February 27, 2009

Go On Vacation = Spend Large Amount of Money

When I think of spending large amounts of money, I meticulously evaluate the whole situation as it relates to the way I live my life. I will analyze every detail in order to convince myself spending the large amount of money is a necessity, not a convenience or a want.

Vacation is not a necessity. It’s a convenience, in my opinion. Some people may think it’s a necessity for their sanity, but honestly, they are probably the ones who are able to have an extra $5K or more sitting in their savings at all times dedicated to “Traveling”. Should I live that way one day, an annual vacation with my husband and/or family will be a necessity, for my sanity’s sake and for my families’ broadening of the world’s beauty.

Right now in our lives, J is finishing up his first year of college and already needs a vacation! We haven’t taken a true vacation in nearly 4 years, which was our honeymoon to the Canadian Rocky Mountains in Alberta. It was the most magical 10 days ever! We had planned to return on our 5 year anniversary. Well, the travel bug has nipped my husband in the rear, and he wants to go back THIS year!

I would love to go back to Canada, really, I would! But how can I justify spending $1500 (that’s the limit I’ve given this trip) this year? $1500 may not sound like a lot to many of you in terms of vacations, but to me that’s $1500 that could be going towards our debt, a down payment on a second vehicle (someday, not anytime too soon), a baby’s nursery, not to mention to go towards medical bills we’ve accrued while trying to conceive and/or medical bills for a future child birth! What is he thinking?!

And then, I gave in. Maybe a vacation would be good for me. I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress lately, or maybe that’s the evil A on my left shoulder telling me these lies. Maybe I’m making it up in my head. I really don’t know.

J and I have a date tonight at our favorite restaurant and we’re going talk about it in depth.........
p.s. going on a vacation also means I’ll have to buy a camera (in order to take beautiful pictures like you'll see below), which means......... more money.

February 24, 2009

Why am I like this? Is something wrong with me?

I’ve had some life changing experiences in my life that have forced me to step back and take a good like at myself as a person. I’d like to say that I have changed for the better; however, there is one aspect of my being that hasn’t changed one bit. I’d like to think it’s not a horrible attribute but it does make me whine like a baby sometimes, inching me closer to full-blown tears.

I’m a people pleaser. I have always loved to surprise people, help people, and watch their reactions of happiness and appreciation. If I can make someone else’s life easier, I do whatever I can to do so - from a small business recommendation to offering someone a job to work for me. In every aspect of my life I people please. I give 200% to give everyone the best. Doesn’t seem so horrible, huh?

Well it doesn’t feel so great when I don’t get the same in return. I know I shouldn’t expect it, but at times, I do. Here I am trying to make the best out of a situation and in return I get walked all over, excluded, ....... I get nothing. It stings. Why am I like this?

TTC news - CD 1 today! Wahoo!! AF arrived bright and early this morning! Finally on with a new cycle! :)

February 20, 2009

How will we ever do it?

Do you know how hard it is to be married to a full time student? If so, can you please provide me with some words of wisdom? I’ve been totally wiggin out lately. Ok, you’re right....... STRESSING out!

My husband, J, goes to school Monday through Friday and gets home about 1 pm, except for Mondays when he gets home at about 4 pm. Lately, I’ve been working 4 – 6 hour days and in the summer it will be closer to 8 – 10 hour days. My husband does not work, so when he gets home he typically gets to work doing schoolwork and/or studying. He’ll usually do this until dinnertime. Then we’ll catch up on DVR and go to bed at a decent time. Sounds great, right!?

How in the world will we ever be able to take care of a child with our daily schedules? Will we need to hire someone to take care of the baby during the day while we’re at school/working? How in the world will we be able to afford that with only one income – one fluctuating income, at that. Is it possible for me to work during naptime or while the baby is playing alone (next to me, of course, which hinders me to talking to customers on the phone)? Yes, that may be possible, but what if I’ve been up all night with a hungry baby and would like to take a nap myself? I won’t produce quality work being sleep deprived. And on top of all of that, will we be able to do everything with only one car? (Yes, we only have one vehicle. One Income = One Vehicle)

I've trained my sister to work for me, but she’s also a stay at home wife (for the most part) and (I think) she’d be willing to assist me with childcare. She used to run an in home daycare. So I do have some options if I utilize her BUT I’ll also have those options for a short period of time. See, my husband will transfer to a four-year university next year. We hope to have an idea of where he’s been accepted and where we plan to move next Summer before Fall semester starts. 9 out of 10 of his choices are out of state. If we were to become PG this next cycle, I’d be due right before Christmas. That only allows me 6 – 9 months to utilize my sister during the day.

Everyone always says – “You’ll make it work. Everything will fall into place.” But, the unknown is so scary. I try to talk to J about it, but he’s really stressing about school right now, so he usually doesn’t give it much attention and continues to talk about school.

Your probably asking “Why don’t you put TTC off until your husband is done with school?” HAH! He wants to get is PhD, so our life will comprise of college coursework for many years to come! We’re 26/27 years old. We’ve waited long enough and we’re ready now! We know it will be hard, but we’ve accepted the reality. I’m still entitled to vent and freak out every once in awhile, right!?

February 18, 2009

Provera #2 & My New Goal

I'm on CD26 today and still no O. I've waited long enough, so I've started Provera to induce AF and start a new cycle. This will be my 2nd time taking Provera. It worked like a charm the first time, so I'm pretty positive about this second round. Hopefully, AF will arrive sooner than later.

And I've set a new goal for myself. I want to lose my current belly so that I can grow a new one! I've lost about 25 pounds since weighing my heaviest. People notice (including my Dad this weekend, which was super sweet) but I still have more to go! I want to get PG and be able to grow a little baby belly, like most women who are not overweight who are "all belly". If I were to get PG soon, I'd probably look like I was just getting fatter! If I took a picture of my belly now it would probably look like I was 10 weeks or so - seriously!

I look at it this way: I have probably a week and a half before AF arrives. Then next cycle is another 4 weeks, so in total I have 5 and half weeks to workout and lose as much weight as I can! And if our next cycle is a BFN, that's ok, because I'll have a little more time to achieve my goal!

DH is at his heaviest right now, so we're both going to start following Weight Watchers and counting points. This is going to be fun!

February 16, 2009

I will NOT return to Austin, TX, ever!

Why is it that every time I go back home, I lose something very expensive? Last time when we visited was back in early December, I lost my cell phone. This weekend I lost my $400+ camera! Yup, someone has a very nice camera right now, WITH fully charged rechargeable batteries in it, WITH tons of really pretty pictures! UGH! Why me??

I was totally bummed, but it's my own damn fault. It was too big for my purse, so I carried it around in my hand, which totally sucked. It was cold, so occasionally, I wanted to put my hands in my pockets. I put it down on a window ledge and left it there.

I love my camera. We bought it before we got married in 2005. It took awesome pictures, but I do have to say, my number one complaint was the size of it. Now days they have these really great cameras about the size of a Jello box.

I'm ok with parting ways with my "big" bulky camera, because now I have an excuse to buy one that is smaller, but it still sucks. I'll probably put off buying a new one until we get PG. I can borrow my sister's if we need one for any reason.

Do they have digital cameras that is a video camera too? That would be totally cool!

And of course, on the TTC-front, no new news. I'm on CD24 and temps are still low. I've given up on OPKs, checking my CM and CP, so I called my doc today to request a prescription for Provera, but they are closed today, bummer. I'll call tomorrow, I suppose.

February 11, 2009

I'm back in the gym!

My business is pretty seasonal and in the late fall/early winter months we're pretty slow. J and I have to cut back drastically and that means our gym membership got cancelled. I was bummed when recently; I've actually wanted to go back to the gym! Since business has picked up, we signed back up and made our first visit back today! Wahoo!

I love the feeling I get after a workout. I feel like I've accomplished something big, even though it was probably only about an hour of exercise!!

I plan to go to the gym 4 to 5 days a week. Hopefully, now I’ll be able to lose more weight. I’ve been stuck around 178 to 181 or so. Ugh, I’m trying to get to 175 sooo bad. Then my next goal…… 165 pounds, my wedding day weight!

My body has been a total roller coaster lately. My O pains dissipated completely but returned this afternoon (after my workout) with a vengeance (maybe my ovaries liked my workout?!?!?).

My OPK this afternoon was darker than it’s been, so I’m crossing my fingers this is a sign of O.

J and I are traveling to Austin for V-day. I’m SUPER excited!!! We have reservations at my favorite Sushi restaurant. YUMM. I’ll also be able to see some friends and family while we’re in town.

February 8, 2009

25 Random Things

I did this on facebook last week and I really really enjoyed reading everyone else's 25 things, so I'm going to post mine here. I hope you enjoy them! The purple comments were inserted especially and exclusively for my blog readers!

1. I almost never participate in things like this.
2. My fingernails are the longest they’ve ever been. (Good Ole’ PNVs!)
3. I once weighed over 200 pounds.
4. At the young age of 24, I started my own company.
5. My oldest sister is my role model. She has a successful marriage and two “perfect” children!
6. I have dreams about being in Dragonettes once every 3 – 6 months. (High School Drill Team)
7. I’m secretly hoping J transfers to a University out of state!
8. I have moved once every 12 – 18 months for the past 8 years.
9. J bought my engagement ring the same day my day had his stroke.
10. I’m obsessed with John & Kate Plus 8 and The Duggars – the good and the bad.
11. I love every single animal in the world, except for a cat named Samson that lives in my house.
12. Sometimes if my customers are annoying and high maintenance, I’ll ignore them until I’m ready to deal with them.
13. I love Punk Rock music, most of it.
14. My parents only wanted 3 children. I wouldn’t be here today if my mom’s 3rd pregnancy wasn’t a miscarriage.
15. I could totally go back to school to get my degree, but I totally hate going to class, doing homework and studying. I’d rather be doing something else.
16. J and I originally planned to marry on October 16, 2004, but pushed the wedding back a year, because we both agreed we weren’t ready to get married.
17. I’m keeping a small bit of information from mostly everyone I know and I blog about it all of the time. (You all know what it is!)
18. I eat some really weird foods, like brussel sprouts, liver and onions, gizzards, tripas, and menudo.
19. I want to sell my business some day for $20K…. or more would be fine too!
20. I don’t do laundry. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of it.
21. We spent more than $7K eating out last year. Happy hour is so tempting after a long hard day.
22. When I was 18, I flew to Florida to go meet a guy I met online. (Of course, my parents didn’t know.) He’s now my best friend.
23. My oldest sister is 12 years older than me and I am 12 years older than her daughter.
24. The first time J got into bed with me, he kept his clothes on.
25. I used to be extremely shy and quiet, but now I’m really loud and obnoxious!

February 6, 2009

Still waiting to O

I know this feeling all too well. It's comforting though to have a previous cycle to refer back to. I had O pains for 5 days prior to O last cycle. With this cycle today is day 5 of O pains, so I'm hoping I O very soon! My cervix is soft and high today, but pretty much closed, in my opinion.

OPK practice has been just that - practice. I'm trying to test at the same times everyday, but I'm also trying to test at different times to see what works for me. I think I've found that 4:30 pm is a good time for me. I got my darkest OPKs on CD12 at 4:30 pm and today at the same time. Since then they've lightened up, but I think they're getting a little darker.

My ovaries have been burning lately. About 75% of the time it's my left Ovary, the Ovary that released my last cycle's egg. This cycle I was hoping my right Ovary would pull it's weight and help out.

I wasn't monitored this cycle, because I got my first medical bill - $285!! And that was only for one of my visits! My doctor's office is going to refile the claim with a different diagnosis and see if the insurance will pay it. The dummies put "Female Infertility" on the claim, so of course, my crappy insurance denied it! If they do pay it, I'll resume monitoring with our next cycle, if necessary (positive thoughts).

February 4, 2009


As the name of my blog suggests, things are just really uncentered (is that a word?) around me. I don't know what's going on.

Business is slowing down, which always worries me....... J got his first C on an assignment. Which now that I think about it, I think it's his first C since starting college.......and of course TTC details are uncentered as well. My temps haven't come down much at all. I don't know what this means. I haven't been having really strong O pains like I did last cycle, so I'm starting to think I won't O on only 50 mg. Yes, this is LESS than I took last cycle. It's a long boring story, but I'll probably go back up to 100 mg next cycle. I have absolutely no CM. I've always heard #2 Clomid cycles can be kind of wonky, some women won't O, but geez, I'm becoming Negative Nancy too soon.

I'm trying to be patient and positive, really, I am.