January 21, 2011

Willpower. Determination. Strength.

I've never questioned my ability to raise a child; however, when it comes to our particular situation I have most certainly questioned my ability to juggle a full time job, a new baby, my marriage, my company, AND continue to go to school.

My attitude has been "We'll see what happens..." I never intend to QUIT school; however, I have played with a few different ideas of what I may do.

Now, keep in mind, DH will *always* be in school! He's successful. He has drive, and he will graduate with his degree in 2.5 years. That will never change - baby or not!

My schooling has always been put second, and I recongize my ability to attend school as an amazing *oppurntunity*! After baby arrives in May, both DH and I will take both summer semesters off. He will return to school in the Fall, BUT will I return as well? No question, I will do my best to take on at least 2 online classes; however, for my degree plan I must take a science lecture and lab EVERY Spring and Fall semester, which means no online class... rather on campus classes!

Will we be forced to purchased a second vehicle? Can we even afford that? Probably not. That's my first obstacle.

Next is, can I even do it?

I want to EBF (exclusivly breastfeed). This does not mean directly from my breast 100% of the time. This means I want her to have only breastmilk for atleast the first 6-9 months. I know there are SO many factors that go into my ability to do this, so I'll cross those bridges when I get there. But in my mind, if I'm able to EBF long term, I will be required to pump at work - no problem (logistically). I will pump in the car, in public, whereever I need to. I will be completely committed to BF and completely commited to my child.

But will I be completely commited to school? I need to be. Especially for the sake of my new baby and her future! But will my time (what time, right?), energy level, and everything else be perfectly aligned to ensure I'm able to include school into the mix??

I'm not sure.

I have the support of my wonderful husband who is willing to ensure I'm able to attend school, but what if I become completly overwhelmed. What if I feel like I can't do it, like it's too much for me.... when really, is it too much? Or am I allowing it to overwhelm myself?

God delivers the answers...

So I'm walking through the student center at school yesterday and a travel system catches my eye. I think "What is a infant carrier and stroller doing in the student center? This is weird." As I countine to walk, I realize that next to the travel system is a mommy sitting on the couch covered by ironically the same exact Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover I registered for! As I keep walking to my class, it totally dawns on me... she's a mom, with an infant, BF her baby AT SCHOOL! Wow.

I wanted to say something to her. The visual she gave me moved me. I don't know her exact situation. Does she have one car too? Does she have an amazing partner who supports her? I do know one thing. What she exhibited to me was what I WANT to be able to do. She was doing the best for her child by comitting to BF AND she was at school furthering her education. She could have been at home BF in the privacy of her own home. Or she could have chosen to FF (formula feed) by bottle, avoid the awkward looks, and attend school. But she wasn't.

I was amazed, and for the first time, I was given confidence that if she can do it, SO CAN I!

1 comment:

  1. You can surely do anything you put your mind to!