November 16, 2008

The emptiness in my heart

I started blogging recently to have a place to leave my feelings and thoughts, and, most importantly, to help me through this horrible world of infertility I’m stuck in. But blogging today will be extremely difficult. It’s hard to put into words how I’m feeling today, but I’ll do my absolute best.

In all seriousness, I’m writing this from work (my part time retail job), because when you need to blog and you have no access to the internet, words by pen and paper is the next best thing.

As I finished writing my last sentence a coworker of mine walked up to me and started to tell me a story about a couple who turned over $400K to the authorities after witnessing an attempted drug deal. Turns out the authorities gave the $400K to the couple after never finding the bank/owners of the money. My coworker ended up telling me he’s a firm believer in the following quote:

All that you put into the lives of others will come back into your own.

WOW! Here I am having trouble with blogging my feelings and BAM this quote says it all!

Within the last few months I started to feel like something in my life was missing. Was it my own child? I didn’t think so. Was something missing within my marriage? I didn’t thinks so. Well WTF was it? I had a sense of what it was but I ignored it. How come this would be coming to surface after four long years. How could the absence of one person affect me so greatly after all of this time? After a couple of months of denying this I started to become very angry about it and started to write a letter to this person. It took me about 3 days and numerous drafts to perfect my message. Now the next difficult part for me was sending it. I stared at the “Send” button for over 10 mins. I just couldn’t hit the button. I was afraid of her response. Afraid of rejection. Afraid to hear she had another best friend and our friendship was easily replacable or duplicated.

Finally, I closed my eyes and hit the button. Then I began the grueling wait to receive a response.

After two long days my response arrived. Following only a short telephone conversation (one hour is short for us) my heart instantly felt healed as she cried and expressed how happy she was to reconnect with me. Wow, that’s all – a telephone conversation? Yes, that's all it took for two sisters who were abruptly and mistakenly separated for 4 long years to be reunited and whole

I promise to blog tomorrow about who she is and why she fills such a huge empty space in my heart. And how the above quote applies to all of this.

1 comment:

  1. What an amazing story, I cant wait to hear the rest! Thanks for sharing :)