June 25, 2009

CD21 Bloodwork

I hate my body. Why doesn't it work like it's supposed to?

CD21 b/w revealed a very very low Progesterone level = no O. What else is new? I'm sick and tired of not ovulating. I feel like my body gets soooo ready and then nothing.

Dr wants to double the Clomid dosage to 50 mg. Ummmm, hello, don't you remember I just got rid of a huge cyst that was supposedly caused by the Clomid?!?! I'm speechless. I really don't want to increase my dose. I want answers.

I plan to consult another doctor within the same practice. She's the doctor I wanted to see in the first place - long story. We'll see if they will "allow" me to see her. If not, I may be on the verge of requesting to be referred to an RE.

I just don't know what to do. My Cobra is running out and I don't even want to think about purchasing an individual insurance plan again.

June 18, 2009

Hoping my ovary pulls through

This morning I made the mistake of referring to the last Clomid cycle where I actually O’d. Then I realized I O’d shortly after New Years. Ugh, what a downer. I haven’t O’d since and it’s June now! I wish I could reach my ovary, because I really really want to scream at it! I hope it pulls through this month. I just want a chance to TTC.

I think the low dose of Clomid has decreased the s/e’s a tiny bit. I did have a headache the other day and I was extremely moody (or maybe that was Dh’s fault!) the other day. My O feelings/pains have been on the mild side. Until today when I feel like my ovary is on fire!

At the recommendation of one of my wonderful blog followers, I bought a Saliva Ferning Ovulation Predictor. It was super inexpensive and I can use it over and over! I’ve had fertile ferning patterns for the past two days and I actually made dh bd right when he got home from school yesterday! I made the mistake of Googling “Ovulite” and “PCOS” and just as I predicted - discouraging news. Some women claim it’s not very reliable for women with PCOS due to our increased LH levels. I guess I’ll have to keep using it to see if it actually works for me.

My chart says I O'd today, but I have no high temps.... it's got a mind of it's own.

June 15, 2009

Self Discipline

I have none. Where can I purchase some Self Discipline........ preferably at a discount?

At the beginning of our journey (technically when we started the Clomid), I had tons of self discipline. I would eat healthy, no alcohol, drink tons of water, work out and of course, no smoking cigarettes! I was sooooo dedicated to taking care of my body in hopes of becoming PG. Now is a totally different story. My excuse is this.... Ever since the cyst was found, I have lost most of my hope. I know deep deep down, it will happen some day, but honestly, I’m not committed like I used to be. I’m committed to the goal, but not making the effort to do the best I can. Look at my chart! I’ve gone many many mornings, just totally forgetting to stick the thermometer in my mouth!

This weekend was the worst. I attended a Bachlorette Party – two nights worth! I had predetermined that I would not drink during the weekend. I was mid cycle with Clomid Cycle #4 and wanted to give my body the best chance at O'ing...... Hah! My excuse is this.... I felt obligated. My friends are “serious” drinkers and I didn’t want to hear this all night “A, why aren’t you drinking?” And to share the truth isn’t really what you want to share at a Bachlorette Party. I’m also a really bad “social smoker”. I’ll have a cigerette after a few drinks. My friends are 24/7 smokers. I smoked an entire pack between Friday and Saturday night. What was I thinking? Again, I avoided the questions.

I need a lecture.

I’m hoping to get back on the Committed Bandwagon. I’m sipping my decaf coffee, so that’s a start, right!!??

Here are a few pictures from this weekend..... we really did have tons of fun!

June 9, 2009

Baby Overload

I have been handling the "new" baby news and PG announcements very well lately..... until this week. I had a PG announcement (#5 for my friend, and currently has a 6 month old) one day and then the next, a birth announcement. About 4 weeks ago, one of my friends/colleagues had her very cute baby and I was very very happy for her! Why this week did the envy set in?

I think it's because I can remember the PG announcement for each birth announcement. I can remember the exact place/time when I learned of the news. And then I ask myself, "Gosh, has it really been that long ago?" Yes, it has. Then, I become sad thinking about how many months have gone by for us, how many cycles have failed, and how it has been that long and we're still not PG. It's not a good feeling.

My heart is truly happy for all of these blessings, but my mind takes over and the envy sets in.

CD9 today after taking 25 mg of Clomid CD3-7 and forgetting to take my dose on CD4, oops! I forgot to take my temp this morning too. My head must not be screwed on right.

June 2, 2009

My First Housewarming Gift

We’re all moved in!! It’s been very hectic around here, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The new house is treating us very well! We didn’t realize what hell we lived in our 700 square foot apartment. Now living in nearly 2000 sq ft of space is quite a change! Just to go to the bathroom, I must take many more steps! :)

We had our first “gathering” at the house on Saturday night. My sister and her family came over and dh grilled some steaks! It was soooo nice to finally be able to entertain guests! We had just moved in the day before so my guest bathroom wasn’t fully equipped at all. All I had in there was toilet paper!! I was running around the house last minute trying to find hand soap, hand sanitizer, tissues, and a hand towel! It was quite funny, but it just reminds me of all of the joys of living in a house versus an apartment. I hope we never go back to living in an apartment, ever!

Yesterday morning I awoke to a pleasant surprise. My first housewarming gift knocked on the door in the form of a visit from Aunt Flo. Since I haven’t been ovulating, I’m always pleased to see AF when she arrives on her own. This cycle was 40 days. Not too bad, I can’t complain.

So now what? It’s officially CD2 today. I’m at the point where I’m willing to try anything, but if I’m honest with myself, really, I’m hesitant to go see an RE, try IUI, explore IVF, etc. I feel like we’ve only had ONE chance, so why should be move on? I’ve ovulated once on the Clomid.

So we’re going to cautiously try 25 mg of Clomid. We’re doing things a little different this time around. No sonogram on CD12, which really freaks me out, but I must trust my doctor. He’ll do b/w on CD21. Supposedly, he should be able to tell if I O’d and if I have a cyst by the results of the b/w. Really?? Ok, whatever. I’ll probably ask for a sonogram, if this cycle ends with a BFN and we move on to another Clomid cycle, just to be sure there's no cyst.