- Aiyana pats her diaper and says "pee pee". She does it when she pees. We ask her if she wants to go pee pee on the potty, and she runs to her potty. We take her clothes and diaper off, and she runs like a mad woman down the hallway and through the living room! She says "no" to a new diaper. Then, about 10 minutes later she's trying to put her diaper on herself. Silly girl.
- Aiyana's babysitter scolded me when Aiyana showed up at daycare, after being home with her Daddy for an entire month, with what she calls an attitude! Aiyana has a mean face. She points her head down, but keeps eye contact with you and scrunches her eyebrows!
- Aiyana loves to go outside. She made John and I go outside to play on the playground TWICE the other night in the 30 degree cold weather.
- For Aiyana, there's no longer any agony over me leaving to work. She gives me a hug and a kiss and says "bye bye ove yew."
- Aiyana knows how to unlock and use my iPhone very successfully. She knows where her apps are located. She knows how to get into and out of an app. She knows how to go back to the main menu of an app if she needs to. I can't believe how quickly she picked up iPhone operation.
- And lasty, Aiyana has a book of animals and common "things". We will ask her questions like, "Where is the chicken?" or "Where is the fish?", and she points to the correct one!
"When God says "no", it's because He has something better in store for you."
I'm so overwhelmed with the outpouring of support I've received since last Thursday. The offering of prayers, thoughts, hugs, shoulders, talks and tears has been in absolute abundance. I chose to share this pregnancy with a select few ladies - ladies who I've grown very close to over the course of 2-5 years. They stood beside me every step of the way. My phone was constantly vibrating or ringing. FB messages were constant. It was a little overwhelming at times. I hate so much attention, but gosh, I got through this so well with them by my side. They were constantly saying how surprised they were at how well I was taking everything. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by such amazing friends.
And most importantly, my husband. I still think this hit him a lot harder than it did me. I've mentioned, I always expect the worse. I hate for people around me to be sad and/or emotionally hurt inside, and I hated to know he was hurting. This kind of thing is never wished for, but parenting our daughter and now this miscarriage has only brought us closer. Since we became pregnant with Aiyana I don't think we've had one argument (it's pretty damn remarkable), and it feels good to know you found the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. John and I have been through so much together. We've grown so close and so incredibly strong.
To deal with the pain, I redirected my thoughts to the good that surrounds John and I, and I realized that there is so much good around us right now. The best being our ham of a daughter, Aiyana. She's constantly ensuring we have a smile on our face and sharing in laughter. She's hilarious, and she gets cuter and cuter as each day passes. I can't wait till she starts having conversations with me, because she is so freaking entertaining. She's the best good there is.
Follow up ultrasound today showed an empty uterus with a normal lining. Hopefully this means my bleeding will stop soon. My ovaries appeared normal - almost didn't appear polycystic anymore. One ovary didn't have any visible follicles, and one ovary did have a few.
I can't believe how quickly and... dare I say it??... easy it was for my body to pass the tissue. I was in pain for about 1 hour, but after that I've been feeling fine. I'm so grateful this was physically painless. Now, emotionally, we need to heal.
Appointment w/ ultrasound yesterday. Not good news.
There are two sacs, and they both appear to be empty. One sac measures 7.5 weeks and I should be 6.5 weeks exactly. I'm 100% positive of my dates. At either 6.5 or 7.5 weeks, we should see something in the sac, a baby, a yolk sac, and/or a heartbeat. There was nothing.
Everyone says "I'm holding out hope it's too early to see anything" and "I'm praying you still get some good news". I appreciate the thoughts, the prayers and support.
It sucks to work in Obstetrics. I see and hear of all of the bad stuff - the miscarriages, the stillbirths, the complications, the maternal deaths... all of it. I know there are perfectly healthy pregnancies and deliveries (I had one with Aiyana.).
I always go in expecting the worse. When I told John I was pregnant with Aiyana, I immediately told him not to get too excited. I was expecting the worse. I did the same with this pregnancy. I don't allow myself to get too excited about holding a healthy baby. I just can't. I attribute it to working for an OB, but also all those years I closely monitored my cycles. I witnessed my body gear up for ovulation, then nothing happened. Disappointment over and over and over for 3 long miserable years. When my body didn't ovulate, I wasn't surprised. I became numb to it. Numb. Yes. Kind of like how I'm feeling now.
My OB will check my HCG levels. First draw was this morning. Next draw will be Monday. Tuesday we'll go in for a follow up ultrasound.
I am 33 years old and have been married to a wonderful man for 10 years. We battled infertility and PCOS w/ IR for nearly 3 years before we received our first BFP in September 2010. Our daughter was born on May 31, 2011. I have two careers. I own a small graphic design business, and I'm also a Certified Medical Coder. ...all while supporting my husband through graduate school.
22 dpo (5 w pg) - Beta HCG is 23 (miscarriage confirmed)
April 28, 2015 - began miscarrying
2nd Pregnancy - Miscarriage of twins
O'ing naturally around CD 20-28 for 6 consecutive mths - something we never experienced before.
December 15, 2012 at 3w5d - Natural BFP! Due: August 26, 2013 Starting weight: 162
6w4d - Two gestational sacs. Both empty.
6w5d - HCG - 19,023
6w6d - Started bleeding and passed a large blob of tissue
7w - HCG - 707 :(
7w1d - Follow up u/s -m/c complete, uterine lining and ovaries appeared normal.
5/31/11 - Aiyana Helene is born! 7 lbs. 7 oz., 20.5 in 6/2/11 - Discharged from hospital - 6 lbs. 14 oz. 6/4/11 - 6 lbs. 15 oz. 6/8/11 - 7 lbs. 7 oz - Back to her birth weight after only 8 days! 6/15/11 - 8 lbs. 4 oz.; 21 inches 6/18/11 - First full on smile in response to Mommy! 6/21/11 - Very first coo's!
8/4/11 - First vaccines; 12 lbs and 22.5 in 8/11/11 - First Chuckle 8/14/11 - First night to sleep in crib! 9/4/11 - Started to grab and pull at her toys! 9/23/11 - Rolled over from back to belly and her first Ranger baseball game! 10/10/11 - 16 lbs. 11 oz.
My First Pregnancy
Aug 21, 2010 - 1st Femara cycle - 2.5 mg (CD 3-7) Sept 7, 2010 - O'd for only the 2nd time in 3 years! Sept 22, 2010 - BFP!!!!
6w2d - Saw gest sac, yolk, and baby 7w2d - Saw HB on u/s 12w - Found HB on doppler (166 BPM) for the first time 14w2d - Doc 80% sure IT'S A GIRL!! 15w4d - Felt first tickle of movement 17w - Feeling taps of movement multiple times a day 17w - Anatomy looks great and it's definitely a GIRL!! 20w2d - Mommy felt movement from outside! 21w5d - Daddy gets kicked for the first time!! 29w2d - u/s - baby could be 3.5 pounds already!! 31w3d - Daddy hears heartbeat w/ his ear to belly! 35w6d - Started to lose mucous plug 36w3d - Cervix 0-1 cm and 50% effaced 37w2d - Cervix same... no change 38w3d - Cervix same... no change 39w2d - Cervix same... no change; Scheduled Cervical Ripening and Induction for June 2nd (40w2d).
40w - Due Date - Aiyana is born!
Our Infertility Journey
Dec 07 - Stopped BCP
Mar 08 - Read TCOYF(Taking Charge of Your Fertility) and started charting
Aug 08 - Started Prometrium to start a new cycle (FAILED)
Sept 08 - Started NPC to start a new cycle (FAILED)
Oct 08 - 2nd attempt w/ Prometrium to start a new cycle (FAILED)
Nov 08 - Added Vitamin B6 and B-complex
Dec 08 - Finally AF arrived after 5 days of Provera
Jan 09 - 100 mg Clomid (CD 3-7); 2 follicles (12-13 mm on CD13); 1 follicle (18 mm) and 1 follicle (14 mm), lining 9 mm on CD15, O on CD18 - BFN
Dec 08 - 1st Sonogram (borderline PCOS, One 1 cm follicle - good news); Bloodwork - slightly elevated testosterone
Feb 09 - 50 mg Clomid (CD 3-7); no monitoring this cycle - No O
Mar 09 - 100 mg Clomid (3-7); US on CD14 found 7 cm Cyst. No more clomid until it goes away.
May 09 - Cyst gone!
June 09 - Cautiously trying 25 mg of Clomid (3-7) - No O
July 09 - 50 mg of Clomid (3-7) - No O
Aug 09-Nov 09 - Participated in Clinical Research Studies for those with PCOS
Dec 09 - Withdrew from infertility treatments and hoping it happens naturally
2WW = 2 Week Wait (the two weeks after ovulation and before AF arrives) AF = Aunt Flo (menstruation/period) B/W = Bloodwork BCP = Birth Control Pills BD = Sex to TTC; Baby Dance Beta = Blood pregnancy test
BF = Breastfeed/Breastfeeding BFN = Big Fat Negative (negative pg test) BFP = Big Fat Positive (positive pg test) BH = Braxton Hicks CD = Cycle Day (before we got PG!) CD = Cloth Diaper
DD = Dear Daughter DH = Dear/Darling Husband DPO = Days Past Ovulation
DS = Dear Son DTD = Doing The Deed (Sex) E2 = Estradiol (Estrogen)
FF = Formula Feed FMU = First Morning Urine FSH = Follicle Stimulating Hormone H&H = Happy and Healthy HCG = Human Chorionic GonadotropinCancel HPT = Home Pregnancy Test HSG = Hysterosalpingogram IB = Implantation Bleeding IF = Infertility IM = Intramuscular IR = Insulin Resistant IUI = Intra-uterine Insemination IVF = In Vitro Fertilization LH = Luteinizing hormone LMP = Last Menstrual Period
LO = Little One LOL = Laugh Out Loud LPD = Luteal Phase Defect M/C = Miscarriage OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit O = Ovulate P4 = Progesterone PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome PG = Pregnant PNV = Pre-natal vitamin POAS = Pee on a Stick (ex, take a pregnancy test) RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist (Infertility Specialist) RRL = Red Raspberry Leaf Tea S/A = Sperm/Semen Analysis SO = Spouse or Significant Other S/W = Software (I use to chart my cycles) TCOYF = Taking Charge of Your Fertility TMI = Too Much Information TSH = Thyroid Stimulating Hormone TTC = Trying to Conceive U/S = Ultrasound