This sucks.

There I said it. Yes, I'm complaining.

I've tried so hard to refrain from saying this to myself and most importantly keep it from coming out of my mouth.

I know there are millions of women who continue to deal with the evil of IF; who would give anything to be in my shoes. But this sucks!!

And I'm not puking. Nope. Just nauseous. Go ahead - slap me.

Lately, I've been reminiscing about those lovely days when I worked from home. I had so much flexibility. I could take naps if I wanted. I could sleep in if I wanted. Ugh.

You see, I've been so lucky lately. No puking, no indigestion, no heartburn, no "official" morning sickness. I've been eating whatever I want! If I wanted a fatty meal...I ate it. Ever since the clock ticked "9 weeks", my stomach has been in revolt. INDIGESTION is evil.

I think I've determined that I cannot eat or DRINK what I enjoy any longer. I'm doomed.... and secretly hoping these evil things go away in 3-4 weeks....please. Feeling miserable.

9 weeks

How far along: 9 weeks

Growth: Baby is 1 inch like a green olive – YUMM!

Symptoms: fatigue, boobs are still sore, I’m always hungry, indigestion, my nausea was GONE, but returned today after lunch

Total weight gain: 1.5 lbs

Maternity clothes: I bought some maternity shirts that were $3 - $4 from JcPenneys and Kohls, but not wearing anything yet.

Stretch marks: no new ones yet, but one side of my hips are looking like they are pink?

Sleep: Most nights are ok. But when I can’t sleep it’s bad. I’m usually up for an hour or two.

Best moment this week: I woke up abruptly to not a voice, but a loud vision or thought of…… “BOY!” Was someone trying to tell me something?! This was funny. I’ll never forget it, especially if it’s a boy!

Movement: Obviously, nothing I can feel; however, my pregnancy week by week resources say the baby had begun to move!!

Nickname: Thanks to Daddy the baby is called “Tadpole”. Hopefully this will change, because the vision of a tadpole, when the baby looks more like a baby, now bothers me a little.

Food cravings: Chicken Fried Steak and gravy

What I miss: feeling normal and refreshed

What I am looking forward to: Nov 4th – first official u/s w/ DH at my side!

Milestones: Baby is no longer an embryo. He/She has been promoted to fetus!!

8 Weeks and First Appointment

How far along: 8 weeks

Symptoms: nausea and very sore boobs

Total weight gain: 2.5 (Yes, that's correct. A weight gain of 3.5 in one week. ::slapping myself:: My in-laws love to stuff our mouths! Now more so than ever. So I blame it on them!)

Maternity clothes: None, yet, but my jeans are starting to become uncomfortable. I may go get one of those belly band thingys soon.

Sleep: I've been sleeping much better lately!

Best moment this week: Telling my in-laws!

Food cravings: Foods I wouldn't normally eat. Chicken Friend Steak w/ gravy, biscuits w/ gravy, fried foods, Arbys.

What I miss: Time flying by. I'm so eager to get to Thanksgiving and time seems like it's going by so slow! :)

What I am looking forward to: My next appointment on Nov 4th, which will be our first official u/s!

Milestones: Announcing that we are expecting!

How is daddy? Super excited! I love to see him all giddy!

How are the grandparents? I don't think words can describe how they feel right now! Thankful, excited, happy, relieved, excited, happy, joyous, ecstatic, thankful, ....

FIRST APPOINTMENT

So the first appointment wasn't as exciting as we imagined. All the doctor did was a pap smear, breast and pelvic exam, and got all of my history and junk. He said that he prefers to do complete blood work and ultrasound at 10 weeks. Weird. Even my boss admitted that's weird. Oh well. What can I do?! So our next appointment is November 4th, which will put us at 10w2d.

Lots of Updates and News

THURSDAY

I had my workplace u/s on Thursday. We were able to see the heartbeat again. It was much more clear and faster! The baby and sac had grown. I was relieved to see growth. Since we're just taking a peek and not doing measurements, I was truly relieved to see the change in growth since last week! We didn't get great pictures this week, so I won't share the little blobs we captured! I have my first appointment on Monday and I'm crossing my fingers and toes he does an u/s! If he does, and everything is good, then I will not have one at work.

That night we shared the good news with more close friends, my middle sister (oldest already knew!) and my parents. The responses we received were absolutely unforgettable! Most of our close friends and family know how we've yearned for conceiving, so when they shed tears and said things like "God answered our prayers." and "Because you've waited so long, you both are going to be great parents." it truly touches our hearts.

FRIDAY

I had been waiting for this day for years. Not because it was our 5 year wedding anniversary, but because I had dreamt and imagined what it would be like to tell my mother in law we were PG. I have the best relationship with my mother in law. I love her to death. She's been waiting to hear the news of a grand baby for nearly a decade. Yes, since we've been dating! :D

But, because it was our 5 year wedding anniversary, it made the reveal so much more special. On Friday morning I was having so many emotions. I was excited to tell my in-laws, but nervous, because we had planned exactly how we would surprise her, and what if it didn't go just right? I was also thinking of 5 years ago. What was I doing at that very moment 5 years ago? And feeling the love for the life I was growing inside me and the love I've shared with this man, my husband, my soul mate. It amazes me how the love between us only gets stronger and stronger with every passing year.


The Reveal

So the plan was to display a sign on our guest bedroom door (future nursery). We knew my ILs would go to the guest room first to drop off their bags. So I put my creative graphic designing skills to work and created this lovely sign for the door.


I also didn't want my parents to feel totally left out, so we designed a separate "sign" for both sets of grandparents. For my ILs, we displayed both on the door.


So I'll set the scene... Friday afternoon my ILs arrive in Fort Worth and enter our apartment. As planned, they immediately go straight to our guest bedroom. If you listen carefully on the video below you can hear my MIL saying she needs to take her blood pressure pill... Boy, will she!! She may need TWO! After she discovers the signs and doesn't get a verbal answer from DH or I, I have to point at the digital PG test that says "Pregnant". Then, you'll notice her head hitting the door and the tears start to flow.

7 weeks

I figured 7 weeks was a perfect time to "journal"...

How far along: 7 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I’m down one pound.

First symptom: Mild cramping

Who was the first person, other than DH, that you told: My BFF back in Austin, T. It was her birthday, so I called to wish her happy birthday and give her the news! Last year on my 4 year wedding anniversary she told us she was PG! Her baby is 4 months now.

Will you find out the sex: Yes, definitely! At first I had a Boy “feeling”, but now I catch myself saying “her”.

Sleep: I’ve been going to sleep a little earlier than normal – 9 – 10 pm. Recently, I haven’t been sleeping well. I constantly wake up and go pee, then, can’t go back to sleep.

Best moment this week: Designing the signs we’re going to use for our reveal to the in-laws. More details about those coming soon!

Food cravings: I’m positive this is a craving, because I don’t normally have a sweet tooth.... cake! ...and cookies! ...and ice cream!

Have you bought any baby stuff: Nothing other than the onesie and bib I bought for DH the day we got our BFP!

What I miss: Feeling normal and energized.

What I am looking forward to: u/s on Thursday, telling our immediate families on Thursday and Friday, and spending the weekend with my in-laws before my first appt on Monday!!

Weekly Wisdom: If you’re DH wants to buy baby clothes w/ a specific sports team's logo, make sure he looks at the game schedule before he buys. If I left it up to my DH our LO would have all newborn clothes for the first month of life; however, football doesn't start until 4 months later!! His response... "oh. okay." :) Gotta love him!

The Sickness

OMG. I can feel the vomiting coming on at any minute. I HATE throwing up – HATE IT!! I do remember distinctly though telling DH that “If we were lucky enough to finally get PG, I would be smiling through the vomiting and sickness!” I’m so grateful to be PG, but did I mention, I HATE throwing up!?!?

The nausea is annoying. It comes and goes. I no longer get hungry. I get nauseous. And who wants to eat when they feel like throwing up? I’m doing a few things to prevent/lessen the sickness:

1. Taking 50 mg of B6 in the morning and again at night. (Just started this.)
2. Drinking Ginger Ale
3. Wearing the Prima Bella bracelet.

The Prima Bella bracelet is really neat. You wear it on the underside of your wrist and it emits this little shock/pulse through the median nerve and travels to the emetic center in the brain, which then regulates the nausea signaling process between the brain and stomach restoring normal stomach rhythm and providing relief of nausea and vomiting (from their website). I’m not convinced that the bracelet works, but I definitely think it’s helping ease the nausea.


For now, I wait. I’m crossing my fingers I’m one of the lucky ones that never throws up! :::knocking on wood:::

My first OB appointment has been moved up to Monday, October 18th. I’ll be one day shy of 8 weeks. I’m hoping they do an ultrasound, because DH will be in attendance!

We have a baby and a heartbeat!!

My workplace ultrasound was today and this week, thankfully, we saw a baby and a small flicker of a heartbeat!! I was so relieved after only seeing an empty black sac last week! We also saw the yolk sac and that was so comforting! My body is actually doing what it's supposed to! Who woulda known!?!?


We got 4 u/s pics and I even took a video for DH! It was so surreal. I couldn't believe how emotional DH was over the u/s!!

I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm now anxiously waiting for next Thursday!!

Oh, and again, I'm not getting caught up with the details - measurements and bpm. I know it's better this way! If something is wrong, I can't do anything about it, except add more stress to my all ready full plate! So today I saw my baby for the first time and I'm so thankful! I'm overjoyed!

6 weeks

I made it to 6 weeks!!

The fear of miscarriage is not gone. I don’t think it ever will be, honestly. But I’m doing my best at thinking positive thoughts! Here are a few things that I say to myself on a daily basis:

“Today I am pregnant and I love this baby.” (Inspired by a fellow 1st Trimester bumpie on thebump.com)

“Thank you, Lord, for my baby. I pray it stays healthy and safe.”

There are a few others, but I can’t think of them at this moment.

The sickness is starting to creep in. I became nauseous/car sick on my way home from work yesterday. This wasn’t my first bout of nausea since our BFP; however, it did seem to be the worst so far, maybe even made worse, by some indigestion/heart burn caused by an icing filled cookie I ate. Oops! Then, I was awoken this morning at 4 am feeling like I was going to vomit at any moment. I hopped out of bed, ate 1 rice cake, and drank some Ginger Ale – all items I purchased this weekend at the grocery store (just like me to plan ahead.)! Unfortunately, it took me an hour to go back to sleep, but, thankfully, no vomiting this morning!

Other than that, my boobs are very sore. They do appear to be fuller. The cramping has definitely subsided for the most part. Thankfully, I haven’t experienced any extreme sleepiness this week. My body requires food every 2 – 2.5 hours. That’s gotta be good for something right!?

To answer your BETA questions – I haven’t gotten a BETA. The girls in my office wouldn’t let me. They know me too well. They said I would just stress over the numbers and doubling time and the urine test was sufficient. I would know very soon whether it was singleton, twins, etc….. and they were right, I did. If they saw anything that was suspicious they would think about getting a BETA (to rule out miscarriage), but for now, I’m pregnant and loving it!

Singleton!!

I saw our bean yesterday! The girls scanned me at work and it seems like this will be a Thursday afternoon ritual!

Good news is we saw only one sac!! Bad news is we didn't see a yolk sac. :( After some googling and reading it seems like 5 weeks and 2 days is still too early to see a yolk sac, so I'm a little relieved, but of course, can't help but worry until I see our baby! I'll get another u/s next Thursday and (crossing fingers) we should see more and know more!

My first appointment is 10/22. I'll be 8 weeks and 3 days, so it should be the perfect time for hubby and I to get our first "official" u/s and see the heartbeat!

If I'm fortunate to see the heartbeat before the 15th, we will tell my in-laws while they are in town that weekend.

Symptoms are still the same. Actually, I had no symptoms today, but I've "heard" that's normal too! Some days you feel PG and some days you don't! :)

My appetite has been really weird lately. I'm not hungry in the mornings and last night I didn't even eat dinner AFTER I cooked it!! While I was cooking I was snacking on pita chips and hummus, but still... it was strange. I felt like I ate an entire cow!

Bedtime is about 9 - 9:30 pm!

I made it to 5 weeks and I'm grateful

Nearly 2 years ago we attempted Clomid for the first time and I O'd on my first cycle. I didn't get PG that cycle, but I felt overly grateful to have O'd and I blogged about it. So I wanted to do something similar with this post.

I made it to 5 weeks, and while I realize I'm still extremely early in this pregnancy, and by no means "out of the woods", I'm still extremely grateful to be PG. Infertiles become familiar with every detail of fertility and we recognize how incredibly difficult it is to achieve pregnancy.

1. I'm grateful for having O pains on the day of O. They were different, but because I'm infertile and have been listening to my ovaries for years, I knew these sensations were different. Some women don't "feel" ovulation at all.
2. I'm grateful I had EWCM on the day of O. Some women have to drink massive amounts of water or take vitamins/supplements to have EWCM.
3. I'm grateful I O'd. It was only the second time in 3 years.
4. I'm incredibly grateful that DH's, as he calls them, "boys" were in shape and perfectly capable of fertilization!
4. I'm grateful the lining of my uterus was favorable for the implantation of a fertilized egg. Some women have to take additional hormones to increase the lining of their uterus.
5. I'm grateful my uterus/body has been able to sustain a pregnancy for approx. 2 weeks! Some women who experience recurrent miscarriage are perfectly capable of getting PG, but cannot sustain the pregnancy.
5. And lastly, I'm extremely grateful to have become PG on what I consider my second "chance" or my second cycle. This was only the 2nd cycle that yielded ovulation and I am blessed to have become PG! Some women have perfect 28 day cycles, O on CD14, BD, and do everything they're supposed to do, only to be disappointed by AF every month.

I know there will be more things that I'll be grateful for in the coming weeks, but for now, these are my "gratefuls".

Early Symptoms & Feelings

The evening of our BFP and the day after I experienced mild cramps. Nothing horrible, but noticeable. I was a little relieved to feel the cramps, because I felt like "something" was happening. They weren't painful or extreme, by any means, so I wasn't too worried.

The day after our BFP I did have horrible gas, but haven't had that issue since.

On Friday, I didn't experience any symptoms at all, and I became very worried. I'm trying not to let everything little thing get to me, but it's so difficult. I fear miscarriage so bad. I know that if it happens it's nothing I can prevent.

The last couple of days the sleepiness has hit me in the afternoon. It's typically after I've been up and about doing things. So I've taken a cat nap each day, and that's totally not like me!

During the 2ww I was working out very hard. My weight loss journey was back under way and I was doing great! I haven't worked out since we found out we were PG. We went for a walk today and it felt great! I plan to decrease my intensity, but I'll continue the number of my workouts. I'm undecided on strength training.

How I told DH

It worked out perfectly, because when I tested after work I was home alone and DH was still at school. As soon as I resumed normal breathing, I grabbed my car keys and drove over to campus to buy some gifts! The cashier put the items in a white bag that, thankfully, wasn't transparent one bit! So I threw it in the trunk and went to go pick up DH! It was such a hard car ride home! I wanted to smile so big, but I started to talk about work and didn't stop until we got home!

I opened the trunk, grabbed the bag and DH said "What's that?" I said, "Just some things... and a white bag!" When we made it inside, I opened the bag and handed him the gifts. He slowing unfolded the onesie, looked at me, and said "Are you shittin me?" I couldn't say yes. I started to cry and we hugged each other!

It was so surreal. I told him how scared I was. We've been waiting for this moment for 3 years!

The onesie says "Real Babies Wear Purple.....Texas Christian University" and the bib has TCU emblems all over it!


Here are my pee sticks!! I took two on the night of 16 dpo and 1 more and a digital on the morning of 17 dpo!

16 dpo

So the spotting stopped on 7 dpo. I don't know what all of that spotting was about, but it made me extremely discouraged about this cycle.

I've been testing since 9 dpo and the girls at work knew I O'd so they've been begging for my urine since 6 dpo!! All BFNs, so I'm expecting AF any day.

Today's 16 dpo and yesterday's BFN was stark white, but it was an old IC. Something told me on my way home from work... "I have First Response at home and they are brand new, just take one". If it's BFN on 16 dpo with afternoon urine, then I know for sure either I didn't O or AF is knocking... so I did.


Thank you, Christy, for thinking about me!! I hope you read this soon! :D I know many of you have been thinking and praying, and you have no idea how gracious I am!!

Grateful to be in the 2ww

I asked for a chance and I got it! I O'd and that's all I wanted! I saw lots of EWCM and felt lots and lots of O pains, so we BD'd and the next morning... temp increase!!

I wasn't convinced that I O'd until about 5 dpo when my temp when even higher and this morning it stayed there!!

I'm so grateful!

I've been having some really strange and weird symptoms though. I can't find anyone who has had similar symptoms, so I'm not really sure what's going on and what I can do about it.

First, I've had brown spotting since 1 dpo. I had a little bit of red/pinkish spotting on 2 dpo. I was so scared it was AF. But it went away and the brown spotting resumed and has been lingering ever since.

Then, on 3 dpo I woke up to nausea and vomiting. Strange. I don't know what to think of all of this spotting and the throwing up?!??

:::raising my bottle of water:::
So here's to O'ing for the first (or second) time in 3 years!!

About ready to give up on this cycle

As of this morning I was about ready to give up. It’s CD18 and no sign of O. My temps have been all over the place and that’s so discouraging. I’ve been having the usual dull pains around both ovaries; however, yesterday and today I’ve started to notice some very different feelings. Instead of a constant pain I’m feeling very quick jolts of pain. Not too strong, just noticeable. I’m hoping this is a good sign that follicles are growing and not a cyst!!

I do have lots of EWCM today, so I’m grateful, but I’d really really like to see a temp shift for 2 weeks!!!

DH and I went to TCU’s season opener on Saturday. Football of course! Here’s a picture we took while tailgating!