February 18, 2010

a turn, a fork in the road, ... more uncertainty

I should be more of a follower. I need to learn how to be a follower rather than a leader. I told dh that he wasn’t allowed to go to school out of state, because of MY (new) job. How dare I? What gives me the power to say that? A month ago I would have said for financial reasons, but really how much money are we really talking here? Not enough to sacrifice his education.

I don’t know what came over me today. I was sitting at work and thought “Are we making the right decision by staying here in Texas?” TCU is a great school, but is it the best? He deserves the best. WE deserve the best. After a few minutes, I tried to brush off the thought and say “Yes, of course. We’re making the right decision and we’re VERY happy with it.” I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Almost like my brain was talking, but my heart was screaming louder.

After a short gmail chat session, dh told me he’s happy going to TCU, but will be happier going to an out of state school. So here we go - back on the roller coaster…

He’ll be sending out more applications by the end of the week!

February 8, 2010

My 1st English Paper

...and I got an A! 95/100 to be exact! I'm really proud of myself, because English is NOT my strong point. I'm taking it online, so I have no excuse to NOT go to class - hah!

So our first paper was to be written about something we strongly believed in. There were many more requirements, but I won't bore you. I titled it "The Gift". It's funny because a few posts ago, my blog was titled "The Gift". It's a little different in my paper - more personal.

I'll let you read it here:

The Gift
Where did you come from? How were you created? If you believe in a higher power, you may mention God in your answer. Or you may say your mother gave birth to you. We rarely think beyond our births, probably due to the horrid idea that our parents participated in that activity called sexual intercourse, but what if we keep thinking? How did your feet land on this earth? What did your mother do prior to the activity that was such an integral part of your creation? She ovulated. For females, second to becoming a mother, I believe ovulation is the greatest gift. Yes – the ability for an ovary to release an egg.

Working in the industry of Obstetrics and Gynecology I see countless young women, often teenagers and barely twenty-somethings with perfectly plump bellies, come into our office to be treated for their unplanned pregnancies. They are all unable to pay for their prenatal care and future deliveries, so most of them are on government assistance. Also, these young women rarely have the fathers by their side. Amongst so much negativity, with the exception of the beautiful life growing inside them, I often wonder if these young women know they have the gift.

Or the women who are trying to conceive with the aid of fertility treatments. Their faces cringe when they learn they will be required to swallow large pills and inject their own abdomens with fertility drugs daily. Then, two weeks after ovulation, tears roll down their faces as a pink negative sign appears on the piece of plastic they just urinated on. But, do they know they have the gift?

I realize there are women who have gone through intense labor pains to deliver their dead infants who unexpectedly passed inside their womb. I acknowledge there are women who have become pregnant, almost as many times as they possess fingers, only to experience a miscarriage a few weeks later. I recognize all of that and pray for those women daily; however, I still wonder; do they realize they have the gift?

Roughly twelve times a year, all fertile females produce the gift, often having no idea at all, going on with normal facets of life. We all exist today, because our mothers had the gift. I do not have the gift. I yearn for the gift, for the chance to someday obtain the ultimate gift of all – to be a mom.

February 7, 2010

The acceptance is in

We’ve been talking about this moment for the past 2 years. We’ve wished and hoped it would come and here it is.

TCU (Texas Christian University) says “Accepted”! This acceptance followed 2 others – University of North Texas and the University of Texas at Arlington, but dh’s heart was set on the purple!

I am so incredibly proud of him. I couldn’t quite express how I felt yesterday, but it’s extreme proud with a lot of admiration mixed in. I’ve returned to college and I’m confident I can achieve my goal this second time around. I’ve witnessed his passion and drive and it’s unlike no other.

Our next hurdle is affording it. We will need to rely heavily on scholarships and financial aid. I’m not stressed out about it (yet). I’m positive whatever it costs will be worth it in the end.

In TTC news, AF arrived 4 days ago. I’m not positive I ovulated last cycle. My guess is no, so I’m grateful my cycle was only 35 days! Dh would like to try Soy Iso (the herbal equivalent of Clomid), so I took my first dose last night before bed. Of course, we’re not being monitored, so I’ll need to be careful and constantly tune into what I’m feeling in fear of developing a cyst.