So today's the day. I return back to school for fall semester - first time back as a Mommy, and it's breaking my heart. This morning when I went to kiss her goodbye I bawled. She was asleep in her crib motionless. She looked so peaceful and content. I couldn't help but think about her future at that moment. Would she live in an apartment all her life, with no backyard to play in? Would family vacations entail a weekend trip to a Texas city? What exactly did I want for her? It's killing me to be away from her for 12 hours today, but I continue to ask myself... what.exactly.do.I.want.to.give.her? My company this evening for 3 hours? or a brighter future?
When I get home tonight at about 9:30 pm, she will probably be asleep. Day #1 of my daughter's life that I will miss out on.
I need to focus on the reason why I'm continuing on with my education. I need nail it into my brain like a million sticky notes.
This is my school... my school journey is as difficult as a chess game...
I know there won't be a moment of the day that you are NOT thinking of her...and it'll be hard to focus. But know this, what you do today, the sacrifices you are making, is to better not only your future but hers as well. And ya know, once you get into a routine, everything else will fall into place. Trust me.
ReplyDeleteThen again, I don't want to be apart from Vivian the moment I get home or on the weekends, lol.
Good luck today!