December 30, 2010

18 weeks 2 days

How far along: 18 weeks

Growth:
DH loves to keep up with the fruit/vegetable size comparisons and yesterday he told me... "She's a mango today!" Those were his exact words!! lol!! My visual was of my baby turning into a mango! :) According to a couple of other resources, it appears she's 5.59 inches from crown to rump and 6.70 ounces now!

Symptoms: none other than fetal movement!

Total weight gain: +5.5 lbs ..I'm proud of this considering I'd probably gain about 5 lbs over the holidays and baby girl was 6 ounces at 17 weeks!! So in my mind, we're right on target - lol!

Maternity clothes:
Oh yes! My scrubs are still fitting me for work, but I do have some that I'm about to retire any day now. :(

Stretch marks: No new ones.

Sleep: The last 2 nights I've been in bed by 8:30 pm! I've been getting about 11 hours of sleep! Let's just say I'm enjoying these last few months of sleep!

Best moment this week: Registering at Babies R Us with DH. He was so excited to get the opportunity to park in the "Expectant Mothers" parking space!!!

Movement: I've been feeling lots of movement on a daily basis! No hard kicks or punches yet! Just taps and wiggles for now!

Food cravings:
None.

What I miss: Wearing my Miss Me jeans!

What I am looking forward to:
Ringing in the new with my loving husband at my side! This New Year has so much meaning for us!!

How is daddy? I don't think I've seen him more happy and excited about this baby!!

December 23, 2010

17 weeks 2 days

My stress level has reached an all time high for this pregnancy. Nothing at all having to do with the pregnancy or the baby - everything having to do with our vehicle. Being a one car household is extremely financially rewarding, especially when your 2004 is so close to being paid off. In my mind, it was going to be perfect. We'd have a paid off vehicle and if we wanted to get another vehicle we could. Then, we'd be a two car household with one car payment = great! Well great went from great to horrible real quick. I won't bore you with the mechanical details, but as of this morning it wasn't running. Hopefully some time very soon I'll be able to say I have a new car...

In much better news, I've been feeling movement. The first tickles were on 15w4d - actually the day of my last blog post. It felt as if my pants had shifted a tiny bit and it tickled. For the next 3 or 4 days I continued to feel this once or twice a day. Then the taps started and one night while I was in bed it happened about 3 or 4 times. I was positive of what I was feeling. Ever since Tuesday (17 weeks) I've been feeling the taps throughout the day! I even think I've startled her a couple of times! It's so weird to think of how tiny she still is and how I'm able to feel movement already! She was moving so much a few minutes ago that I put my hand firmly on my belly and I thought I felt her, so I told DH and he immediately put his hand on my belly. She moved and he said "I think I felt her!" Everyone was right! I love this part of pregnancy!!

Our anatomy scan was on Tuesday at 17 weeks. I was worried that this may be too early, and I feared that something may not look right or developed enough. I would have been so grateful to get another chance to check on her, but I didn't want the extra stress and worry on top of our car issues. Luckily, everything looked and measured perfectly!! I think we have a perfectionist on our hands!!!

And lastly, if you've noticed I've continued to say SHE and HER, because as of Tuesday she is definitely still a SHE!! We're have a baby girl! I'm so excited!!!! We do have a couple of names picked out, but we're not 100% yet. I really wanted to pick a name before the shower or definitely before delivery, but we're so undecided on these two names, that we may want to meet her before we choose! Here's a pic from our scan:

December 11, 2010

My other life

Having our first child is definitely a huge part of our lives now! It's the topic of conversation 9 times out of 10, but I do still live "my other life." I'm still a student, business owner, and full time employee for the world's greatest OB/GYN; however, now I'm a pregnant student, pregnant business owner, and pregnant employee!

Finals are upon me. I'm studying for two this weekend and completing a take home final by Tuesday. As of Tuesday evening, hopefully I can say that I'm done with Fall Semester 2010!! Too bad Winter Break is only a few weeks long before Spring semester starts. I'm taking a Chemistry class next semester. Do you think my 8 month pregnant belly will be a science lab hazard?!?! lol.

Speaking of my belly... I've had a few requests for belly pics and I'm grateful to say my belly hasn't grown that much! I've only gained about 2 or 3 pounds and I don't think it was in my belly - maybe my booty! Here are my belly pics from 8 weeks and this week! Not a huge difference, maybe because I was overweight to begin with or I have a tiny little girl growing inside!! I do notice changes in my belly. I'm no longer able to wear most of my pre-pregnancy jeans, my belly sticks out more when I'm sitting down, and I can no longer sleep on my back for very long (can't breathe!!).



Sleeping has become more difficult. I cannot roll over as easily as I used to. I have been experiencing minor back pains in the morning, so I'm thinking I may need to buy one of those pregnancy pillows soon. I can tell I'm totally out of shape. School has taken all of my available gym time from me. I'm so eager to get back into the gym. I hate being out of breath so often! I feel so sluggish.

December 5, 2010

Getting used to the idea of having a GIRL...

I know our scan wasn't 100%, so I've kept an open mind, but I've been looking at other u/s videos and pictures and I'm convinced we're having a girl!

Everyone, including myself, was proven wrong! I felt like I was carrying a boy. I guess my intuition isn't off to a good start! It's strange saying "she", but, oh my goodness, was it fun looking at girl stuff at the mall yesterday!! I do have to say I'm positive having a girl will be so much fun... and probably very expensive!!

I'm looking forward to the "Daddy's Girl" and the "Apple of his eye" aspects. I can't wait to see how DH reacts to a baby GIRL!!

I was able to get the video upload online, if you'd like to humor yourself. I apologize for the blurriness. I had to crop the video to exclude my full name, birth date, and doctor's name, and it compromised the quality. :(

December 3, 2010

14 weeks 3 days

sigh... It's been difficult getting back to reality after the Thanksgiving Holiday. We traveled south to Austin to see our family and friends. It has been almost a year since we were there last, so it was so great to see our family and friends that we had not seen in so long! Talk was all about baby!

I did have an appointment yesterday at 14 weeks 2 days. We did get a very thorough u/s and DH and I were so very grateful! Doc says we have a healthy baby who measures right on time! I couldn't have asked for anything more.

I have to be honest, I was a little too preoccupied about possibly getting an idea of the gender prior to my appointment; however, while I was laying down looking at my baby that notion completely escaped me when he measured the head, the belly, and the heart rate and everything was perfect! Then, doc looks between the legs and asks "Would you like any ideas on gender?" I immediately said "Yes!"

Doc is 80% sure we are TEAM PINK!!!

I'm driving myself crazy about the gender stuff though. Please don't get me wrong, first and foremost, I'm forever grateful we have a healthy baby; one that we've waited for for so so long!! I couldn't ask for anything more!! But here are my worries about the gender. During my u/s's at work and my u/s yesterday w/ my doc, both during 14 weeks, we saw 2 lines, but nothing sticking out... I know my doctor has been doing this for a long long time, and I'm trusting that he's right, but I can't help to think doesn't 2 lines mean boy?

We have our anatomy scan on December 21st, so I just need to wait it out, stop getting u/s's at work, and just stop thinking about it!!

If baby cooperates, I will be forever grateful that we will have confirmation by CHRISTMAS!!!!

Here are a few pics from my scan yesterday...




November 24, 2010

13 weeks (Thanksgiving Style)

I’m so thankful for…

- …making it to 13 weeks and being that much closer to the 2nd trimester.
- …the baby growing inside of me.
- …the IF journey DH and I endured for 3 years as it taught us many valuable traits that we will now carry into the next chapter in our lives.
- …my job (a.k.a my paycheck).
- …my Christmas Bonus I’m receiving on December 9th.
- …the opportunities my job has given me; to include being within arm’s reach of a fetal heart rate Doppler and ultrasound machine.
- …my boss who is by far the best boss I’ve ever worked for.
- …my friends and family who have supported us and held us up when we were down.
- …my blog readers who always make me smile and laugh.
- …Melissa with Prenate Essential who brought me a Nonfat White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks this morning. I heart her.
- …going through the 1st Trimester with no vomiting.
- …my in-laws who have already purchased our crib and changing table for us, and who are taking me shopping on Black Friday for maternity clothes. I love them so much.
- …my hubby who possesses a twinkle in his eye at the sight of anything reminding him of this baby, and who does so much for me around the house to include all of the laundry and washing the dishes. What would I do without him?
- …my two dogs who always know how to cuddle on my lap and make me smile. I can’t wait to introduce them to this baby.
- …all of the young moms around me who are wishing me the best and who are doing their best to prepare me for motherhood.
- …the maternity pants I broke down and purchased this week. They are so much more comfortable than the pre-pregnancy jeans I was trying so hard to squeeze into.
- …Mandy, my TTC buddy from TB, who always takes the time out of her busy day to write me a very long email. Hopefully we’ll be PG buddies very soon!!!
- …school. It has taught me how important my college education is.
- …all of the many things I have to be thankful for.

November 19, 2010

Uh oh...

So last night DH and I went out to dinner, did some shopping, and went grocery shopping. When we finally got home, I...correction... my uterus was aching so bad. I immediately jumped in bed and felt relief.

Then, this morning I noticed my belly looked bigger. Was it the fat filled dinner I ate last night or did all of that walking make my ute drop and stick out more?!?! I don't know.

Then, at work, I'm wearing probably my biggest most comfortable pair of scrub pants... I'm so uncomfortable! My belly is bulging out! I hope I'm retaining water or something. I'm not ready to be too big for my clothes right now. I'm only 12.5 weeks!! I'm going to gain 5 to 10 pounds next week, I just know it! And I'm going to be so miserable!

November 16, 2010

12 weeks

Some would consider today THE DAY...the safe zone. Some wait until this week is over and some wait even after that! I've decided to wait until Thanksgiving to change my mental note from "1st Trimester" to "2nd Trimester". If I make it to Thanksgiving, I'll have a lot to be thankful for! But, I did congratulate myself this morning for 3 months! I feel great to have made it this far.

I have been taking belly shots and I do think the belly is starting to stick out more! I'll post pics soon, I promise!

C, my good friend and coworker, did find the heartbeat on the doppler today! We tried at 11 weeks and couldn't find it. After today, I realized we may have been searching to high, because we found it very very low near my pubic bone. It was 166 BPM! So happy! I texted it to DH, but I think he's still in class. I can't wait to hear his response! He loves to "hear" news from the baby!

Symptoms are, for the most part, gone! My huge boobies are here to stay I'm sure. I've had a pesky headache for the past 3 days. Last night it was on the verge of migraine. I almost took Tylenol today, but luckily, it went away for the most part! I'm holding off on taking any meds unless I absolutely have to.

November 9, 2010

11 weeks

Instead of journaling today, I wanted to just ramble about how I'm feeling at this moment. I'm still incredibly grateful for making it this far. I'm also grateful for the easiness of this pregnancy so far! I battled nausea for 2-3 weeks and real bad indigestion for a few days, but other than that I've been fine! No vomiting, no scary cramping, and even my boob soreness is easing up.

The best moment this past week was actually two separate events. One, I talked with my mom via telephone this week and I actually learned that she wasn't sick at all with any of her pregnancies (4 total). I never knew! And she also craved chicken fried steak with her first pregnancy! So funny, because I've been craving that too!! And second, my husband's response and look on his face when he realized I had a baby bump! I actually call it my "night bump". I've noticed (because I've been taking belly pics) that in the morning I have a little bump, but at night, I have a baby bump!! I pulled up my shirt one night, sucked in my fat, and the response I received from DH was priceless!! I'll never forget the laugh we shared!

I'm really starting to stress about maternity clothes and scrubs for work. I'm at that point where I probably need to start buying some clothes and scrub pants. I may be able to hold off on the scrub pants for a couple/few more weeks, but they are getting tighter!

And lastly, I constantly stare at my baby's most recent u/s pic! I love it! I've stared at it so much that DH and I think it's a boy only because it looks like he's kicking a soccer ball! Or maybe a girl and a dancer like mommy was! :D Who knows?!?!

November 4, 2010

Our first "official" u/s

My OB doctor checked up on the baby today! The baby has gotten so much bigger and it's heart was beating as fast as ever! It was a beautiful sight! The baby moved a little bit, just one hand and a foot, but it was fantastic to see! DH said he almost cried when he saw the movement.

Baby is measuring 9w4d, but after I expressed how surprised I was he said there's a margin of error of 1-2 weeks and it's just an estimate. I know when I O'd so for now we're sticking with our current dates, but we'll keep an open mind. For all we know, this baby may have been a late implanter, and we'll have a June baby instead!!

Other than that, everything is good!! I'm feeling much better lately. I think I'll get back to my workouts next week.

November 2, 2010

Double Digits!! 10 weeks!

How far along: 10 weeks

Symptoms: Sore boobs, blah no energy feeling, indigestion

Total weight gain: 1.5 lbs

Maternity clothes: I put on my Miss Mes this week and, boy, were they uncomfortable. I may be on the verge of breaking out the belly band.

Sleep: Sleep has been horrible lately. I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. So annoying! I don't mind getting up to going pee, but I used to be able to get back in bed and fall right back to sleep - no more!

Best moment this week: Surprise u/s by my boss! We took a quick peek via abdominal u/s, saw a growing baby, and quick heartbeat! I was relieved to see our baby as we had not seen s/he since 7 weeks.

Food cravings: Corndogs, biscuits and gravy

What I miss: Having energy. Working out at the gym.

What I am looking forward to: U/s on Thursday w/ DH!!

Milestones: Double digits and a quarter of the way there!! So grateful to have made it this far!

How is daddy? Still busy with school. He has started to touch my belly and I think it’s so cute even though it’s all FAT!

How are the grandparents? Still as happy as ever! My dad called me yesterday to check on “the baby”! So cute!

October 28, 2010

This sucks.

There I said it. Yes, I'm complaining.

I've tried so hard to refrain from saying this to myself and most importantly keep it from coming out of my mouth.

I know there are millions of women who continue to deal with the evil of IF; who would give anything to be in my shoes. But this sucks!!

And I'm not puking. Nope. Just nauseous. Go ahead - slap me.

Lately, I've been reminiscing about those lovely days when I worked from home. I had so much flexibility. I could take naps if I wanted. I could sleep in if I wanted. Ugh.

You see, I've been so lucky lately. No puking, no indigestion, no heartburn, no "official" morning sickness. I've been eating whatever I want! If I wanted a fatty meal...I ate it. Ever since the clock ticked "9 weeks", my stomach has been in revolt. INDIGESTION is evil.

I think I've determined that I cannot eat or DRINK what I enjoy any longer. I'm doomed.... and secretly hoping these evil things go away in 3-4 weeks....please. Feeling miserable.

October 26, 2010

9 weeks

How far along: 9 weeks

Growth: Baby is 1 inch like a green olive – YUMM!

Symptoms: fatigue, boobs are still sore, I’m always hungry, indigestion, my nausea was GONE, but returned today after lunch

Total weight gain: 1.5 lbs

Maternity clothes: I bought some maternity shirts that were $3 - $4 from JcPenneys and Kohls, but not wearing anything yet.

Stretch marks: no new ones yet, but one side of my hips are looking like they are pink?

Sleep: Most nights are ok. But when I can’t sleep it’s bad. I’m usually up for an hour or two.

Best moment this week: I woke up abruptly to not a voice, but a loud vision or thought of…… “BOY!” Was someone trying to tell me something?! This was funny. I’ll never forget it, especially if it’s a boy!

Movement: Obviously, nothing I can feel; however, my pregnancy week by week resources say the baby had begun to move!!

Nickname: Thanks to Daddy the baby is called “Tadpole”. Hopefully this will change, because the vision of a tadpole, when the baby looks more like a baby, now bothers me a little.

Food cravings: Chicken Fried Steak and gravy

What I miss: feeling normal and refreshed

What I am looking forward to: Nov 4th – first official u/s w/ DH at my side!

Milestones: Baby is no longer an embryo. He/She has been promoted to fetus!!

October 19, 2010

8 Weeks and First Appointment

How far along: 8 weeks

Symptoms: nausea and very sore boobs

Total weight gain: 2.5 (Yes, that's correct. A weight gain of 3.5 in one week. ::slapping myself:: My in-laws love to stuff our mouths! Now more so than ever. So I blame it on them!)

Maternity clothes: None, yet, but my jeans are starting to become uncomfortable. I may go get one of those belly band thingys soon.

Sleep: I've been sleeping much better lately!

Best moment this week: Telling my in-laws!

Food cravings: Foods I wouldn't normally eat. Chicken Friend Steak w/ gravy, biscuits w/ gravy, fried foods, Arbys.

What I miss: Time flying by. I'm so eager to get to Thanksgiving and time seems like it's going by so slow! :)

What I am looking forward to:
My next appointment on Nov 4th, which will be our first official u/s!

Milestones: Announcing that we are expecting!

How is daddy? Super excited! I love to see him all giddy!

How are the grandparents? I don't think words can describe how they feel right now! Thankful, excited, happy, relieved, excited, happy, joyous, ecstatic, thankful, ....

FIRST APPOINTMENT

So the first appointment wasn't as exciting as we imagined. All the doctor did was a pap smear, breast and pelvic exam, and got all of my history and junk. He said that he prefers to do complete blood work and ultrasound at 10 weeks. Weird. Even my boss admitted that's weird. Oh well. What can I do?! So our next appointment is November 4th, which will put us at 10w2d.

October 17, 2010

Lots of Updates and News

THURSDAY

I had my workplace u/s on Thursday. We were able to see the heartbeat again. It was much more clear and faster! The baby and sac had grown. I was relieved to see growth. Since we're just taking a peek and not doing measurements, I was truly relieved to see the change in growth since last week! We didn't get great pictures this week, so I won't share the little blobs we captured! I have my first appointment on Monday and I'm crossing my fingers and toes he does an u/s! If he does, and everything is good, then I will not have one at work.

That night we shared the good news with more close friends, my middle sister (oldest already knew!) and my parents. The responses we received were absolutely unforgettable! Most of our close friends and family know how we've yearned for conceiving, so when they shed tears and said things like "God answered our prayers." and "Because you've waited so long, you both are going to be great parents." it truly touches our hearts.

FRIDAY

I had been waiting for this day for years. Not because it was our 5 year wedding anniversary, but because I had dreamt and imagined what it would be like to tell my mother in law we were PG. I have the best relationship with my mother in law. I love her to death. She's been waiting to hear the news of a grand baby for nearly a decade. Yes, since we've been dating! :D

But, because it was our 5 year wedding anniversary, it made the reveal so much more special. On Friday morning I was having so many emotions. I was excited to tell my in-laws, but nervous, because we had planned exactly how we would surprise her, and what if it didn't go just right? I was also thinking of 5 years ago. What was I doing at that very moment 5 years ago? And feeling the love for the life I was growing inside me and the love I've shared with this man, my husband, my soul mate. It amazes me how the love between us only gets stronger and stronger with every passing year.


The Reveal

So the plan was to display a sign on our guest bedroom door (future nursery). We knew my ILs would go to the guest room first to drop off their bags. So I put my creative graphic designing skills to work and created this lovely sign for the door.


I also didn't want my parents to feel totally left out, so we designed a separate "sign" for both sets of grandparents. For my ILs, we displayed both on the door.


So I'll set the scene... Friday afternoon my ILs arrive in Fort Worth and enter our apartment. As planned, they immediately go straight to our guest bedroom. If you listen carefully on the video below you can hear my MIL saying she needs to take her blood pressure pill... Boy, will she!! She may need TWO! After she discovers the signs and doesn't get a verbal answer from DH or I, I have to point at the digital PG test that says "Pregnant". Then, you'll notice her head hitting the door and the tears start to flow.


October 12, 2010

7 weeks

I figured 7 weeks was a perfect time to "journal"...

How far along: 7 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I’m down one pound.

First symptom: Mild cramping

Who was the first person, other than DH, that you told: My BFF back in Austin, T. It was her birthday, so I called to wish her happy birthday and give her the news! Last year on my 4 year wedding anniversary she told us she was PG! Her baby is 4 months now.

Will you find out the sex: Yes, definitely! At first I had a Boy “feeling”, but now I catch myself saying “her”.

Sleep: I’ve been going to sleep a little earlier than normal – 9 – 10 pm. Recently, I haven’t been sleeping well. I constantly wake up and go pee, then, can’t go back to sleep.

Best moment this week: Designing the signs we’re going to use for our reveal to the in-laws. More details about those coming soon!

Food cravings: I’m positive this is a craving, because I don’t normally have a sweet tooth.... cake! ...and cookies! ...and ice cream!

Have you bought any baby stuff: Nothing other than the onesie and bib I bought for DH the day we got our BFP!

What I miss: Feeling normal and energized.

What I am looking forward to: u/s on Thursday, telling our immediate families on Thursday and Friday, and spending the weekend with my in-laws before my first appt on Monday!!

Weekly Wisdom: If you’re DH wants to buy baby clothes w/ a specific sports team's logo, make sure he looks at the game schedule before he buys. If I left it up to my DH our LO would have all newborn clothes for the first month of life; however, football doesn't start until 4 months later!! His response... "oh. okay." :) Gotta love him!

October 11, 2010

The Sickness

OMG. I can feel the vomiting coming on at any minute. I HATE throwing up – HATE IT!! I do remember distinctly though telling DH that “If we were lucky enough to finally get PG, I would be smiling through the vomiting and sickness!” I’m so grateful to be PG, but did I mention, I HATE throwing up!?!?

The nausea is annoying. It comes and goes. I no longer get hungry. I get nauseous. And who wants to eat when they feel like throwing up? I’m doing a few things to prevent/lessen the sickness:

1. Taking 50 mg of B6 in the morning and again at night. (Just started this.)
2. Drinking Ginger Ale
3. Wearing the Prima Bella bracelet.

The Prima Bella bracelet is really neat. You wear it on the underside of your wrist and it emits this little shock/pulse through the median nerve and travels to the emetic center in the brain, which then regulates the nausea signaling process between the brain and stomach restoring normal stomach rhythm and providing relief of nausea and vomiting (from their website). I’m not convinced that the bracelet works, but I definitely think it’s helping ease the nausea.


For now, I wait. I’m crossing my fingers I’m one of the lucky ones that never throws up! :::knocking on wood:::

My first OB appointment has been moved up to Monday, October 18th. I’ll be one day shy of 8 weeks. I’m hoping they do an ultrasound, because DH will be in attendance!

October 7, 2010

We have a baby and a heartbeat!!

My workplace ultrasound was today and this week, thankfully, we saw a baby and a small flicker of a heartbeat!! I was so relieved after only seeing an empty black sac last week! We also saw the yolk sac and that was so comforting! My body is actually doing what it's supposed to! Who woulda known!?!?


We got 4 u/s pics and I even took a video for DH! It was so surreal. I couldn't believe how emotional DH was over the u/s!!

I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm now anxiously waiting for next Thursday!!

Oh, and again, I'm not getting caught up with the details - measurements and bpm. I know it's better this way! If something is wrong, I can't do anything about it, except add more stress to my all ready full plate! So today I saw my baby for the first time and I'm so thankful! I'm overjoyed!

October 5, 2010

6 weeks

I made it to 6 weeks!!

The fear of miscarriage is not gone. I don’t think it ever will be, honestly. But I’m doing my best at thinking positive thoughts! Here are a few things that I say to myself on a daily basis:

“Today I am pregnant and I love this baby.” (Inspired by a fellow 1st Trimester bumpie on thebump.com)

“Thank you, Lord, for my baby. I pray it stays healthy and safe.”


There are a few others, but I can’t think of them at this moment.

The sickness is starting to creep in. I became nauseous/car sick on my way home from work yesterday. This wasn’t my first bout of nausea since our BFP; however, it did seem to be the worst so far, maybe even made worse, by some indigestion/heart burn caused by an icing filled cookie I ate. Oops! Then, I was awoken this morning at 4 am feeling like I was going to vomit at any moment. I hopped out of bed, ate 1 rice cake, and drank some Ginger Ale – all items I purchased this weekend at the grocery store (just like me to plan ahead.)! Unfortunately, it took me an hour to go back to sleep, but, thankfully, no vomiting this morning!

Other than that, my boobs are very sore. They do appear to be fuller. The cramping has definitely subsided for the most part. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any extreme sleepiness this week. My body requires food every 2 – 2.5 hours. That’s gotta be good for something right!?

To answer your BETA questions – I haven’t gotten a BETA. The girls in my office wouldn’t let me. They know me too well. They said I would just stress over the numbers and doubling time and the urine test was sufficient. I would know very soon whether it was singleton, twins, etc….. and they were right, I did. If they saw anything that was suspicious they would think about getting a BETA (to rule out miscarriage), but for now, I’m pregnant and loving it!

October 1, 2010

Singleton!!

I saw our bean yesterday! The girls scanned me at work and it seems like this will be a Thursday afternoon ritual!

Good news is we saw only one sac!! Bad news is we didn't see a yolk sac. :( After some googling and reading it seems like 5 weeks and 2 days is still too early to see a yolk sac, so I'm a little relieved, but of course, can't help but worry until I see our baby! I'll get another u/s next Thursday and (crossing fingers) we should see more and know more!

My first appointment is 10/22. I'll be 8 weeks and 3 days, so it should be the perfect time for hubby and I to get our first "official" u/s and see the heartbeat!

If I'm fortunate to see the heartbeat before the 15th, we will tell my in-laws while they are in town that weekend.

Symptoms are still the same. Actually, I had no symptoms today, but I've "heard" that's normal too! Some days you feel PG and some days you don't! :)

My appetite has been really weird lately. I'm not hungry in the mornings and last night I didn't even eat dinner AFTER I cooked it!! While I was cooking I was snacking on pita chips and hummus, but still... it was strange. I felt like I ate an entire cow!

Bedtime is about 9 - 9:30 pm!

September 28, 2010

I made it to 5 weeks and I'm grateful

Nearly 2 years ago we attempted Clomid for the first time and I O'd on my first cycle. I didn't get PG that cycle, but I felt overly grateful to have O'd and I blogged about it. So I wanted to do something similar with this post.

I made it to 5 weeks, and while I realize I'm still extremely early in this pregnancy, and by no means "out of the woods", I'm still extremely grateful to be PG. Infertiles become familiar with every detail of fertility and we recognize how incredibly difficult it is to achieve pregnancy.

1. I'm grateful for having O pains on the day of O. They were different, but because I'm infertile and have been listening to my ovaries for years, I knew these sensations were different. Some women don't "feel" ovulation at all.
2. I'm grateful I had EWCM on the day of O. Some women have to drink massive amounts of water or take vitamins/supplements to have EWCM.
3. I'm grateful I O'd. It was only the second time in 3 years.
4. I'm incredibly grateful that DH's, as he calls them, "boys" were in shape and perfectly capable of fertilization!
4. I'm grateful the lining of my uterus was favorable for the implantation of a fertilized egg. Some women have to take additional hormones to increase the lining of their uterus.
5. I'm grateful my uterus/body has been able to sustain a pregnancy for approx. 2 weeks! Some women who experience recurrent miscarriage are perfectly capable of getting PG, but cannot sustain the pregnancy.
5. And lastly, I'm extremely grateful to have become PG on what I consider my second "chance" or my second cycle. This was only the 2nd cycle that yielded ovulation and I am blessed to have become PG! Some women have perfect 28 day cycles, O on CD14, BD, and do everything they're supposed to do, only to be disappointed by AF every month.

I know there will be more things that I'll be grateful for in the coming weeks, but for now, these are my "gratefuls".

September 26, 2010

Early Symptoms & Feelings

The evening of our BFP and the day after I experienced mild cramps. Nothing horrible, but noticeable. I was a little relieved to feel the cramps, because I felt like "something" was happening. They weren't painful or extreme, by any means, so I wasn't too worried.

The day after our BFP I did have horrible gas, but haven't had that issue since.

On Friday, I didn't experience any symptoms at all, and I became very worried. I'm trying not to let everything little thing get to me, but it's so difficult. I fear miscarriage so bad. I know that if it happens it's nothing I can prevent.

The last couple of days the sleepiness has hit me in the afternoon. It's typically after I've been up and about doing things. So I've taken a cat nap each day, and that's totally not like me!

During the 2ww I was working out very hard. My weight loss journey was back under way and I was doing great! I haven't worked out since we found out we were PG. We went for a walk today and it felt great! I plan to decrease my intensity, but I'll continue the number of my workouts. I'm undecided on strength training.

September 24, 2010

How I told DH

It worked out perfectly, because when I tested after work I was home alone and DH was still at school. As soon as I resumed normal breathing, I grabbed my car keys and drove over to campus to buy some gifts! The cashier put the items in a white bag that, thankfully, wasn't transparent one bit! So I threw it in the trunk and went to go pick up DH! It was such a hard car ride home! I wanted to smile so big, but I started to talk about work and didn't stop until we got home!

I opened the trunk, grabbed the bag and DH said "What's that?" I said, "Just some things... and a white bag!" When we made it inside, I opened the bag and handed him the gifts. He slowing unfolded the onesie, looked at me, and said "Are you shittin me?" I couldn't say yes. I started to cry and we hugged each other!

It was so surreal. I told him how scared I was. We've been waiting for this moment for 3 years!

The onesie says "Real Babies Wear Purple.....Texas Christian University" and the bib has TCU emblems all over it!


Here are my pee sticks!! I took two on the night of 16 dpo and 1 more and a digital on the morning of 17 dpo!

September 22, 2010

16 dpo

So the spotting stopped on 7 dpo. I don't know what all of that spotting was about, but it made me extremely discouraged about this cycle.

I've been testing since 9 dpo and the girls at work knew I O'd so they've been begging for my urine since 6 dpo!! All BFNs, so I'm expecting AF any day.

Today's 16 dpo and yesterday's BFN was stark white, but it was an old IC. Something told me on my way home from work... "I have First Response at home and they are brand new, just take one". If it's BFN on 16 dpo with afternoon urine, then I know for sure either I didn't O or AF is knocking... so I did.


Thank you, Christy, for thinking about me!! I hope you read this soon! :D I know many of you have been thinking and praying, and you have no idea how gracious I am!!

September 13, 2010

Grateful to be in the 2ww

I asked for a chance and I got it! I O'd and that's all I wanted! I saw lots of EWCM and felt lots and lots of O pains, so we BD'd and the next morning... temp increase!!

I wasn't convinced that I O'd until about 5 dpo when my temp when even higher and this morning it stayed there!!

I'm so grateful!

I've been having some really strange and weird symptoms though. I can't find anyone who has had similar symptoms, so I'm not really sure what's going on and what I can do about it.

First, I've had brown spotting since 1 dpo. I had a little bit of red/pinkish spotting on 2 dpo. I was so scared it was AF. But it went away and the brown spotting resumed and has been lingering ever since.

Then, on 3 dpo I woke up to nausea and vomiting. Strange. I don't know what to think of all of this spotting and the throwing up?!??

:::raising my bottle of water:::
So here's to O'ing for the first (or second) time in 3 years!!

September 7, 2010

About ready to give up on this cycle

As of this morning I was about ready to give up. It’s CD18 and no sign of O. My temps have been all over the place and that’s so discouraging. I’ve been having the usual dull pains around both ovaries; however, yesterday and today I’ve started to notice some very different feelings. Instead of a constant pain I’m feeling very quick jolts of pain. Not too strong, just noticeable. I’m hoping this is a good sign that follicles are growing and not a cyst!!

I do have lots of EWCM today, so I’m grateful, but I’d really really like to see a temp shift for 2 weeks!!!

DH and I went to TCU’s season opener on Saturday. Football of course! Here’s a picture we took while tailgating!

August 31, 2010

Officially, overwhelmed.

Back to school time always stresses me out. I’m reminded every day that it’s so expensive to go to college and in my household, there are TWO adults attending college. We had to buy DH a bike this weekend, so he can get to and from school during the week. That was $100 spent. Our textbooks were about $800 combined. School clothes for DH... school supplies... ugh. All while paying $650 a month to TCU for DH’s tuition – our OOP portion, not to mention the debt we’re going into from his student loans! Yes, I’m complaining, but I’m reminded that we’re doing this all for good reasons. Someday I’ll be sitting at the spa blowing hundreds of dollars, thinking about how much we sacrificed, and I’ll be proud. So for now, I just need to suck it up!!

Fall semester officially started yesterday. I have 3 classes this semester. I’m hoping I can handle 3 classes and, if so, I’ll continue to take 3 per semester. That’s the plan and we’re sticking to it! If and when I get PG we’ll reconstruct the plan for post-baby!

CD11 for me. Waiting to O, still. Temps look ok. This morning's temp was way low. I was colder than usual, so I guess I'll wait to see what tomorrow brings. I am having dull pains around my ovaries, so that’s good news, I hope! The Femara when down easy. I had a couple of headaches in the evenings, but other than that, nothing. Just waiting... Story of my life....

August 23, 2010

Achieving a goal

Today was the first day of school for DH. It was his first day at Texas Christian University!! Wow. I’ve become to realize how great the man I married is; however, two years ago today I didn’t have any clue I’d be writing these words. DH set a goal to transfer to a university after 2 years at the county college and he achieved his goal today. DH amazes me with his accomplishments, and I hope I’m able to do the same for him in the future!


One thing that sure did put a damper on our joy for this day was the bus situation. We are a one car household and moving to our new apartment meant he would need to bike to the nearest bus stop and catch the city bus to the university. Before we considered our apartment complex, I specifically reviewed the bus system’s website and transit maps. I distinctly remember seeing a route that connects the street we live on to the street that goes towards the university. Well.... as of yesterday, I must have dreamt that because there is no such route. I was so aggravated with myself! We moved to this apt for one reason – the location in relation to the university …and the price of course! Well, this means we’ll be moving again in a year! HAH! We move every 12 – 18 months, so this should be no surprise!! And deep down I still want a house!

August 21, 2010

CD1

AF arrived today and I'm ready to jump back on the roller coaster! I was so excited to see AF, I woke up DH from a nap!! He smiled really big and gave me a big kiss! Hehehe!

I can't believe AF arrived only 3 days after stopping the BC. Usually with Provera, it takes 6-7 days for AF to arrive! And when I was on BCP years ago, AF would arrive after 7 days of stopping the last hormone pill. I wonder what that means - that AF arrived so soon?

This cycle - Femara CD 3-7! No monitoring. :( Crossing my fingers!

I found this article this week and it gave DH and I a lot of new hope! It reads like it speaks directly to us and my PCOS.

August 18, 2010

CD 99

I haven’t had a cycle this long in over 2 years. Scary.

I did have a NuvaRing, so I inserted it a couple of weeks ago. I’m hoping to “reset” my cycle and get AF to arrive. DH and I have gone back and forth with our decision to “actively” TTC or to “naturally” TTC. As of late, we’ve sat closer to the “actively”. We’ll try Femara with our next cycle. I’m hoping Metformin and Femara is my miracle combination. I’m hoping to O and to be given “my chance” to conceive.

We’ll see.

I’ve kept up with my work outs. Still working on the eating part. Dinner gets me every time. Especially when DH and I go out to dinner. With school starting next week I’m hoping the “going out” to dinner becomes impossible and I’m forced to eat at home.

August 12, 2010

Blah

I haven’t been in much of a mood to blog lately. Maybe it’s because there’s really not much going on. I think this is the calm before the storm as school starts for DH in a couple of weeks and for me in 3 weeks. We’re trying to enjoy our free time as much as we can, but we’re both a little fearful about what’s about to hit us.
This will be DH’s first semester at a University and I don’t know about him, but I fear the unknown for him. Is it going to be a lot harder for him? Will he be able to adjust quickly to that way of life?

I’m taking 3 classes this fall and I’m fearful for that too. I don’t think I’ve ever taken 3 college courses at one time in my entire life. And one of them is a science, so I have lecture and lab. Ugh. I’m doing this for all the right reasons, right?!
I’m still waiting for AF to arrive. So there’s not much going on there.

I’ve gotten back to the gym! I actually got a membership at the hospital where I work. $25 a month – you can’t beat that! One of my coworkers is planning on getting married in a year so she’s super motivated to lose weight. We’ve been hitting the gym together on our lunch breaks! Hopefully I can drop some pounds soon!

I’m still trying to eat well, but unfortunately, I haven’t found any self-discipline.

July 19, 2010

Post Birthday Feelings

I love having my blog to write my feelings. When I feel a certain way and can’t express it into words or share it using words quite the way I want to, I blog. I love it.

So this past weekend was my 28th birthday. A very good friend from Florida drove all the way to Texas to see me for my birthday. I knew it was going to be a fantastic weekend, but I had no idea how I would be feeling this morning.

I woke up at 5 am to say my goodbyes and it was very hard to go back to sleep thinking about all of the great moments over the weekend. I headed off to work this morning and it hit me when I saw his car was gone from where he had parked the night before. I was off to work and the fun was over.

I started to think about all of the events and celebrations that took place this weekend (dinner, dancing, lake, and casino!) and all of the people who surrounded me - a few family members, but mostly friends. Friends who celebrated with me multiple days and some all three days! It was amazing. I felt so loved! But this morning, I was feeling so incredibly grateful.

I’ve had friendships in the past that went sour. In most cases, I always regretted it. I always wished that I had done something different to be able to have that friendship again.

When we moved 200 miles from the place we called home for most of our lives, it hit me super hard when I didn’t have my friends to hang with on the weekends. My husband and I grew closer and I’m very grateful for that, but my friends were missing. We’ve been here 3 years and my circle of friends has grown! I was tearful this morning as I was forced to return to reality (a.k.a. WORK) with such happy memories of this birthday weekend.

It was probably the best birthday weekend ever and what makes it even better is knowing that July 2010 will probably be one I never forget…. in laws will be here this weekend, my best friends are getting married, and we’re all moved in and happy as can be!

June 29, 2010

Blah

I’ve been pretty BLAH lately. The end of the summer semester is coming to an end and I’m soooo ready for school to be done with until late August! It is so difficult to work 8 hours then head to school for another 2 hours. It’s not the actual work and school that kill me; it’s the everything in between – no time to cook, no time to meal plan, no time to grocery shop, no time to eat healthy, no time for anything. Ugh. I guess this is what they call “burn out”.

I have two speeches to give in the last two weeks of school AND we’re moving this weekend. It just sucks.

The business has started to show signs of slowing down. It never fully recovered from last year’s downfall. Which DH and I were ok with. We were expecting this. I’m just fearful about this fall and if it’s going to be worse than last year. I didn’t think it could get any worse, but it very well could.

I’m still taking the Metformin. Today is my first day of 1500mg (500 mg three times a day). I haven’t had any major issues thus far. It does make me a little nauseous sometimes, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m on CD49. Yes, I’m late, but I’ve been temping off and on and there is no clear sign of O. AF will probably arrive any day now.

June 21, 2010

So far...

I’m on day 3 of 7 at 500mg. So far I have no major complaints. I’ve been having some pretty strong stomach pains/cramps right before I have a BM, but that’s about it. I’ve also been having a lot of heartburn. I don’t know if that’s attributed to the Met.

The Yo-Yo dieter/exerciser that I am will start Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet (SBD) today. It’s probably the ONLY diet I’ve never tried. I became compelled to give it a try when I read that Dr. Agatsto, the creator of the SBD, actually aimed to repair Insulin Resistance (my condition) with his diet. He teaches the dieter to choose good fats and good carbs. In the first phase (first 2 weeks), I will go without breads and starches, no dairy (unless low fat or fat free), and no fruit, sweets, baked goods, etc (SUGAR!). The only area that I will struggle is the bread!!

So far today I’ve made some minor changes. I always have a cup of coffee in the morning, but today instead of my typical sugar loaded hazelnut coffee creamer, I tried Spendas No Calorie Hazelnut Sweetner. It’s ok. Honestly, it tastes like the Soy Hazelnut Coffee Creamer that I usually buy from Whole Foods. I give both 6 out of 10 stars. I may try to add a squirt of skim milk tomorrow and see if that helps.

If I can lose weight and kick my PCOS and IR in the behind, I’d be a very happy woman!

June 17, 2010

Finally..... METFORMIN!!!!

Well, it took nearly one whole month, but finally I have my hands are METFORMIN!!!

My 3 hour Glucose results came back abnormal, which oddly enough is what I was hoping! My glucose levels were fine; however, my insulin was not. So they diagnosed me as Insulin Resistant. Thankfully, I have educated myself on these findings and I wasn't freaked out at all by the news. Unlike, my mother who said "You have Type 2 Diabetes!!" She's an RN and educates diabetics who have Type 2 Diabetes! Whatever, Mom. This time you're wrong. The nurse reassured me I do not have Type 2 Diabetes. I could get it in the future and/or when I become pregnant, so I have to take all of this seriously!

I will take 500 mg for one week, then 1000 mg for a week, and then finally 1500 mg for the 3rd week and every day thereafter. I've been reading a lot about the side effects from my fellow PCOS'ers and honestly, I'm a little scared about the stomach issues. It seems I'll need to take with a meal, with plenty of water, and at dinner for my first week. Some have major issues when consuming alcohol. I shouldn't be drinking anyways, so I'll cut my alcohol intake and stick to a glass of wine with dinner for special dinner dates, etc. We'll see...

I'm really excited to see how it helps me! I've heard many success stories and I've heard "Metformin did nothing" for me. Crossing my fingers.

June 3, 2010

FertilAid

So I missed my 3 hour glucose test on the 22nd. I was out with friends having a grand ole' time the Friday night prior to the test. I was ordered to eat or drink nothing after midnight. At midnight I had a beer in hand, and after midnight I had another one. I have NO self discipline what.so.ever.

I rescheduled the test to this following Saturday and I'm happy to say I made it to that appointment!! Hoping to get some results soon!!! I'm actually hoping my insulin levels were elevated, so I get the clearance to take Metformin. I actually accidentally ate two breath mints on the way to my appointment. Oops!! I wonder if it messed with the results at all.

As of Monday, I've started taking a new supplement called, FertilAid. I've read mixed reviews on it. Many of the positive reviews I've read state ovulation was restored, so I was sold immediately! Some of the negative reviews state it messed up their cycles completely. I don't think mine can mess up any further, but I'll keep an eye on changes.

I'm excited and feel a little more hopeful!! At this point, I just want to restore ovulation! That's all I'm asking for! Next, will be keeping ovulation regular, then we'll move onto trying for that BFP (maybe!?) .... :D

Summer semester started on Tuesday, so my life is hectic.....again!

May 21, 2010

Pain, Fed Up, and 3 Hr Glucose

********* TMI WARNING ***********

I almost died yesterday. I was experiencing the WORST, most awful cramps of my entire life! I was really scared that it might be a ruptured cyst, but it was constant pain for over 2 hours rather than quick sudden pain, so I tried not to worry too much.

As of today, I've been bleeding for 9 days. This has been a strange period. Last cycle was 60 days, when "average" for me is about 40 days. So I was ok, when I kept bleeding after 4 or 5 days. But then yesterday, I started experiencing this intense pain. I was confused because I had not been bleeding very heavy. What in the world could this be?

I work steps from the ER, so I decided to go to work, tough it out, and go to the ER if it got worse. The girls in the office didn't seem too alarmed. They made me take a PG test. Of course, it was negative. Then they did a scan of my uterus. Of course, nothing there. I didn't see any dark black, like cysts, so I was a little relieved, but still in TONS of pain.

Eventually, it got a little better. Then went home for the day and BAM the largest blood clot I've ever seen. UGH. I'm ok with blood and guts, for the most part, but this was gross.

I don't know why I'm having this long horrible period, but in a way I'm grateful I got my period naturally. I'm pretty fed up with being baby-less. I'm ready to do whatever it takes. I'm actually considering injectables w/ IUI, but I'm afraid I may regret the expense. Does that sound horrible? Like how can you put a price on being a mother, but for me, we're just going through a lot of financial changes right now with DH going to TCU and putting myself through school. I don't know. I guess I need to think about it more.

Good news is that I'm doing a 3 hour Glucose Test tomorrow. If my insulin levels are high, they are going to put me on Metformin - YAY!!!!! Finally, I have hope again. I don't know if Met will allow me to O on my own, but it's possible! If anything, it may allow me to respond to Clomid.

May 18, 2010

The last 48 hours...

You know, I totally thought I had hit the ultimate maximum stress level last year when my company went downward and it seemed like every wall was caving in on us. Well... I've learned things can quickly change and I should always remember things CAN get worse.

On Saturday, after submitting our application on an apartment, we found out that they were unable to approve us, because "they do not accept felonies." I immediately stopped in my tracks (I was in the middle of JCPenneys, by the way.) and said "WHAT!?!? We don't have any felonies!!!" I was totally and absolutely bewildered. Apparently, DH had a THEFT charge on his criminal record!! OH MY GOD.

I could not concentrate on shopping. We left the store and the ride home was totally silent. We both jumped on the internet and tried to find out as much info as we could. Unfortunately, the city and the county were closed until Monday. By searching online, we found some information, but of course, nothing to answer our many many questions. If anything we had more questions now.

Who made this awful mistake? Will we need to hire a lawyer? Will this require a long trial to prove wrong? Should we hire a lawyer, before we even make one phone call? Who should we hire? And how will we pay for an attorney? Has someone been charged in this crime? If not, will they arrest DH if he goes personally down to the police station to get this cleared up? ......get my drift?

Needless to say, we had a horrible weekend.

DH spent most of his Monday trying to get to the bottom of this. Apparently, someone used his name, date of birth, most of his address, and drivers license number to get a job in a neighboring county. In a county we've never lived in and in a city we've never heard of! Then, this man stole from the company and because he had used DH's info to obtain the job, DH was charged for the crime! After many phone conversations and a 2 hour road trip to this town, he was able to get everything cleared up! The warrant was pulled and my Dear Husband is no longer a wanted felon. Could anything else go wrong? What's next?!?!

May 11, 2010

Change

Finals are over!! I lived through my first college semester since "my voluntary leave" ...... um, 8 years ago or so! I'm very proud of myself for going back to college, taking it seriously and establishing goals. My official grades won't be posted until Friday, but I'm 100% positive that I got an A in Comp I - a 97 to be exact - toot toot!! In order to get an A in College Algebra I needed to make an A on the final. Eeeeck! So I won't know what that grade is until Friday. Ugh.

After learning Ultrasound Tech school was only taught during the daytime hours, I went with my Plan B, which is Radiology Tech, ... but then I learned the schedule is also during the day. UGH!! So I've decided to just go for my Bachelors Degree in Biology. You can't go wrong with having your bachelors and I can use the few college credits I obtained 8 years ago towards it! And I've heard from my colleagues you can *always* find a job in healthcare industry with a degree in Biology. Yay - SOLD!!

DH will be attending TCU in the fall, so we've been focusing on housing and where we'll be moving soon! With only one vehicle, it is absolutely necessary we live within walking/biking/busing distance. The search is not going well. We pay $600 in rent today for a 2/2 apartment. We know we got a good deal, but we wanted to find a rental home in the area for around $800-$950/month. We didn't realize how hard that was going to be. After stressing about it, we've finally decided we need to stay in an apartment and pay the least amount of money possible. When we had to move from our beautiful rental house and back into an apartment because we couldn't afford to pay the $1200 monthly payment, it was a huge wake up call for us. We didn't prepare for what could happen - the business under performing, unexpected financial expenses, etc. etc. We just wore the blindfold like it was trendy!

We WANT a house, but we NEED to pay off our debt! We know this, but we still continue to allow our "wants" to overwhelm our "needs". And if we rent a house and get the greatest gift of all (a BFP), then I don't want to be put in the exact situation we were in - can't afford the rent, move into a small apartment. I don't want that to happen.

So we're going to look at apartments on Friday and I'm actually pretty excited about it!

April 26, 2010

Sensitive

I am an infertile who works for an OB/GYN. My daily tasks and responsibilities rarely trigger my own infertile emotions, until recently. I don't know why or what has changed, but lately I've been thinking about being infertile very often!

I actually do think I know what it is... a baby shower invitation. My friend, T, is having her 4th daughter in June and the shower is planned for mid-May. I won't be attending; however, I have been shopping for baby girl items and it's so fun! I kept finding some really neat items that made me say in my head "I'll definitely have to buy that when I get PG!" or "My daughter will definitely have a pair of those shoes!" Then I ask myself, "when will it be my turn to be PG?" and "will I ever have my own daughter to buy for?". I've resorted to saying aloud "I can't have children." when people ask when we're going to get PG. It's amazing that I'm comfortable with my PCOS and I've allowed myself to accept that at this time, I can't have children, but it hurts extremely to say those words.

At work, as I was screening an OB patient, I asked "When are you due?", her answer was "I don't know. I know it was sometime in March, because I quit taking my birth control and this was the first month we tried!!" WOW. Really? I wanted to scream at her - "Do you realize how blessed you are?", but I refrained.

I've been crying a lot more than normal. I'm not depressed (yet), just wondering if I'll ever get my chance. Notice I say "IF" now, and not "when".

April 15, 2010

4 pounds down...

Since meeting Abby (our meeting being one of my greatest inspirations at the point), I've lost 4 pounds!! This is big! Yes.... I know, it may be "water weight" or whatever, but to me it's still 4 pounds.... gone! I feel better and believe or not, I feel slimmer.... already! Maybe it's all in my head... like many other things.

What am I doing? I'm eating Abby Style - no butter, no oil - on anything! I'm limiting my carbs, especially with white bread or other white products. I'm eating lots of veggies and fruits. Eating organic whenever possible! I've stopped drinking (for the most part) until my birthday! And started my workout regimen. It's all things I know how to do. I've done them all before. I know what works for me. I just need to STICK TO IT!

One important thing this time is I'm not going to cut myself off from anything. One thing I learned from spending an evening with Abby is that you can "treat" yourself. She was drinking alcohol AND eating foods at a Mexican Restaurant. She made good choices, but she didn't push away anything at all. She knew she didn't need a bowl of queso, but when it was ordered and offered to her, she couldn't resist. She pulled out one small chip, took a small scoop and savored it! And that was it! She ate chicken fajitas (no oil, no butter) with corn tortillas. She mentioned that the two days prior she ran/walked 8 miles total because she knew she was not going to be eating "smart" the next day and she mentioned she'd be doing the same tomorrow!

As I struggled to run yesterday, I thought about Abby many many times! I kept seeing her in my mind as the "old" Abby and knowing that she felt this same way when she started her journey. It probably sucked and she probably wanted to stop and walk, but I kept pushing, because I know that's what she did, and if she was here she'd push me to keep going. I also kept thinking about my ovulation issues. If my body learns to ovulate on it's own, as a result of this, wow, what a reward that would be! I may feel like I won the lottery! And lastly, the feeling to finally conceive, the ultimate gift of all, .... I kept running.

From 189.5 to 185.5.

April 7, 2010

Admiration

I met a very inspiring woman Monday night! Her name is Abby Rike and if you’re a huge fan of the Biggest Loser series, her name should definitely ring a bell! She’s actually the sister of one of my brother in law’s friends and DH and I had the honor of hanging out with her last night! She’s an amazing amazing woman!!

If you’re unfamiliar with her story, I’ll give you a very brief summary....

In 2007, she lost her husband, her 5 year old daughter, and her 2 week old newborn son in a head on collision. She turned to food for comfort and became overweight. When she started the show last season, she was 247 and lost a total of 100 pounds!!



I asked her many questions, but I tried not to smother her! I was definitely star struck! It was refreshing to know that she was a genuine sweet and kind woman. Her star status hasn’t gotten the best of her. She actually laughs it off in many cases!

Meeting her was the greatest motivation to get my butt in gear! I make tons of excuses why I “can’t” make working out and eating healthy a priority. I need to learn to fit it into my busy schedule. It’s going to be extremely hard, but I need to do this. I’ve been saying “I need to do this.” for so long. I think it’s time (actually very overdue) I do something about it! I'm finally ready. And I'm gonna do this!!



April 2, 2010

Husbandless

DH flew to Tempe today to visit ASU. I’ve received a few text messages, but no full reports. I do know he was going to have a very busy day today. I’m really excited for him, but he knows my heart will remain in Texas!

I actually told him not to go last night! We found out last night that he’s getting a total of $15K in grants and scholarship! Yahooooo! With student loans, we will only need to pay a couple thousand dollars out of pocket for his first year. We do not know if all of the grants and scholarships are renewable, so we still need to get the details on that! TCU is looking to be DH’s top choice at this point, but he still wanted to visit ASU as it’s a potential top contender for grad school down the road.

TTC hasn’t been on our radar lately. Unfortunately, it’s taken a back seat to everything. Once everything settles down AND the weight I’m carrying comes off, we’ll probably rejoin the TTC club. Until then, we’re making some life changes with the way we eat, what we buy and, of course, our education! All is good! I think back about when I was extremely stressed and I’m content knowing we’ve made some drastic but fantastic changes and we’ll receive what we want soon!

March 25, 2010

My life as I knew it forever changed

I hate making a choice or decision as a result of something I witnessed on TV, on the news, or a movie. In this case, it was a documentary that changed my life. It wasn’t solely the documentary. I have always walked through life and crossed paths with “small mentions” of what the documentary focused on and I’ve already implemented small changes into my life that affected my daily habits; however, the documentary, Food Inc., was the last, not so subtle, mention that finally made me take the huge jump to change the rest of my life.


I hope this blog isn’t “preachy”. I hope to never ever preach what I now believe. I hope to never come across as “I eat better than you. Why don’t you eat like me!?” I’m still learning and I’m very very much a newbie at this, but I’m taking it one step at a time. I’m researching, reading, and asking questions. One day I hope to be able to answer questions confidentially and accurately.

Here’s only a tiny bit of what I’ve learned. These statements are what I wish I had known years ago...

- approximately 75% of all processed food contain GMOs (genetically modified organisms). A GMO example, the genes from an arctic flounder, which has “antifreeze” properties may be spliced into a tomato to prevent frost damage. (From Saynotogmos.org).  In the US, there are no laws requiring foods and products containing GMOs to be labeled. The effect of GMOs in humans have not been thoroughly tested. Animal feeding studies have resulted in pre-cancerous cell growth, damaged immune systems, smaller brains, livers, and testicles, partial atrophy or increased density of the liver, odd shaped cell nuclei and other unexplained anomalies, false pregnancies and higher death rates.(From NonGMOShoppingGuide) It’s a completely different story in Europe where more vigorous testing has been performed. Most of Europe is GMO-Free. Why aren’t we!?!?




- At “processing” plants and slaughters, pigs are being “herded” by machines, suffocated, and then “processed”. The disgusting sound of high pitched shrieking before being suffocated will never leave my memory.

- Cows are grass-fed animals; however, in the US, farmers are feeding these animals corn filled with supplements, antibiotics, and growth hormones. The vision of live fearful cows being moved around by a fork lift, because the cow can no longer stand on its own legs (due to the weight of its own body) will also never leave my memory for as long as I live. It’s inhumane and all for MONEY! more information on beef

- It’s the same story with chickens. They are raised in large farm houses. They never see the light of the sun. They are not allowed to roam free. Only allowed to grow while being packed one on top of another. They walk in each others feces and on top of other dead carcasses that have died because they too cannot walk because of the weight put on their joints. It’s inhumane and again, all for the most MONEY!

I was slowly killing myself and my family. My life has changed. I will no longer support disrespect to animals and GMOs (until it is more thoroughly tested in humans). I will eat Organic whenever possible. I will nourish my body. And I will teach my children the same.

Here are a couple of articles written involving our children and our fertility: GMOs linked to Infertility | Avoiding GMOs in Your Baby's Food Source

And more: GMOs Linked to Organ Failure

March 15, 2010

The Bright Side - “only” 35 days

It’s become a little old, I suppose, to complain about not O’ing or no BFP, so I’m looking at the bright side of things.... this cycle was only 35 days long. Pretty good, eh!? Last year at this time, I would have been amongst my 150 day cycle. Then, I saw “regularity” in 40 days. Now, 35 days. Pretty Cool.

My stress level has risen almost back to the level it was a few months ago. Dh’s transfer decision is really really stressing me out. I work for a very very caring doctor who is very aware of dh’s transfer opportunities. Last week he blatantly asked me, “So has he made a decision yet!?” My answer turned into two solid days of “college decision” conversation. I got no work done! Ugh.

I need to be confident dh will make the right decision for all of the right reasons. I would love to stay in Texas for another couple of years; however, it’s not entirely my decision. If moving somewhere else so he can get a better education is realistic financially, then why not move!? It’s just such a big decision. The idea was so easy to fantasize about; however, now that I know he’s been accepted to now TWO out of state colleges (Yes, University of Pittsburgh says accepted too!) and we could very well be moving.... it’s freaking me out.

Is it the right decision? Will I be able to find a job? Will I like my job? Will we be able to find an affordable place to live? Will dh get the best education wherever he chooses? Will we be happy?

It’s very overwhelming.

March 9, 2010

Busy, but very Bad Blogger of me.

Wow, I’ve been a bad bad blogger. Next week would have been one month since my last blog post...eeecckkkk!

I realize I’ve been pretty boring lately. School is keeping me very busy and I haven’t had much time to myself. That’s ok though, it’s all for a good reason!

As of today, I’m extremely motivated to stay in school and graduate! Of course, it helps that I’m doing really well so far. Last weekend I learned that I got the highest test grade in my college algebra class!! Toot toot! And my second essay for English was another A! Toot toot! So I’m saying to myself: “Wow! I can really do this!”

And of course having a genius for a husband is also a great motivator! He learned last week that he was accepted to Arizona State University! He’s planning on visiting the campus early April!!

I’m 100% positive I did not O this cycle. What else is new right? So the Soy did not work. Again … what else is new? Dh and I are both trying to eat well and workout. We’ve started working out at school and may start going for a run in the mornings! I’m really trying this time, so in time, we’ll see how much I’m able to lose and if my cycles will be affected in any way… It’s a waiting game again, I suppose. And quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of waiting, but I only have myself to blame.

AF hasn’t shown, but I think she may be knocking. I’m on CD35-ish. Which is normal for me, of course.

February 18, 2010

a turn, a fork in the road, ... more uncertainty

I should be more of a follower. I need to learn how to be a follower rather than a leader. I told dh that he wasn’t allowed to go to school out of state, because of MY (new) job. How dare I? What gives me the power to say that? A month ago I would have said for financial reasons, but really how much money are we really talking here? Not enough to sacrifice his education.

I don’t know what came over me today. I was sitting at work and thought “Are we making the right decision by staying here in Texas?” TCU is a great school, but is it the best? He deserves the best. WE deserve the best. After a few minutes, I tried to brush off the thought and say “Yes, of course. We’re making the right decision and we’re VERY happy with it.” I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Almost like my brain was talking, but my heart was screaming louder.

After a short gmail chat session, dh told me he’s happy going to TCU, but will be happier going to an out of state school. So here we go - back on the roller coaster…

He’ll be sending out more applications by the end of the week!

February 8, 2010

My 1st English Paper

...and I got an A! 95/100 to be exact! I'm really proud of myself, because English is NOT my strong point. I'm taking it online, so I have no excuse to NOT go to class - hah!

So our first paper was to be written about something we strongly believed in. There were many more requirements, but I won't bore you. I titled it "The Gift". It's funny because a few posts ago, my blog was titled "The Gift". It's a little different in my paper - more personal.

I'll let you read it here:

The Gift
Where did you come from? How were you created? If you believe in a higher power, you may mention God in your answer. Or you may say your mother gave birth to you. We rarely think beyond our births, probably due to the horrid idea that our parents participated in that activity called sexual intercourse, but what if we keep thinking? How did your feet land on this earth? What did your mother do prior to the activity that was such an integral part of your creation? She ovulated. For females, second to becoming a mother, I believe ovulation is the greatest gift. Yes – the ability for an ovary to release an egg.

Working in the industry of Obstetrics and Gynecology I see countless young women, often teenagers and barely twenty-somethings with perfectly plump bellies, come into our office to be treated for their unplanned pregnancies. They are all unable to pay for their prenatal care and future deliveries, so most of them are on government assistance. Also, these young women rarely have the fathers by their side. Amongst so much negativity, with the exception of the beautiful life growing inside them, I often wonder if these young women know they have the gift.

Or the women who are trying to conceive with the aid of fertility treatments. Their faces cringe when they learn they will be required to swallow large pills and inject their own abdomens with fertility drugs daily. Then, two weeks after ovulation, tears roll down their faces as a pink negative sign appears on the piece of plastic they just urinated on. But, do they know they have the gift?

I realize there are women who have gone through intense labor pains to deliver their dead infants who unexpectedly passed inside their womb. I acknowledge there are women who have become pregnant, almost as many times as they possess fingers, only to experience a miscarriage a few weeks later. I recognize all of that and pray for those women daily; however, I still wonder; do they realize they have the gift?

Roughly twelve times a year, all fertile females produce the gift, often having no idea at all, going on with normal facets of life. We all exist today, because our mothers had the gift. I do not have the gift. I yearn for the gift, for the chance to someday obtain the ultimate gift of all – to be a mom.

February 7, 2010

The acceptance is in

We’ve been talking about this moment for the past 2 years. We’ve wished and hoped it would come and here it is.





TCU (Texas Christian University) says “Accepted”! This acceptance followed 2 others – University of North Texas and the University of Texas at Arlington, but dh’s heart was set on the purple!

I am so incredibly proud of him. I couldn’t quite express how I felt yesterday, but it’s extreme proud with a lot of admiration mixed in. I’ve returned to college and I’m confident I can achieve my goal this second time around. I’ve witnessed his passion and drive and it’s unlike no other.

Our next hurdle is affording it. We will need to rely heavily on scholarships and financial aid. I’m not stressed out about it (yet). I’m positive whatever it costs will be worth it in the end.

In TTC news, AF arrived 4 days ago. I’m not positive I ovulated last cycle. My guess is no, so I’m grateful my cycle was only 35 days! Dh would like to try Soy Iso (the herbal equivalent of Clomid), so I took my first dose last night before bed. Of course, we’re not being monitored, so I’ll need to be careful and constantly tune into what I’m feeling in fear of developing a cyst.

January 30, 2010

Personal Essay

My current assignment is a personal essay. We have to write about something we believe. It was extremely difficult to figure out what my topic would be, but I think I've got it hammered down - stay tuned! In the meantime, I just had to share this essay with all of my fellow infertiles and those of you who are going through or gone through adoption. Enjoy!

Click here for the audio version.

Becoming a Parent is a Gift

I no longer believe my wife and I are going to have a baby the old-fashioned way, but I no longer think this really matters. I believe in adoption now. Four months ago, the Chinese government accepted our dossier. In the next year or two, a little girl will be born and her parents will not want her. My wife and I will fly to China to meet this girl and bring her home with us.

When I was a teenager, everyone said becoming a parent was easy — so easy, I had to be careful not to do it accidentally. I guess it’s easy for a lot of other people, but not for me and my wife.

I’m 39. My wife is 31. For the last two years, I’ve watched this woman I love inject herself with needles full of hormone syrup. She got huge bruises on each side of her waist.

Our friends would bring their kids over to visit and we’d hang up their tiny coats, hoping some magic would rub off on our hands. When it didn’t, we started avoiding any place we’d see the one thing we wanted so desperately. Our own neighborhood became awkward. The woman across the street emerged in the spring with a giant belly. My wife and I stopped going to parks and matinees. Taking our clothes off became a medical procedure; we obeyed the calendar instead of each other’s eyes. I’d see young couples pushing strollers in the grocery store and I’d taste jealousy like pennies in my mouth. I used to believe that becoming a parent was part of our biology. It was something everyone could do. When I couldn’t make a baby, I felt a little less human.

I teach in a prison, a medium-security facility full of men. I help guys write letters when they ask. Most of the letters are to girlfriends and ex-wives. I don’t see long letters to children. I feel lost opportunity all around me. I can see that becoming a parent is much more than our biology.

I now believe that becoming a parent is a gift you make to the universe and that the universe makes to you. Now, I want my family to include a little girl who looks nothing like me or my wife. Someday I’ll lean across a table and cut this little girl’s green beans. I’ll meet her teachers. I’ll see her bicycle standing in the garage. I love the idea that this girl will grow up to be a woman and still look nothing like me, but whenever she hears the word “dad,” she’ll think of me.

People think we’re good or generous because we’re giving a home to an orphan, and giving her a family but the truth is she’ll be giving us a family. I believe in adoption because it will make me the man I want to be: a father.


Chris Huntington - Indianapolis, Indiana
As heard on NPR’s npr.org, June 17, 2007