Desperation to blog... NOW.

OMG! I totally feel like I'm inside someone else's body. Like my brain doesn't belong to me.... I'm actually going to register to take a class (or two).... at a COLLEGE!! What happened to me? Really. Someone should keep an eye on me... this is just NOT me!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-college education. I've just never been a bookworm. I cannot follow a strict class schedule, stay attentive in class, complete homework, study AND make good grades on tests/assignments. I tried it once and well I don't have a college degree hanging in my home office to show for it.

My father did not attend college. He worked his way up the corporate latter from his first job as a 16 year old! My mom is an RN with only an associates. None of my sisters are college graduates, so as you can tell, it's not in our blood. I've always been ambitious. Heck, I started my own business (100% on my own!) 3 years ago. It's graphic design related and my clients FLIP when they learn I am degree-less. :)

I started thinking about taking some college classes when I found the quantity of available personal time increase tremendously. I went from 8 - 9 hr days to 2 - 3 hr days. When I saw DH's eye sparkle due to this interest I figured "Eh. What could it hurt, right?" When he got all giddy, like a kid in the candy store, I was convinced.

So I've applied to the local county college where DH attends. I'll be starting my night job soon, so I'll need to take online courses for now. I ordered a transcript from my previous college and my next math course is Calculus! HAH! I think I'll start with College Algebra! Oh, how I used to be such the math wiz... no more.

The BIG question is - If I continue, what will I study? I could continue my "knowledge" in graphic design; however, I've always always been very medically minded. I think my passion would be in Healthcare and my hobby (or a potential minor) could be in computer aided design, etc.

I'm leaning towards an Associate in Applied Science and becoming certified in Diagnostic Medical Sonography. I'd really love to obtain my bachelor's degree, so I'm open to continuing after the associates.

We'll see what happens...

Visit #2

According to my study paperwork, tomorrow's visit to my RE will be Visit #2.

They will take urine for a PG test (to confirm a BFN) and they will give me 5 tablets (assuming Provera) to take for 5 days. Usually, I would be rx'd 10 tablets (taking 2 each day); however, this time it's only one tablet, so this should be very interesting whether AF shows or not. If AF doesn't show after 10 days, I'll still be able to start the study.

Visit #3 will be on CD3!

In other news, I haven't started my new job yet. I had to do a preemployment drug screen on Monday, so I'm waiting on those results to hear an official start date. Hopefully it's very soon. I'm going nuts with all of the spare time on my hands!

Randomness

Just a few random things...

Subject: TTC
Of course, I have not O'd. I'm not surprised. 10 more days till my next drs appointment. If AF doesn't arrive on her own, they'll probably be rx Provera and then I'll get to start the study! Wahoo! I'm just ready for it to be here already!

Subject: J-O-B
I got (another) J-O-B! Times are tough and I've got to sacrifice some of my spare time, sooooo I've found another job! It will be 40 hours a week; however, I'll have plenty of free time to handle work pertaining to my company! Yes, I know, it's a dream job! :) More to come soon...

Subject: Funeral
I attended a funeral for a friend of mine. It wasn't a very formal funeral. As I sealed his coffin with tape, I didn't allow myself to say a sad goodbye. Actually, I was a little happy inside.

His name was BB Storm. He lived a very short life of ... eh ... 9 months. Yeah, he was not too good to me. His purpose in life was to aid me in communicating. When I was unable to make/answer phone calls, type/send text messages, and well, unable to use it at all, I called his parents and told them I was cancelling the contract, going to AT&T and getting me a brand new ifriend! His parents didn't like that at all, so they sent me a new BB Curve. It's pink and well, I LOVE her... so far!


Subject: Dean's List
DH made the Dean's List at school!! I'm soooooooooooo proud of him!

Subject: Money
Ok, so you know I'm addicted to couponing now? Well, I've gotten deeper and deeper into this addiction!

So I shop at Kroger for groceries. I've always had the Kroger Card. It's free and saves you money on a few things in the store. But a couple of weeks ago I found that I can preload more coupons on my Kroger card! Then when I go to the store, use my Kroger card, I'll automatically get the additional savings at the register. It's amazing! The best part is that if I have a manufacturer coupon for say $.39 off, and I have a preloaded coupon for $.50, not only will Kroger TRIPLE my $.39 coupon, they will also allow me to use my preloaded coupon for .$50 for a total savings of $1.67! So I'm thinking... Whoa! This could be good.

Here are my grocery totals for my last two shopping trips:
Subtotal $143.07
Coupons -$24.02
Kroger Plus Card -$13.08
PAID $105.97 - Saved $37.10 (26%)


Subtotal $138.09
Coupons -$15.85
Kroger Plus Card -$23.35
PAID $98.89 - Saved $39.20 (28%)

Still wishing and hoping

Despite how close we are to starting this clinical trial, I'm still holding onto to hope that just maybe someday I'll O on my own!

I haven't been religiously charting. I've been temping every few days or so. I'm on CD16 with no EWCM or O pains; however, my temps are looking great! I've got a perfect slope downward! Now I'm just wishing and hoping that my temp spikes up! It would be a miracle, really!

Everything's open for business

I got a text message this morning from DH that asked "So everything's open for business?" I laughed out loud!

Yes, that is correct, everything is very OPEN for business!! Now all we need are products for the shelves (eggs)! :)

HSG was a success. My tubes are open and everything looked great! I'm so relieved. I was a little afraid of the pain associated with the procedure, but I was a champ!

It took about 3-4 minutes. My doctor explained every step and, really, I didn't feel much at all! It was like a really really long pap smear!

I'll be able to start the study in about 3 weeks! I'm excited!

Tattle Tell

Didn't your mom tell you not to “tattle tell”? Hehehe… I tattle told today and I feel so guilty!

We live in the back of a neighborhood and my desk in my office faces the window. It always catches my eye to see a car drive by, the mail man arrive at the mailbox, a unleashed dog run by, or someone exercising, because it doesn’t happen much! I always seem to be distracted by my neighbors across the street. Like, for instance, on trash day they both clean out their trash cans with their water hoses. Really? Who does that? Not to mention, who has time to do that? Then they’ll leave it in the driveway to dry..... ::thinking to myself:: "Maybe I should be doing that for the trash men."

Here’s the view from my office window:


We’ve lived here for 3 months and in that time I’ve figured out that in the two story house lives a young woman who gave birth within the first week of us living here. One day I saw her all cute and PG, and then one day with a baby carrier! In the house also lives 3 other small children, but I usually see them with an older woman (maybe the grandma?). I’m not sure if all of the kids are the younger woman’s, but I predict there are a lot of kids in that one house! Then in the one story next to them lives a businessman. He goes to work at about 10 am everyday and wears nice dress shirts and pants. His parents live with him. They’re older. [mail man just got here. Hehe!]

So today I saw the businessman leave for work, like I do everyday. As he pulls out of his driveway and drives in front of my house, I noticed him casually throwing a white plastic grocery bag out of his window. WTF!?!? Who does that anymore!? Ok, I’m not a big gung ho environmental advocate, but geez, that irritates me. You were just at your home where you have a huge trashcan sitting within 10 feet of you!? ...not to mention, a CLEAN trashcan! :)

A few months back I had heard on the radio that you can report people who throw cigerette butts out their car window (a form of littering). I was so intrigued to know that you can actually report someone using their license plate. The state will mail the vehicle owner a TRASH BAG along with a letter reminding them to keep litter of our roads! HAH!! I love it! So today I googled it and found this! I reported him! I felt so guilty afterwards! After I reported him, I went outside to find the bag and it wasn't anywhere to be found. Great, now it's probably in the creek or clogging the sewer drain.

The link is for Texas, but hopefully your state has something similar!

HSG Scheduled!!

AF arrived yesterday! It was super light and I've been experiencing some really weird spotting/light AF patterns, so I waited till today to call my study coordinator to schedule the HSG. This morning she arrived with three pieces of luggage, so I made the call today! :)

HSG is scheduled for next Thursday at 9:15 am! Since we only have one car, I'll have to drop DH off at school and then make my way to Grapevine! I hope I can drive home... I've heard it can be pretty painful. My paperwork says to take 2 ibuprofen 45 minutes before the procedure. I think I'll take 3 just in case!

Also, my bloodwork came back and everything was NORMAL. Not within normal ranges for the study specifically, but *REAL* NORMAL! Can you believe that? I didn't even have a slightly high testosterone level like I've received before which would indicate PCOS. hmmm? She's going to give me copies of the results on Thursday. Then, I can bring them home and over analyze them by googling and reading online for hours! Hehe!

So we're one step closer... wahoo! I'm ready to get on with this! :)

Off subject... I haven't mentioned much about my new coupon lifestyle, but today I stumbled upon this Schwan's offer on Frugal Coupon Living. I wish I had more time to read her site! My free $10 worth of food will arrive on Friday! It was totally free! No delivery charges, nada!

Waiting... still.

I've lost most of my patience. I'm always waiting for SOMETHING!

AF hasn't arrived; however, when I look back at my 150 day nightmare cycle last year, AF arrived 7-8 days after my last Provera pill, so hopefully AF will arrive today or tomorrow.

DH's morphology finally came back and everything was normal! No two-headed, two tailed, jacked-up sperm - yahoo!!

Now all we need to do is my HSG and our infectious diseases testing. If both are good, we wait for AF, again, to start the study!! I'm excited. I want it to start NOW!!

In other news, my husband returned to school today! He's a Sophomore in college! He was super nervous this morning, but I think deep down he was excited and ready to get back into the swing of things! I'm so so proud of him!

The unknown is often never seen

I don’t wish Infertility anyone; however, I’ve often wondered to myself “Does she know how lucky she is? She has stopped BCP x times and has x kids to show for it!? Does she realize for many women it’s not that easy?” OR “She ovulates late, on day 40 or so, but does she realize how lucky she is to OVULATE, period!?” These thoughts go through my mind often, so as the events of Friday afternoon occurred I stepped back and really thought about all of the couples who deal with male factor infertility (MFI).

DH went in for his SA on Friday. I’m already extremely grateful for having this done at no charge (A $75 savings!) due to the research study; however, after receiving the results I realize there is no value that could be placed on the results! All of his results were within normal ranges or above normal ranges with the exception of his “Progressive Motility”. According to the Lab Technician, DH spoke to, advised his results were below average meaning his “Fast Swimmers” aren’t as fast as they’d like. So I’m assuming his means they are all the same speed? :) Ok, his swimmers prefer to be fair!? Fair enough! :)

I’m not positive. I called the nurse to find out exactly what this meant and to see if it would disqualify us from participating in the study. I look forward to hearing back from her tomorrow. On the other hand, his Sperm Concentration, Motility, and Total Sperm in Sample were all above average, so again, according to the lab tech, she felt the lack of Progressive Motility was compensated by these above average numbers. I hope she is right!

Despite the “abnormal” finding, I’m extremely grateful for the results of his SA! According to WebMD, up to half of all cases of infertility involve problems with the man. In fact, about 20 – 30% of the time, a man’s low fertility is the main obstacle to conception. I realize there are treatments for male infertility; however, many of the couples I know who are dealing with MFI are using donor sperm. I can’t imagine how incredibly hard it is to have to learn of the results, deal with the results, and make the decision to use donor sperm, which as I understand it is looking through pages and pages of profiles. I cannot imagine knowing my child isn’t biologically from my husband, rather from a donor. Am I being ignorant? DH and I are not dealing with MFI personally; however, we do realize how grateful we are to receive these results.

Perfectly Abnormal

First and foremost, I'm feeling much much better! :)

The initial study evaluations are completed!! On Monday, I went in to have my blood drawn for Chicago. It was a lot of blood, so thankfully, I didn't pass out! Now, we wait about 6-8 weeks for the results...

Yesterday, we went in to my RE office to be evaluated for their research study. This was my first visit to their office and I was so pleasantly surprised with the office. It was so large and soooo beautiful! I really felt like I was walking into a spa!

We met with the nurse who asked us both many many questions. She then took my blood and said it would take about 2 weeks for the results. Next, DH and I met with the doctor in her office. She asked us a couple of questions. Explained a bit about the study and then explained she would be performing a sonogram to make sure everything inside (my uterus, ovaries, cervix, etc.) looked ok. I told her and the nurse I was a little worried I may have a cyst as a result of my last Clomid cycle and so surprisingly, no cysts were found; however, I did have a large follicle! It seems that was the pain I've been feeling! It was only about 14-15 mm.

After the sono, the doctor said I was "perfectly PCOS"! I was honored, yet, disappointed! I was pleased to finally have a definite diagnosis and essentially an answer!

Overall, the visit went amazingly! All of the staff treated us like we'd been patients for years! I came home with a bag full of PNV samples, images from my sono, and the most important item, a specimen cup!! DH has his SA scheduled for Friday!!




We feel so fortunate to have this opportunity! The value is priceless!

I'll begin 5 days of Provera tonight, so I can have my HSG during CD 6-10. Then hopefully if all of our test results come back acceptable, we'll receive an official acceptance into the study!!

Panic Attack

I think I had a mild panic attack this morning. I've only experienced this feeling one other time in my life. It's an awful feeling.

I've had so much on my plate lately, which has bottled up into extreme stress. I think the bulk of the stress involves my company. We have been extremly slow and at times I worry we won't be able to pay bills. I'm not the kind of person to sit around and wait for business to pick back up again... maybe I should be.

So lately, I've been reaching out to do more freelance work (work I don't usually do, but that I'm capable of handling). I haven't had any real bites (paid projects), so I'm still stressed.

I've decided that I need to add onto my website. The additions will result in better search engine results, which will bring more business my way. The additions are extensive. I've been working on this for atleast 2-3 weeks and I have yet to add anything to the website as I'm still compliling information, content, images, etc.... so I'm stressed.

In addition to the website additions, I've decided I also need to create a blog for my business.. and a facebook account... and a twitter account...and an etsy shop...are you getting my drift? I could go on and on, seriously.

DH got a part time job at the bookstore on campus! I should be relieved, but I'm so overwhelmed with my own stresses. I can't look past them. He'll be working about 30 hours a week, and I'm worried he won't get enough time to focus on his school work. And I'm also stressed, because what if I need to get a job away from home and we only have one car!?!?!? :::stopping my head from spinning:::

Giving half my blood content on Monday & Tuesday!!

My blood work package came from Chicago this week! It was filled with tons of paperwork and hundreds of collection tubes!! Ok, not hundreds, but geez, do I really have to fill all of those up with blood?


I don't think so. The paper work says 90 ml will be taken. That's about 6 tablespoons, I think... ::running off to the online converter:: .... yup, 6 tablespoons! I suppose that doesn't seem that bad. The arrival of these tubes, though, made my eyes water.

So I'll need to fast Sunday night and wake up Monday morning to go get my blood sucked out of me! Then the lab will send all of it off to Chicago where they'll do all of the necessary testing. The Study Coordinator (let's call her L) said that best case scenario, I'd hear something back in 2 weeks; however, realistically, it'll probably be more like 4-6 weeks. Ugh. Oh well, in the meantime, I'll concentrate on the local study...

I go in on Tuesday for my evaluation and blood work for it. I hope I still have blood left on Tuesday for them to take! I don't know when I'll hear something back from this study about my acceptance, but I plan to ask on Tuesday.

And in case you're wondering, I'm leaning towards the Chicago study, but if I'm accepted into the local study I'll probably participate in it while I'm waiting on the acceptance from Chicago.

In other news, I've been having some weird pains near both of my ovaries. I'm thinking it may be a cyst. If they do an ultrasound on Tuesday I may find out. I'm not really charting that much. I temped this morning and it was super low and I'm having EWCM.... hmmmmm? Not getting my hopes up though...

Waiting

I haven't heard back from the study coordinator in Chicago. I hope this isn't a bad sign. On Monday when I followed up with her she said she was still trying to find a lab in my area that would perform (and pay!) for all of the lab work and testing necessary. It's Wednesday and I still haven't heard from her. Eeck. I'm trying to be patient.

I think this all works out though, because my evaluation for the local research study isn't until August 11th. I received the consent form for this study this week in the mail and have been trying to read it a little bit at a time. It's 14 pages!! So far it's been really informative and quite interesting actually.

I'm still wavering back and forth on which study I'd prefer to participate in. If I have the choice, I have a very hard decision to make. Here are a few thoughts that have been running through my head...

"If I choose the Chicago study, I'd potentially be able to lose a lot of weight. This can only benefit me when TTC after the study (which is 6 months). My PCOS symptoms may improve. Heck, maybe ovulation would occur on it's own. I dunno. Either way, I'd be a healthier happier PG women if I could drop another 30 pounds or so..."

"The local research study is quick easy $$$. $500 for 30 days vs. $725 for 180 days. I hate to think of the $$$, but honestly it's a crucial detail."

Two amazing opportunities

DH and I are at a really difficult place right now. Business has come to a crawl for me; therefore, based on previous fall and winter seasons, we will probably struggle for the remainder of the year. We didn’t utilize a student loan this semester, so all of DH’s coursework expenses will come out of our pockets. Meaning we won’t have much “extra” money to spend. Therefore, we decided early this week, we would cancel our RE appointment. My insurance wasn’t going to cover anything at all and my first visit would be $315 (not including the necessary bloodwork and tests required). Not to mention, treatment may cost us anywhere near $2K - $3K or MORE! There’s just no way we’d be able to afford this in 2009.

We knew this may happen. I, personally, have to put DH’s schooling first. In a perfect world, I’d prefer for him to be a college graduate before he becomes a father, but this isn’t a perfect world. We both chose not to go to college when we were supposed to. Now we’re ready to be parents, and now we face infertility issues... It sucks, but we’ll get through it. We always do.

With that said, DH and I were ready to put our dreams on hold until 2010 (unless it happened the old fashioned way for us!). Then I received a phone call from Chicago, and received an invitation to participate in a medical research study! I spoke with one of the Study Coordinators on Wednesday and she asked me a TON of questions! I think I was giving all the right answers because after all of the questions, she said “Well, you definitely pre-qualify to participate in a few of our studies!”

The study she recommends is a total of 6 months. Each month I would travel to Chicago for a 1-2 day visit – all expenses paid!! The drug being tested is called Flutamide. It’s used in Europe to treat PCOS. I did some reading on the drug specifically last night and found many studies that found ovulation to occur after taking this drug for only 2-3 months in annovulatory PCOS patients. The study would also evalute the effect of weight loss along and with the drug; therefore, I would be meeting a dietitian and would be put on a strict food plan. Wow! A drug that could make me ovulate that isn’t Clomid? Plus I would lose weight!? This could be good. ...plus I get the opportunity to visit Chicago once a month!? I’ve never been anywhere near Chicago! I know it sounds gravy, but there are cons... DH and I wouldn’t be able to TTC for 6 months. We would be required to use a double barrier contraceptive (ex: condoms and diaphram, or condoms and spermacide). Ugh. The study would pay $725. I haven’t been totally approved to participate. I need to go have some bloodwork done to ensure all of my hormone levels represent a true diagnosis of PCOS.

Then opportunity #2 lands in my lap... The next day I get a phone call from the RE office. I had not cancelled my appointment, at this point. Perhaps, I was hoping for a miracle and somehow we’d be able to afford to go. I was waiting till the last minute to call and cancel.

The RE office was calling to invite me to participate in one of their research studies!! This was perfect. If my test results do not come back with a true diagnosis of PCOS, I would have something to fall back on! This study was a little different. DH and I would be allowed to TTC! The objective of the study would be pregnancy! The drugs involved in this study would be GnRh or Clomid, and a combination of the two. The “value” of this study was truly unbelievable. Initially, DH and I would be required to have some testing done to ensure we don’t have any infectious diseases. I would also have to have an OB panel done (more bloodwork). None of this would be paid for by my insurance and it’s not covered as part of the study, so these tests would cost us $225. Then DH would be required to have his SA done, which he has not done yet! I would also have a sonogram and HSG performed! The SA and the HSG would be included in the study and wouldn’t cost us a penny!! Wow, what an opportunity! The cons here are: For me, Clomid = cysts... I could already have a cyst from my previous Clomid cycle, which would probably disqualify me, I’m sure... I must wait for 30 days to pass since my last Clomid pill to start with the evaluation process...and well, the $225 we must come up with by August 11th (my evaluation appointment). This study would pay $500. Less than the Chicago study, but it’s only 30 days long (one cycle) and we’d be able to actually TTC! If I do become PG, the study includes two sonograms and prenatal visits at 6 and 8 weeks, before I'm sent back to my OB for prenatal care!

These two oppurntunties are both amazing oppurntunities. Both with many pros and many cons! If I’m chosen to participate in both, I’m so torn on what to do. How will I make the decision to go with one over the other...

Lots of News

My birthday was amazing! My In-laws surprised me with $100! I didn't except anything, because they were spending the entire weekend with us and usually that means they don't let us pay for anything - and, they didn't! :) Do you ever feel like the words "Thank You" are never enough!? I couldn't say it enough! I love them so much! I was such a happy New 27 year old. Here are a few pictures from our dinner!






I have been given two potentially GREAT opportunities! I'll share more with you tomorrow!!