September 24, 2011

Rolling over; not the baby kind

You probably notice it's been awhile since my last blog post. It has taken me a long while to be able to blog about this... Not because I didn't want anyone to know, but because retelling and replaying everything in my mind was further emotionally and mentally damaging.

I love my blog most because I can leave my thoughts, feelings, and emotions here. Unloading in a way. And I can return back to these emotions, if I choose to.

So here it is. If you didn't know anything about this, please understand it was because I couldn't face retelling/reliving it one more time. This is the last time, and I'm finally ready...

The entire family, dogs and all, traveled south to Austin for the Labor Day weekend. As we were returning home to Fort Worth, we did something that we *always* do... stopped at Starbucks in Temple. We never fall asleep on the road, but after a busy non-stop weekend we always appreciate the extra pick me up for the road back home!

Exit# 301. September 5, 2011. Approx. 11:30 am. Starbucks. Having no idea how I would despise these details later.

As we approach the intersection of Adams Ave and the frontage road of IH-35, we stop at a red light. Our light turns green and we go. Starbucks is ahead on the right. {Here the anger emerges.} Except some stupid B**** decides she's not going to pay attention and stay alert for sake of the lives around her. She runs her red light, T bones us, and hits us directly into Aiyana's passenger side door. We roll over and spin 180 degrees.

The details that took place inside the vehicle still haunt me today. The sounds of her truck hitting us, the smell of the hot pavement rubbing against our car, the smell of the airbags, and the sound of my 3 month old's cry as she was very rudely awoken from her sleep. I still cannot replay these most horrifying minutes of my life without crying.

I'm an emotional basketcase. I'm mentally damaged. I'm forever broken.

Yes, we all walked away alive. We had bruising, scrapes, and bumps. Thankfully, my unrestrained dogs only walked away with a bloody toe nail. My only lasting injury was my mind. My blog title couldn't be any further from the truth. I wasn't any centered before. I'm certainly not any closer to center now.

People ask if I went total ape shit on the girl who hit us. John attempted to, but all I could do was hold my baby close and thank the Lord we were all alive and well.

I'm angry at her. As a first time mom to a 3 month old, I was scared to death. I have to live with that experience my entire life now. The fear returns when I get behind the wheel. I flinch at every little move a car makes. I can't but help to think Will that driver next to me not be paying attention and ram us off the road? or Does that driver not see me and going to move over into our lane? I don't trust any driver around me.

Aiyana's Side... car seat was on the other side of this door.
Car rolled over onto this side... drivers side.
And yes, the car is a total loss...

Not exactly how I wanted to have my 15 minutes of fame...


  1. Oh honey. I am soo soo sorry that this happened to you. I praise the Lord that you are alive, and I pray that peace return to your mind. I'm no one to talk, but it sounds like you may have ptsd. It helps to talk about it, but not until you are ready. 8 months after the nicu I'm still not ready, but I have faith that God will heal my mind. Treasure every moment that have with your precious baby girl. *big hugs*

  2. Oh my goodness! You guys had angels around you all that day! I am so very happy you guys are OK! I can't even imagine. As far as that lady...I pray she takes and learns from what she did and never does it again. Next time, all people involved may not be so lucky.

    As a certified car seat technician, we are taught that THE best and safest part of the car for your baby to sit is in the middle if at all possible. It's hard though!

    I am so glad you and that baby and DH are good!! (hugs!!!)

  3. Amanda, I am so glad that you were protected!!!
    I don't even want to imagine what you guys must have gone through. Very scary for sure! How did you get out of the car when it was on its side and how did you get the baby out.
    Thank you for sharing, and again so glad that everyone was okay!