April 26, 2010


I am an infertile who works for an OB/GYN. My daily tasks and responsibilities rarely trigger my own infertile emotions, until recently. I don't know why or what has changed, but lately I've been thinking about being infertile very often!

I actually do think I know what it is... a baby shower invitation. My friend, T, is having her 4th daughter in June and the shower is planned for mid-May. I won't be attending; however, I have been shopping for baby girl items and it's so fun! I kept finding some really neat items that made me say in my head "I'll definitely have to buy that when I get PG!" or "My daughter will definitely have a pair of those shoes!" Then I ask myself, "when will it be my turn to be PG?" and "will I ever have my own daughter to buy for?". I've resorted to saying aloud "I can't have children." when people ask when we're going to get PG. It's amazing that I'm comfortable with my PCOS and I've allowed myself to accept that at this time, I can't have children, but it hurts extremely to say those words.

At work, as I was screening an OB patient, I asked "When are you due?", her answer was "I don't know. I know it was sometime in March, because I quit taking my birth control and this was the first month we tried!!" WOW. Really? I wanted to scream at her - "Do you realize how blessed you are?", but I refrained.

I've been crying a lot more than normal. I'm not depressed (yet), just wondering if I'll ever get my chance. Notice I say "IF" now, and not "when".


  1. Your feelings are totally natural and justified - honestly I have no idea how you continue to do your job! You are very strong - definitely stronger than I!

    I hope you get your chance real soon!


  2. I have been where you are and I'm so sorry for your pain. You are not alone, and you are in my prayers friend.

  3. I don't know how you do it! You are such a strong person. I probably would have blurted out "do you know how blessed you are!!" only they wouldn't have a clue.

    I hope you have better days ahead of you :)

  4. You will be blessed some day, I have faith that it will happen for you. And you know what? You will have such an incredible appreciation for your gift- I promise you that all this pain and struggle will be worth it. (((hugs)))