My new drug of choice

I watch Dr. Phil. Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit it. But some of his shows are so juicy and entertaining!! I’m even more embarrassed to say that I actually DVR it and watch it at a later time. :) I usually only watch the good drama filled shows and delete some of his other boring general information filled shows. A few weeks ago, I decided to actually watch one of these pre-determined boring episodes. I thought MAYBE I could benefit from it. The show was all about money saving tips!!

There were two intriguing elements he shared on this show. The first was The Frugal Coupon Mom. She shared so many money savings tips and I’ve been reading her site almost everyday! He also had the Economides family (America’s Cheapest Family) on this show. Yes, their name resembles the word “economy”! Although, I don’t think I would ever be able to live as frugal as this family; however, they were super inspiring and I would love to read their book!

As a result of this episode, I have a new addiction – coupons. What has gotten into me? I’m not complaining, because I am actually saving money, but I’ve taken it a few steps further. I MUST have a coupon before I buy anything now!! True Story – On Friday, I needed to go buy some office supplies. My shopping list included my new coupon organizer! I was planning on going to Office Depot, but ended up going to a Staples. Before I left the house, I googled “Staples Printable Coupon”. I didn’t find anything useful, but I did find an Office Max printable coupon. I asked myself, “Hmmmmm, I wonder if they’ll take a competitors coupon?” So I printed it and off I went! Did they accept the coupon – yup!! I SAVED $10 on my $20 purchase! Yahoooo!!!

Then on Saturday I wanted to go to JcPenney to buy a new handbag. Yes, this was a want, but really it was turning into a need. I typically buy a purse every six months, when the seasons change from warm and cold (Light colored vs. Dark colored). The main reason I wanted a new purse is because I wanted a bigger purse so that I could fit my new coupon holder in it!!!! I must have my coupons with me at all times!!! :) I ended up finding a 15% coupon online and saved $4 on a $25 purse!

If my coupon clipping turns into a habit, I’ll continue to share some of my finds with you!

Here are the ones I used this weekend: Buy One, Get One Free Coke Product, JCPenney, and OfficeMax (Used at Staples!).

Children are aware of life altering changes

I totally believe in “Kids say the darndest things”. I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing some hilarious quotes from the little ones in my life. I’ve never heard one as eye opening as the one I heard this weekend from my pre-adolescent nephew who is at an age of 11 years. I’ll try to capture the conversation as best as I can via typed words:

NEPHEW: Are you going to college so you can work at NASA?
(Background: My nephew just visited NASA last weekend and DH is majoring in Physics/Astronomy.)
DH: Yes, either at NASA or JPL (sp?).
NEPHEW: When will you graduate?
DH: Many, many years from now.
NEPHEW: Will I graduate college before you?
DH: I’ll graduate 3 times.
(Background: DH would like to get his PhD.)
NEPHEW: 3 times!? Well what if you have a kid before then? Are you still going to go to college?
DH: Yes, I’ll still go to school.
NEPHEW: Well, are you going to leave them at home with A or what?
DH: Yes, probably.
NEPHEW: Well, when is she gonna have time to work?

At this point, my eyes are wide open, I’m staring at my husband and laughing hysterically.

This question is my number one stressor right now. Remember my “How will we do it?” post? It’s pretty bad that my nephew at the age of 11 can see this as a problem, but it made me laugh at the same time. Here's a picture of my very smart nephew and I.

Home Remedy

I came across a home remedy from the Dominican Republic to rid cysts. I couldn’t find a lot of info on it in English, but I did find quite a few personal accounts that this concoction works.

Here is an article that I found intriguing: http://fugh-berman.com/files/Beetsjethnophar.pdf

The home remedy consists of Beet Juice, Molasses, and a plugging of the nose. First I grate the beets (like cheese). Then I heat up 1 cup of water and steep 2 tablespoons of grated beets into

the water (like tea). Then I add 1 tablespoon of molasses and stir. I plug my nose and down it. It’s not a horrible taste, but it’s not desirable. In a way it reminds me of yams, which I love, so it’s a little strange.

I figure beets can’t hurt. They are rich in fiber and vitamins A, B1, B2, B6 and C. The molasses, on the other hand, is filled with sugar, 13 grams per tablespoon. I’m not really a sugar person. I typically stick to Splenda and other sugar free items.

It’s recommended to drink this tea of sorts, 3 times a day. I have been lucky to drink it twice a day. It’s also recommended to take it for 40 days. I will only be able to drink it for 3 weeks before my next ultrasound. If the cyst isn’t gone, I’ll continue to drink it.

I talked to the doctor about the Metformin and he suggested we wait to see what the cyst is doing and then we’ll consider the Metformin.

Living with a cyst

It really sucks knowing there’s a big fluid filled sac in my abdomen. Having no idea if it’s getting larger or smaller sucks even more. Dh usually cuddles with me at night and he’s been hesitant to do so, because of the cyst. He usually puts a lot of pressure on my stomach area and I have to adjust. He must have a heavy arm! I’ve purchased two pairs of stretchy pants, because I’m a little afraid to wear my jeans that aren’t exactly loose. I’m trying not to let it run my life, but it’s really starting to be an inconvenience.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I had not briefed myself about what having a cyst means, so I had no idea what to ask the doctor on Monday. I’ve learned that a lot of women who get cysts are put on BCP to aid in its departure.

When I met with the doctor on Monday he wasn’t hesitant to agree with the Nurse Practioners’ suspicion that I may have PCOS. His response of “Yup, you probably have it.” after discussing the cyst convinced me that I do indeed have it and I need to face it. So, I’ve been reading up on PCOS too. It seems most PCOS’ers are prescribed a drug called Metformin to balance their hormones. On the right dosage, most women commence normal menstrual cycles in as little as 2 – 3 months. Why was I not given this option? Why was Clomid pushed into my mouth so soon?

This has been eating me up for a few days, so I’ll probably bring this concern to my doctor and see what they say. I’d love to start Metformin now if it would assist with getting rid of the cyst. I’m hesitant to return back to taking Clomid. I now know Clomid causes cysts for me, so why would I even try a lower dose – it scares me.

My Right Ovary’s New Friend

....a 7 cm cyst. Yup, they are connected and it sucks. Maybe that’s what I deserve for not being monitored last cycle.

I have a very large cyst. The sonographer and the doctor were very alarmed. They both acknowledge that it is large. It has grown very fast in a short amount of time. It sucks. I feel like someone died. But who? Maybe my hope.

So many things happened this weekend – bad things – and now this. I’m overwhelmed and emotional. I must regroup and be positive but it’s extremely hard. I broke down today and finally heard God yelling at me. Most who know me, know listening to God is a very hard thing. I’m not religious. I’m spiritual. I believe in Him, but I don’t side with a certain religion. I don’t pray often. I don’t acknowledge him much, like I probably should, but I do believe in Him and I believe he understands all of this.

I do know one thing – the prayer of my family is extremely powerful. They have prayed for us for YEARS, for many reasons, and I believe their prayer has brought us so many great things. So today after a very bad weekend and the news of a huge cyst, I finally shared our story with my mother in law. It was a HUGE step. It was like God was telling me “Wake up, A! You can’t do this on your own! I’ve been trying to tell you this for so long!!”

TTC Update

I suppose it’s time for an update, as I haven’t blogged about it much since we started a new cycle. Honestly, I think this speaks volumes. I’ve been pretty relaxed about this cycle and haven’t gotten sucked into to checking all orifices for “signs”. I haven’t even started to OPK, and I’m not even sure I will this cycle. Hopefully being relaxed and maybe a bit lazy will bring us our BFP this cycle. It's CD11 today and I have my follicle check scheduled for Monday.

I’ll be away from DH this weekend, unfortunately. I’ll be traveling to Austin (yes, I said I would never go back) to go wedding dress shopping with my best friend. This will be the first time I’ve seen her girls in 3 very long years and I’m sooooooooo excited. Taylor (the oldest) is the only one who has a good memory of us and she’s been wanting to see us since my best friend and I reconnected. Taylor and I are going to go grab dinner together tonight while her Mom and sisters are at a Girl Scout event. I’m so giddy! Dh will have to wait to see them until our next visit....

The verdict is in

Dh and I had a nice thorough conversation about our decision to vacation (or should I say spend a large amount of money) Friday night and I’d like to believe we made the perfect compromise - Madison, Wisconsin.

What is in Madison, WI, you ask? The University of Wisconsin!

I firmly believe a vacation would be good for us, but to spend $1500 (or more) is not easy for me to fathom at this time. We agreed that if we were going to spend this kind of money to travel, we need to go use it wisely and visit an area where he might transfer.

DH will be transferring to a four-year college next year and he has researched many possibilities. His choice could take us (and our family) to Indiana, Arizona or even California (this one doesn’t have my vote) for an indefinite amount of time.

The University of Wisconsin is at the top of list. My dh would give anything to go to UW. With a tattoo of Bucky the Wisconsin Badger on his calf, he’s probably one of their biggest fans.

Not only will we tour and spend time on campus, we will treat this trip as a vacation. We already have a very long list of things to do and see while we are there, to include, visiting a casino (a first for us), going to a wine vineyard (another first), spending time at Lake Monona and Lake Mendota and sooo much more.

We’re planning to go for our four-year anniversary, which would be October 15th. Our plan B would be mid-November. We plan to watch flights and find a good deal for one of these weekends.

Go On Vacation = Spend Large Amount of Money

When I think of spending large amounts of money, I meticulously evaluate the whole situation as it relates to the way I live my life. I will analyze every detail in order to convince myself spending the large amount of money is a necessity, not a convenience or a want.

Vacation is not a necessity. It’s a convenience, in my opinion. Some people may think it’s a necessity for their sanity, but honestly, they are probably the ones who are able to have an extra $5K or more sitting in their savings at all times dedicated to “Traveling”. Should I live that way one day, an annual vacation with my husband and/or family will be a necessity, for my sanity’s sake and for my families’ broadening of the world’s beauty.

Right now in our lives, J is finishing up his first year of college and already needs a vacation! We haven’t taken a true vacation in nearly 4 years, which was our honeymoon to the Canadian Rocky Mountains in Alberta. It was the most magical 10 days ever! We had planned to return on our 5 year anniversary. Well, the travel bug has nipped my husband in the rear, and he wants to go back THIS year!

I would love to go back to Canada, really, I would! But how can I justify spending $1500 (that’s the limit I’ve given this trip) this year? $1500 may not sound like a lot to many of you in terms of vacations, but to me that’s $1500 that could be going towards our debt, a down payment on a second vehicle (someday, not anytime too soon), a baby’s nursery, not to mention to go towards medical bills we’ve accrued while trying to conceive and/or medical bills for a future child birth! What is he thinking?!

And then, I gave in. Maybe a vacation would be good for me. I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress lately, or maybe that’s the evil A on my left shoulder telling me these lies. Maybe I’m making it up in my head. I really don’t know.

J and I have a date tonight at our favorite restaurant and we’re going talk about it in depth.........

p.s. going on a vacation also means I’ll have to buy a camera (in order to take beautiful pictures like you'll see below), which means......... more money.

Why am I like this? Is something wrong with me?

I’ve had some life changing experiences in my life that have forced me to step back and take a good like at myself as a person. I’d like to say that I have changed for the better; however, there is one aspect of my being that hasn’t changed one bit. I’d like to think it’s not a horrible attribute but it does make me whine like a baby sometimes, inching me closer to full-blown tears.

I’m a people pleaser. I have always loved to surprise people, help people, and watch their reactions of happiness and appreciation. If I can make someone else’s life easier, I do whatever I can to do so - from a small business recommendation to offering someone a job to work for me. In every aspect of my life I people please. I give 200% to give everyone the best. Doesn’t seem so horrible, huh?

Well it doesn’t feel so great when I don’t get the same in return. I know I shouldn’t expect it, but at times, I do. Here I am trying to make the best out of a situation and in return I get walked all over, excluded, ....... I get nothing. It stings. Why am I like this?

TTC news - CD 1 today! Wahoo!! AF arrived bright and early this morning! Finally on with a new cycle! :)

How will we ever do it?

Do you know how hard it is to be married to a full time student? If so, can you please provide me with some words of wisdom? I’ve been totally wiggin out lately. Ok, you’re right....... STRESSING out!

My husband, J, goes to school Monday through Friday and gets home about 1 pm, except for Mondays when he gets home at about 4 pm. Lately, I’ve been working 4 – 6 hour days and in the summer it will be closer to 8 – 10 hour days. My husband does not work, so when he gets home he typically gets to work doing schoolwork and/or studying. He’ll usually do this until dinnertime. Then we’ll catch up on DVR and go to bed at a decent time. Sounds great, right!?

How in the world will we ever be able to take care of a child with our daily schedules? Will we need to hire someone to take care of the baby during the day while we’re at school/working? How in the world will we be able to afford that with only one income – one fluctuating income, at that. Is it possible for me to work during naptime or while the baby is playing alone (next to me, of course, which hinders me to talking to customers on the phone)? Yes, that may be possible, but what if I’ve been up all night with a hungry baby and would like to take a nap myself? I won’t produce quality work being sleep deprived. And on top of all of that, will we be able to do everything with only one car? (Yes, we only have one vehicle. One Income = One Vehicle)

I've trained my sister to work for me, but she’s also a stay at home wife (for the most part) and (I think) she’d be willing to assist me with childcare. She used to run an in home daycare. So I do have some options if I utilize her BUT I’ll also have those options for a short period of time. See, my husband will transfer to a four-year university next year. We hope to have an idea of where he’s been accepted and where we plan to move next Summer before Fall semester starts. 9 out of 10 of his choices are out of state. If we were to become PG this next cycle, I’d be due right before Christmas. That only allows me 6 – 9 months to utilize my sister during the day.

Everyone always says – “You’ll make it work. Everything will fall into place.” But, the unknown is so scary. I try to talk to J about it, but he’s really stressing about school right now, so he usually doesn’t give it much attention and continues to talk about school.

Your probably asking “Why don’t you put TTC off until your husband is done with school?” HAH! He wants to get is PhD, so our life will comprise of college coursework for many years to come! We’re 26/27 years old. We’ve waited long enough and we’re ready now! We know it will be hard, but we’ve accepted the reality. I’m still entitled to vent and freak out every once in awhile, right!?

Provera #2 & My New Goal

I'm on CD26 today and still no O. I've waited long enough, so I've started Provera to induce AF and start a new cycle. This will be my 2nd time taking Provera. It worked like a charm the first time, so I'm pretty positive about this second round. Hopefully, AF will arrive sooner than later.

And I've set a new goal for myself. I want to lose my current belly so that I can grow a new one! I've lost about 25 pounds since weighing my heaviest. People notice (including my Dad this weekend, which was super sweet) but I still have more to go! I want to get PG and be able to grow a little baby belly, like most women who are not overweight who are "all belly". If I were to get PG soon, I'd probably look like I was just getting fatter! If I took a picture of my belly now it would probably look like I was 10 weeks or so - seriously!

I look at it this way: I have probably a week and a half before AF arrives. Then next cycle is another 4 weeks, so in total I have 5 and half weeks to workout and lose as much weight as I can! And if our next cycle is a BFN, that's ok, because I'll have a little more time to achieve my goal!

DH is at his heaviest right now, so we're both going to start following Weight Watchers and counting points. This is going to be fun!

I will NOT return to Austin, TX, ever!

Why is it that every time I go back home, I lose something very expensive? Last time when we visited was back in early December, I lost my cell phone. This weekend I lost my $400+ camera! Yup, someone has a very nice camera right now, WITH fully charged rechargeable batteries in it, WITH tons of really pretty pictures! UGH! Why me??

I was totally bummed, but it's my own damn fault. It was too big for my purse, so I carried it around in my hand, which totally sucked. It was cold, so occasionally, I wanted to put my hands in my pockets. I put it down on a window ledge and left it there.

I love my camera. We bought it before we got married in 2005. It took awesome pictures, but I do have to say, my number one complaint was the size of it. Now days they have these really great cameras about the size of a Jello box.

I'm ok with parting ways with my "big" bulky camera, because now I have an excuse to buy one that is smaller, but it still sucks. I'll probably put off buying a new one until we get PG. I can borrow my sister's if we need one for any reason.

Do they have digital cameras that is a video camera too? That would be totally cool!

And of course, on the TTC-front, no new news. I'm on CD24 and temps are still low. I've given up on OPKs, checking my CM and CP, so I called my doc today to request a prescription for Provera, but they are closed today, bummer. I'll call tomorrow, I suppose.

I'm back in the gym!

My business is pretty seasonal and in the late fall/early winter months we're pretty slow. J and I have to cut back drastically and that means our gym membership got cancelled. I was bummed when recently; I've actually wanted to go back to the gym! Since business has picked up, we signed back up and made our first visit back today! Wahoo!

I love the feeling I get after a workout. I feel like I've accomplished something big, even though it was probably only about an hour of exercise!!

I plan to go to the gym 4 to 5 days a week. Hopefully, now I’ll be able to lose more weight. I’ve been stuck around 178 to 181 or so. Ugh, I’m trying to get to 175 sooo bad. Then my next goal…… 165 pounds, my wedding day weight!

My body has been a total roller coaster lately. My O pains dissipated completely but returned this afternoon (after my workout) with a vengeance (maybe my ovaries liked my workout?!?!?).

My OPK this afternoon was darker than it’s been, so I’m crossing my fingers this is a sign of O.

J and I are traveling to Austin for V-day. I’m SUPER excited!!! We have reservations at my favorite Sushi restaurant. YUMM. I’ll also be able to see some friends and family while we’re in town.

25 Random Things

I did this on facebook last week and I really really enjoyed reading everyone else's 25 things, so I'm going to post mine here. I hope you enjoy them! The purple comments were inserted especially and exclusively for my blog readers!

1. I almost never participate in things like this.
2. My fingernails are the longest they’ve ever been. (Good Ole’ PNVs!)
3. I once weighed over 200 pounds.
4. At the young age of 24, I started my own company.
5. My oldest sister is my role model. She has a successful marriage and two “perfect” children!
6. I have dreams about being in Dragonettes once every 3 – 6 months. (High School Drill Team)
7. I’m secretly hoping J transfers to a University out of state!
8. I have moved once every 12 – 18 months for the past 8 years.
9. J bought my engagement ring the same day my day had his stroke.
10. I’m obsessed with John & Kate Plus 8 and The Duggars – the good and the bad.
11. I love every single animal in the world, except for a cat named Samson that lives in my house.
12. Sometimes if my customers are annoying and high maintenance, I’ll ignore them until I’m ready to deal with them.
13. I love Punk Rock music, most of it.
14. My parents only wanted 3 children. I wouldn’t be here today if my mom’s 3rd pregnancy wasn’t a miscarriage.
15. I could totally go back to school to get my degree, but I totally hate going to class, doing homework and studying. I’d rather be doing something else.
16. J and I originally planned to marry on October 16, 2004, but pushed the wedding back a year, because we both agreed we weren’t ready to get married.
17. I’m keeping a small bit of information from mostly everyone I know and I blog about it all of the time. (You all know what it is!)
18. I eat some really weird foods, like brussel sprouts, liver and onions, gizzards, tripas, and menudo.
19. I want to sell my business some day for $20K…. or more would be fine too!
20. I don’t do laundry. I have a wonderful husband who takes care of it.
21. We spent more than $7K eating out last year. Happy hour is so tempting after a long hard day.
22. When I was 18, I flew to Florida to go meet a guy I met online. (Of course, my parents didn’t know.) He’s now my best friend.
23. My oldest sister is 12 years older than me and I am 12 years older than her daughter.
24. The first time J got into bed with me, he kept his clothes on.
25. I used to be extremely shy and quiet, but now I’m really loud and obnoxious!

Still waiting to O

I know this feeling all too well. It's comforting though to have a previous cycle to refer back to. I had O pains for 5 days prior to O last cycle. With this cycle today is day 5 of O pains, so I'm hoping I O very soon! My cervix is soft and high today, but pretty much closed, in my opinion.

OPK practice has been just that - practice. I'm trying to test at the same times everyday, but I'm also trying to test at different times to see what works for me. I think I've found that 4:30 pm is a good time for me. I got my darkest OPKs on CD12 at 4:30 pm and today at the same time. Since then they've lightened up, but I think they're getting a little darker.

My ovaries have been burning lately. About 75% of the time it's my left Ovary, the Ovary that released my last cycle's egg. This cycle I was hoping my right Ovary would pull it's weight and help out.

I wasn't monitored this cycle, because I got my first medical bill - $285!! And that was only for one of my visits! My doctor's office is going to refile the claim with a different diagnosis and see if the insurance will pay it. The dummies put "Female Infertility" on the claim, so of course, my crappy insurance denied it! If they do pay it, I'll resume monitoring with our next cycle, if necessary (positive thoughts).