How do I begin to process all of this?

IVF journey begins…. now.

John and I visited the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics yesterday for our consultation with our RE after moving onto IVF. It was a 4 hr+ visit with 7 different practitioners! Labs, ultrasounds, face to face visits, financial counseling, etc. I couldn’t help by laugh when the sonographer asked me if my head was spinning yet! I’ve managed an OB/GYN office and worked in billing/collections/coding for many years. No. Finally, all of my questions and concerns were being answered! I was relaxed and thankful.

Then, there was my ultrasound... So, a normal piece of our workup for IVF is a transvaginal ultrasound to inspect the anatomy of the organs involved in an IVF cycle and to ensure everything looked “good” in order to proceed. Well…. the ultrasound technician excitedly said, “Everything looks perfect!” I laughed and replied in my head, ‘Yeah….and yet I can’t ever carry a healthy pregnancy’ Like, seriously, if everything looks “perfect”, what is our freakin’ problem!!??

Here’s what she observed in all of its perfected glory:

-- Ovaries measured normal. Right ovary embraced 2 postovulatory “cysts”. Left ovary harbored 1 postovulatory “cyst”. (Normal findings after ovulation, except…. this meant I released three eggs on my current cycle.) I asked her how she could determine the difference between these structures and regular follicles (because to me, they appeared like large follicles). She explained the physiology. She pointed out blood within each of these structures, and I was truly intrigued. She was pretty confident I released 3 eggs this cycle. I am 5dpo… maybe she’s onto something.

Whoa…..

We were NOT on IF treatments this cycle. This was a natural cycle. I had SHINGLES during this cycle, and I didn't O until CD70! WTH.

-- Uterine lining needs to be 6mm or more to invite an embryo during IVF. My lining was 13mm. Whoa, again...

-- I have 27+ antral follicles. This is a great high # for IVF!

-- Uterine shape was “perfect”. [stop saying Perfect, please]

She was planning to do a mock IVF during my encounter, and I deferred. [I thought] There’s no way you’re inserting a catheter into my uterus (just to ensure a real embryo transfer is possible), if there’s a possibility of fertilization of THREE eggs. You crazy, lady!

So, here we are…. 

My RE has predicted before I’ve released 2 eggs before. I may be an egg machine in some sense. But, it seems it’s for no good reason. If we conceive, I have a history of recurrent m/c (miscarriages - one twin m/c and one singleton). So, I’m not hopeful, what-so-ever. Sucks to be negative, but these were the cards I was dealt. Cards full of heartache and negativity, thanks to Infertility w/ PCOS. 

So, what now?

I'm holding onto Hope that IVF will finally work for us. Now, we wait for AF to arrive, and when it does [yes, it will] I'll start BCP to begin our first IVF cycle.