OB appt and my current thoughts

So my last OB appt was yesterday. This was my last chance to show some kind of progress and I got nothing... so... bummed. I'm still 1 cm. So the induction will go on as planned. I'm doubtful she'll come before Thursday at this rate.

I guess a common figure of speech is "thinking straight". I guess it means you're thinking on course or something. I'd rather think "centered" and I rarely do. My thoughts are never centered. I'm always worrying or stressing about something. I dwell on the negative too much. Hence, the title of my blog...

I can't help but to think that my cervix is NOT favorable at this point. I'm going into the hospital on Wednesday night for cervical ripening. I fear pitocin, because of the extreme pain; however, the thing that weighs on my mind most is my cervix. If my cervix is not ready for this process, it will not dilate, will not progress, and I will need to have a c-section. This I fear.

DH and I want to have more kids and having to have a c-section with our first, in my opinion, will ruin all future deliveries. The risk of Vaginal Birth after Cesarean is a serious risk. After this pregnancy, I honestly think I'm better suited/matched with a midwife. A c-section at this birth could ruin any consideration I may have to use a midwife in the future.

I know I'm thinking worse case scenario and I know some people have inductions and do just fine. But my mind is sitting on the opposite side. I can't help it. This pregnancy has gone perfectly and I just knew there would be one thing that would change it all...

So this will be DH and I's last weekend as just the two of us! We're planning a date on Saturday to go see Hangover 2. Maybe I can laugh myself into labor... or break my water.

It's been a little strange at home. We're all ready for her and seem to be just really waiting - the house is spotless... we're sitting on our butts doing nothing... twiddling our thumbs... staring at each other not saying a word. Soon things will be so different and we're so ready!