January 29, 2009

Scheduling when I pee

I never thought I’d be planning when I go to the bathroom. Is this even possible??

My OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Strips) arrived yesterday. I don’t really know the in’s and out’s of using these, so I’ve been doing some reading today. Apparently, there’s a right and wrong way to use OPKs, so if I want to get the most out of these, I must read up!

Here are some interesting points I have found:

- Since my cycle (last cycle) was 31 days, I should start testing on CD14. Seems a little late to me, so I may start on CD12 or CD13. We’ll call it “Practice”.
- I should not pee first thing in the morning as “LH is synthesized in your body early in the morning.” The best time to test is between 10 am – 8 pm. And it’s best to test around the same times everyday.
- I should reduce liquid intake 2 hours before testing to avoid diluting my urine.
- I must wait 10 minutes to read the result.

I feel like I’m trying to figure out a math problem. Would I be totally OCD and anal if I kept track of how many ounces of liquid I was drinking vs. my pee times?!?! Because I have no idea how often I pee during the day. Oh boy, this is going to be fun!

January 28, 2009

I feel like a kid at Christmas waiting for Santa

Well really, I’m waiting for the FedEx Delivery Man. I’m expecting an early Valentine’s present today – a brand new, bright and shiny Blackberry Storm!! I’m stoked and so excited for it to arrive.

This will be my first blackberry. I’m a business owner and communicate with my customers by email 95% of the time. I’m not sure having access to my email at all times will be a good thing, but we’ll see. I may regret buying a blackberry in June and July when I get really really busy and have 20 unread emails at all times.

Hurry it up, FedEx man!

January 24, 2009

Onto Clomid Cycle #2

My temp dropped this morning and as expected AF arrived today. Boo!

According to my chart, I O'd on CD18. We BD'd everyday CD 15 - 20, except for ONE day. Guess what day it was?!? Yup, CD18!

I'm hopeful for this next cycle. Since this cycle was my first to finally O in a year, I was entering into our first cycle blindly. I didn't know when I would O'd. I didn't know how long my LP would be... nothing. So with our next cycle I'll have something to compare it to.

I'm going to start using OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits), or in my case OPSs (Ovulation Predictor Strips), to see if we can pinpoint when I'll O this cycle.

I'm unsure if I'll be monitored this cycle, due to crappy insurance reasons. I won't bore you with the details. I'm optimistic it won't "hurt" us as I really don't feel the HCG trigger helped us O anyways this cycle. I just won't know how many follicles I have and their size.

I'm extremely bummed our first clomid cycle ended in a BFN, but I'm also extremly overjoyed that after one year, finally, I had somewhat of a "normal" cycle. I ovulated around the normal time and AF arrived on her own.

January 23, 2009

I'm grateful for a BFN

Yes, that's correct. This morning's temp was the highest temp I've ever recorded. I felt pretty good, as far as my cold was concerned, so I tested and got a BFN.

Now I know what's it's like to be hopeful and wishful and then, bam, stark white BFN.

Prior to this cycle, I used to get really perturb and in a way a little offended when I’d hear other women complain about their BFN only after 10 dpo or a few days thereafter. I realize now it’s not the best feeling in the world to expect a line and see no line; however, with my first BFN, I’m actually grateful and I’ve created a list:

1. I’m grateful I have 2 ovaries, 2 fallopian tubes, a uterus and a cervix. Some women can’t say the same.
2. I’m grateful that I ovulated. Some women never do.
3. I’m grateful my LP is longer than 10 days. Some women’s LPs are not.
4. I’m grateful that I can afford and take Clomid. Some women cannot.
5. I’m grateful that I had two large follicles on CD13 and CD15.
6. I’m grateful to have a loving husband with whom I can TTC with. Some women do not.
7. I’m grateful for the knowledge I’ve acquired through books, articles, doctors, friends, and family about TTC. Some people do not.
8. I’m grateful for my doctor and office staff who are assisting DH and I in TTC. Some women can’t afford to go to the doctor.
9. I’m grateful I can afford PG tests. Some women cannot.
10. I’m grateful for my friends, family and all of you who are concerned with our journey and have supported us through it. Some people have no support.

January 21, 2009

Negative Nancy and an excuse for everything

I’ve been a true Negative Nancy about Clomid Cycle #1. I’m still not convinced I O’d. Everyone that looks at my chart says I surely did.

Here’s what I’ve been telling myself lately:
1. You O’d ON the day of the HCG Trigger. What are the chances of that? Did the trigger make you ovulate within 12-24 hours? I don’t think so! Could you have O’d on your own with no assistance from the trigger? it’s possible! BUT...

2. I’ve seen/charted temps that resembled O twice and I was stabbed with a pitch fork with a BFN and no sign of AF. When I compare this cycle to the last time I thought I O’d, there’s a resemblance in the range of temps. The increase is only half a degree, which is exactly what I’m seeing now. AND...

3. What about the high temp on CD16? It’s currently covered up as the s/w uses “Rule of Thumb” calculations and automatically discards it. If I override the calculation, the s/w takes away my O.

Now for the excuses:
My 3 highest temps after supposed O, were due to alcohol drinking the night prior and/or illness. I’m fighting a cold right now.

5. Maybe the HCG trigger made my temps increase?

6. And I've been having left side O pains for the past two days, again. WTF??

I guess it’s nothing I should stress over anymore. I can only wait it out and see what happens. If my temp stays high tomorrow, near the current range, and I’m feeling good (as far as my cold goes) then I’ll POAS tomorrow morning. If I can talk myself out of POAS tomorrow, I’ll wait one more day to see what my temp does.

January 20, 2009

My Husband

After 3 years of marriage we’ve been through some exciting times, some sad times, some horrible times, and just about everything in between. I understand we have many many more good and bad times in our future, but one thing I won’t deny is the foundation we’ve created and sustained together.

When I was a very young girl I saw the love my parents shared – sometimes in front of me or my friends – YUCK! But yet the more kisses, hugs, and touches I witnessed, I was learning the importance of love and commitment within a marriage. While no parents are perfect, I do believe my parents did the best they possibly could to raise 3 daughters on the solid foundation they built together.

The love for my husband is at it’s greatest; however, it truly amazes me to love him even more as time goes on. Conceiving our first child hasn’t been the most pleasant of rides, but I believe, it’s brought us closer and strengthened our marriage.

I’ll stop here as most of you are probably puking at about right now, but I just wanted to blog about how I’ve been feeling about my husband lately. Today is his birthday and I wish him all of the best today, tomorrow, and forever.

January 14, 2009

I hate flat temps.

I’ve had more flat temps this cycle that I ever have before. I hate them. I don’t know if they are good or bad, but I still hate them, because it means they are not moving! After I entered my temp from this morning, the s/w says I O’d on CD18 (the same day I took the HCG trigger). I’m not convinced. Why? Probably because I’ve been through this twice before and I was tricked into thinking I O’d both times. I really want to see temps above 98.1. Then maybe I’d believed it.

I’m thinking about going in for the p4 blood test. The results should be able to detect if I did indeed O. Or I could just wait for a BFP or AF.

January 10, 2009

3 days later… FINALLY the thigh stabbing can begin

These last 3 days have been quite a roller coaster. My temp increased on CD16, so I was thinking I may have ovulated. Then I heard from the local pharmacy and was told the Ovidrel (HCG) was not covered by my insurance and it was going to cost me $100 out of pocket. We had been told by our dr that we should expect a $60 expense for the shot. I’ll admit, I guess I’m cheap because I wanted to drop this shot altogether, because at this point, I didn’t even know if I’d O on the Clomid alone.

Well then I got this wonderful pharmacy recommendation from one of my fellow message board buddies – FFP (Freedom Fertility Pharmacy). I had never heard of this wonderful Pharmacy, but they offer the Ovidrel for only $44!! And that’s including overnight FedEx shipping!! So after leaving a message for my dr and contacting FFP 2 or 3 times, it was finally shipped out yesterday and arrived to my door this morning!

Now I must worry or stress about something - I’m thinking we were too late with the trigger AND I may have wasted it by stabbing my thigh instead of my belly fat.

The instructions directed a SB (subcutaneous) injection – in your belly fat. But my dr told me to inject IM (intramuscular), so I did as I was directed. I stabbed my thigh. It didn’t hurt one bit!! So I look closely at the syringe and it says “For Subcutaneous Injection”. UGH!!!! So did I just waste it by stabbing my thigh??!! UGH UGH UGH. I’ve heard that the IM injections hurt the most and this didn’t hurt at all, not even a pinch.

So now I’m thinking I wasted it. No signs of O’ing on my own, so now I’m convinced I’ll need the HCG trigger each cycle to actually O, but will I O this cycle with the HCG (if I didn’t waste it) or will I be cornered again with Provera.

And to think, a couple of blog posts ago, I was content ..... It’s so frustrating.

Update: I called the Ovidrel people and they said I shouldn't worry. It will still work! Yahoooooo!!! Crossing my fingers they are right.

January 7, 2009

I strive for perfection

Not really, but it was exactly what I said today when our second follicle check revealed one of my follicles had grown to 18 mm – the exact measurement my doctor wanted to see before she prescribed the HCG trigger. The other follicle had grown to only about 14 mm and I have many tiny follicles on my right side. She said that’s a great sign showing lots of potential for our next clomid cycle. (Crossing my fingers there won’t be a next clomid cycle!)

I was pleased and DH was actually excited! Now I’m dreading this shot. I have to put it in my thigh muscle. How in the world am I going to do that? Dh said he won’t do it for me – big baby. HAH!!

My endometrium (uterine lining) was 9 mm today. From what I’ve read this is good for implantation of a fertilized egg. Ideal is 6 mm or more, I believe.

I’ve been checking my CF (cervical fluid) and CP (cervical position) to help in determining O. I’m still very new at this, so I, honestly, take it with a grain of salt. Last night I observed a very soft and open cervix. I’ve never felt that before and it really freaked me out. For all I know this could be “partially open” and an actual “open” cervix will freak me out even more. I immediately laid down in bed with dh with one thing on my mind. After 5 minutes of lying there he got up and started to play his Xbox 360. Grrrrrrrrr, boy was I perturb. Oh well, he’s all mine these next few days!!

January 5, 2009

First Follicle Check

Well I woke up this morning to a temp increase – only about half a degree, but enough to trick me into thinking I may be ovulating. I haven’t had any O pains, so I’m thinking it may be a fluke.

We went in for our first follie check today. They found two follicles, both on my left side. Both measuring about 12 – 13 mm. I was bummed because these are small. She wants to check me again on Wednesday to see if they’ve grown any larger. She prefers 18 mm before she prescribes the HCG trigger shot.

I told her my hesitations with using the HCG trigger and she basically laughed in my face and said that was silly considering my history of long and annovulatory cycles. [My RANT] I realize these doctors want to get their patients PG quick, easy, and painless, but GEEZ, I hate pumping my body full of foreign (foreign to me) matter. It was hard enough to agree to taking the Clomid. [RANT over]

So here I am, dreaming of mixing unknown liquids and injecting them into my body…. man, I’m one lucky woman.

January 4, 2009

the unknown feeling – contentment

I mentioned before that 2008 was a very stressful year for me. I’ve unloaded a huge part of that stress unto my DH, which was the responsibility of handling the household finances. It was official last night when we sat down for a few hours reviewing the spreadsheets and outstanding bills that need to be paid. It’s now his baby!

I may sound like a total B****, unloading a huge stressor onto my husband, but honestly, if we want to get PG, I must eliminate most of the stress that surrounds me. And besides my husband doesn’t have a job. He’s a full time student. Now, I’m sure some of you (including my husband) are thinking, “That’s a full time job in itself.” You’re right! Now he has two! :)

And today, I feel so content. No worries at all. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow’s sonogram with tremendous anticipation. I can’t wait to find out how I’ve responded to this first round of Clomid.

Why I’m content today:
1. I’m enjoying the planned BDs!
2. I’m thrilled that I’m not experiencing any of the bad side effects from the Clomid.
3. I’ve been doing really well with the unnecessary money spending – none!
4. I haven’t had any cravings for a glass of wine!

5. and as I mentioned above, the household finances are no longer my responsibility!

January 2, 2009

A new year, a new beginning

Happy New Year!!

I love New Year’s! It’s probably one of my most favorite holidays, but most importantly, I love it because it feels like a fresh new start.

We actually DID travel to Austin for NYE (New Year’s Eve). It’s a long boring story (the reason why we ended up going). We didn’t drive and we only stayed for one night, so it wasn’t a long money-spending weekend! We had a blast!!

My BFF, T, actually asked me to be her MOH (Matron of Honor) on NYE. I was so incredibly happy, I nearly cried. Now I’m stressing over the toasting speech. Eck. She’s getting married on July 4th and I’m secretly hoping I’ll be a PG MOH.

I’m so thankful it’s Friday, but man, I don’t feel like working AT ALL.