January 4, 2013

First appointment w/ ultrasound (6w4d)

Appointment w/ ultrasound yesterday. Not good news.

There are two sacs, and they both appear to be empty. One sac measures 7.5 weeks and I should be 6.5 weeks exactly. I'm 100% positive of my dates. At either 6.5 or 7.5 weeks, we should see something in the sac, a baby, a yolk sac, and/or a heartbeat. There was nothing.

Everyone says "I'm holding out hope it's too early to see anything" and "I'm praying you still get some good news". I appreciate the thoughts, the prayers and support.

It sucks to work in Obstetrics. I see and hear of all of the bad stuff - the miscarriages, the stillbirths, the complications, the maternal deaths... all of it. I know there are perfectly healthy pregnancies and deliveries (I had one with Aiyana.).

I always go in expecting the worse. When I told John I was pregnant with Aiyana, I immediately told him not to get too excited. I was expecting the worse. I did the same with this pregnancy. I don't allow myself to get too excited about holding a healthy baby. I just can't. I attribute it to working for an OB, but also all those years I closely monitored my cycles. I witnessed my body gear up for ovulation, then nothing happened. Disappointment over and over and over for 3 long miserable years. When my body didn't ovulate, I wasn't surprised. I became numb to it. Numb. Yes. Kind of like how I'm feeling now.

My OB will check my HCG levels. First draw was this morning. Next draw will be Monday. Tuesday we'll go in for a follow up ultrasound.

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweetie. I am very sorry. Such an amazing, surprise pregnancy and then this. I'm praying for you guys.