CD21 Bloodwork

I hate my body. Why doesn't it work like it's supposed to?

CD21 b/w revealed a very very low Progesterone level = no O. What else is new? I'm sick and tired of not ovulating. I feel like my body gets soooo ready and then nothing.

Dr wants to double the Clomid dosage to 50 mg. Ummmm, hello, don't you remember I just got rid of a huge cyst that was supposedly caused by the Clomid?!?! I'm speechless. I really don't want to increase my dose. I want answers.

I plan to consult another doctor within the same practice. She's the doctor I wanted to see in the first place - long story. We'll see if they will "allow" me to see her. If not, I may be on the verge of requesting to be referred to an RE.

I just don't know what to do. My Cobra is running out and I don't even want to think about purchasing an individual insurance plan again.

Hoping my ovary pulls through

This morning I made the mistake of referring to the last Clomid cycle where I actually O’d. Then I realized I O’d shortly after New Years. Ugh, what a downer. I haven’t O’d since and it’s June now! I wish I could reach my ovary, because I really really want to scream at it! I hope it pulls through this month. I just want a chance to TTC.

I think the low dose of Clomid has decreased the s/e’s a tiny bit. I did have a headache the other day and I was extremely moody (or maybe that was Dh’s fault!) the other day. My O feelings/pains have been on the mild side. Until today when I feel like my ovary is on fire!

At the recommendation of one of my wonderful blog followers, I bought a Saliva Ferning Ovulation Predictor. It was super inexpensive and I can use it over and over! I’ve had fertile ferning patterns for the past two days and I actually made dh bd right when he got home from school yesterday! I made the mistake of Googling “Ovulite” and “PCOS” and just as I predicted - discouraging news. Some women claim it’s not very reliable for women with PCOS due to our increased LH levels. I guess I’ll have to keep using it to see if it actually works for me.

My chart says I O'd today, but I have no high temps.... it's got a mind of it's own.

Self Discipline

I have none. Where can I purchase some Self Discipline........ preferably at a discount?

At the beginning of our journey (technically when we started the Clomid), I had tons of self discipline. I would eat healthy, no alcohol, drink tons of water, work out and of course, no smoking cigarettes! I was sooooo dedicated to taking care of my body in hopes of becoming PG. Now is a totally different story. My excuse is this.... Ever since the cyst was found, I have lost most of my hope. I know deep deep down, it will happen some day, but honestly, I’m not committed like I used to be. I’m committed to the goal, but not making the effort to do the best I can. Look at my chart! I’ve gone many many mornings, just totally forgetting to stick the thermometer in my mouth!

This weekend was the worst. I attended a Bachlorette Party – two nights worth! I had predetermined that I would not drink during the weekend. I was mid cycle with Clomid Cycle #4 and wanted to give my body the best chance at O'ing...... Hah! My excuse is this.... I felt obligated. My friends are “serious” drinkers and I didn’t want to hear this all night “A, why aren’t you drinking?” And to share the truth isn’t really what you want to share at a Bachlorette Party. I’m also a really bad “social smoker”. I’ll have a cigerette after a few drinks. My friends are 24/7 smokers. I smoked an entire pack between Friday and Saturday night. What was I thinking? Again, I avoided the questions.

I need a lecture.

I’m hoping to get back on the Committed Bandwagon. I’m sipping my decaf coffee, so that’s a start, right!!??

Here are a few pictures from this weekend..... we really did have tons of fun!

Baby Overload

I have been handling the "new" baby news and PG announcements very well lately..... until this week. I had a PG announcement (#5 for my friend, and currently has a 6 month old) one day and then the next, a birth announcement. About 4 weeks ago, one of my friends/colleagues had her very cute baby and I was very very happy for her! Why this week did the envy set in?

I think it's because I can remember the PG announcement for each birth announcement. I can remember the exact place/time when I learned of the news. And then I ask myself, "Gosh, has it really been that long ago?" Yes, it has. Then, I become sad thinking about how many months have gone by for us, how many cycles have failed, and how it has been that long and we're still not PG. It's not a good feeling.

My heart is truly happy for all of these blessings, but my mind takes over and the envy sets in.

CD9 today after taking 25 mg of Clomid CD3-7 and forgetting to take my dose on CD4, oops! I forgot to take my temp this morning too. My head must not be screwed on right.

My First Housewarming Gift

We’re all moved in!! It’s been very hectic around here, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The new house is treating us very well! We didn’t realize what hell we lived in our 700 square foot apartment. Now living in nearly 2000 sq ft of space is quite a change! Just to go to the bathroom, I must take many more steps! :)

We had our first “gathering” at the house on Saturday night. My sister and her family came over and dh grilled some steaks! It was soooo nice to finally be able to entertain guests! We had just moved in the day before so my guest bathroom wasn’t fully equipped at all. All I had in there was toilet paper!! I was running around the house last minute trying to find hand soap, hand sanitizer, tissues, and a hand towel! It was quite funny, but it just reminds me of all of the joys of living in a house versus an apartment. I hope we never go back to living in an apartment, ever!

Yesterday morning I awoke to a pleasant surprise. My first housewarming gift knocked on the door in the form of a visit from Aunt Flo. Since I haven’t been ovulating, I’m always pleased to see AF when she arrives on her own. This cycle was 40 days. Not too bad, I can’t complain.

So now what? It’s officially CD2 today. I’m at the point where I’m willing to try anything, but if I’m honest with myself, really, I’m hesitant to go see an RE, try IUI, explore IVF, etc. I feel like we’ve only had ONE chance, so why should be move on? I’ve ovulated once on the Clomid.

So we’re going to cautiously try 25 mg of Clomid. We’re doing things a little different this time around. No sonogram on CD12, which really freaks me out, but I must trust my doctor. He’ll do b/w on CD21. Supposedly, he should be able to tell if I O’d and if I have a cyst by the results of the b/w. Really?? Ok, whatever. I’ll probably ask for a sonogram, if this cycle ends with a BFN and we move on to another Clomid cycle, just to be sure there's no cyst.

I'm still alive, I promise!!

I haven't blogged in a little over two weeks, but believe me, I've wanted/needed to so bad; however, I haven't had one available minute to actually do it!

To get you caught up, here's a little of what's been going on:
My laptop crashed on May 10th. No laptop = No job = No money = Doomed. Dh had his finals the following Monday - Thursday, so luckily he only needed his laptop a few times during the week and the other times he left it with me. I was dreading the thought that I may have to unexpectedly have to spend $600 - $700 on a new laptop if mine was totally dead. UGH. This wasn't good, because I was headed to Austin next weekend for my friend's Wedding Shower and usually that means spending more $$$. I wasn't happy at all.

THEN, Dh took our car to get the oil changed on Thursday since we were headed out of town that same day to Austin. Dh came home with BAD NEWS. Not again!?!? Really?? Yup, the radiator was leaking. So should we drive it to Austin with a car full of luggage and two small dogs? Everyone who is car smarter than us said "probably not". Not worth it to chance it. GREAT, so guess what?? Rental Car Required = $200 spent...unexpectedly. My week was horrible, to say the least!

THEN, oh it's not over..... the following week (technically this week) we were to start painting the rental house. Yay!! We got the keys, EARLY, on Saturday while we were in Austin, from our totally cool Landlord! So Monday, evening we went to Home Depot and spent $100 on paint and supplies.... eck. Well, this was expected, so I shouldn't compain, but after last week, we were hurting at this point! So we start to paint Monday evening and well....... the color is nothing like the actual swatch we choose! I kept painting thinking that it would darken up over night. Nope. Boy was I wrong. Long story short, after 4 color samples, we chose another color and spent another $125 on paint and supplies.

All in all, I should share the good news.... My FIL recommend we buy some kind of "patch" for the radiator leak from Auto Zone. We did and it worked, Thank God!! $550 repair in a $20 bottle! My laptop's hard drive went out, so $600/$700 new laptop turned into a $160 expense! And the painting is nearly DONE in the rental house. We just need to go back and do a little bit of trim painting and touch ups and it's done!!! Carpets will get cleaned next week and we'll move in on Friday!!! I'm so excited!

TTC-wise, nothing. What else is new? I haven't been charting much since my laptop died, because I lost my Ovusoft software and file. I could retrieve it, but I'll probably just start using Fertility Friend again. I do know I'm on CD32 with no O. I'll temp tomorrow just to be sure and I may even test, just to be positive.

All is good

I heard from my doctor's nurse today, FINALLY. I missed her call at 4:29 pm yesterday. She must have left the office at 4:30 pm, frustrating. Because I called her right back when I saw the missed call. Oh well. She called today while I was on the elliptical at the gym. Yup, I answered it! I wasn't gonna miss her call again.

She said that my doctor says that all of the images looked great and there was no cause for concern. I am able to take 25 mg of Clomid if I want to. I'm still undecided, actually. I didn't ask about the Metformin, because I'm crossing my fingers and toes that I actually O on my own this cycle.

During my sonogram, I saw three "larger sized" follicles, one appearing to be mature at 2 cm or so. I wanted the doctor to confirm this, but all the nurse said was that there were "multiple follicles". Well, DUH! Were they mature? dominant? small? Sometimes I wish I went into the medical field....

Today is CD16 and I've been having some pretty strong pains/feelings near my left ovary. They progressed into quick sharp pains that I have never felt before. I did have EWCM and a little bit of spotting this morning, so I'm very very hopeful I am O'ing on my own! Unfortunately, cervix still feels closed and firm, grrrr.

My body loves to play tricks on me, so I'll hope, but not too much.

Quick Update!

I didn't get to see my doctor yesterday (my choice actually....long story), but I should get a phone call with more details from my sonogram yesterday. I do know that the cyst is gone or it's very tiny at 1 cm x 2 cm. The sonographer wasn't sure if it was free fluid she was seeing, a follicle, remanance from the cyst or maybe a new cyst. Either way, I received good news and I feel FANTASTIC!! 

I'll write more details later! 

Thank you to all of my blog readers for the positive thoughts and prayers!

6 more days ... and counting.

Time flys, but I'm not having much fun, really. Can you believe it's already been a month since my last scan?

I go in on May 5th for my next ultrasound and I'm eager to see what this "little" booger has done. I have a feeling it's smaller or gone. I think my hormones are starting to regulate, due to the appearance of my temps. They are no longer erratic and mountain like. I did get AF. I think that's also a sign of regulation. I'm no longer experiencing soreness on my right side.

I just have a feeling we're going in the right direction.

I still believe I'll need some help, so I'm contemplating a very small dose of the Clomid (25 mg) and/or the Metformin. I hope to talk to the doctor about these options next week.

I just want to ovulate. Is that too much to ask?

We're packing!!!!

Can you believe it?? In our current one bedroom, 700 square feet apartment, there is NO room to store towers of boxes, so we've had to find some clever places to place them, so we're not tripping on boxes for the next few weeks. 

Yeah, it may be a little early to be packing, but if you know me by now, you know I'm a planner!! I consider us "very experienced movers". We have it figured out to a science. I do my best to clean and organize everything before I start packing boxes to ensure all items inside a box are related and go in the same place. Once they are unpacked, they are ready to be put where they belong (which is marked on the box!) and ready to be used! It doesn't always happen like this but I do my very best! The last few boxes we pack the day before the big move day end up being miscellaneous thrown together boxes. We usually move everything in one day, and I mean EVERYTHING! We're not slow, "a little bit at a time" movers. We like to get it over with in one day!

We're hoping to move in the weekend of May 30th or June 6th. It all depends on when we get the keys. We may get the keys EARLY, and I'm so excited! We weren't suuposed to get the keys until June 1st, but the owner is going to let us have the keys the weekend of May 16th or the 23rd!  Wahoo!!  Hoping the 16th, because this gives us more time to paint!! Yes! The owner is allowing us to paint! I've chosen this color. It's called Raffia Cream by Behr! 

The house currently has a yellow in the living room, a blue in the bathroom, dark grey in the guest bedroom and dark green in the study. I'm not too happy with any of the colors, so we'll just paint everything a nuetral color that will hopefully match everything!! 

I’m so proud of my body!

Since May 2008 (nearly one whole year), my body hasn’t has a “normal” period on its own. I have always had to take Prometrium/Provera to bring on a bleed. I’ve also had one cycle with Clomid where I did indeed ovulate, which ended in a BFN. This cycle has been unmedicated due to the cyst. I haven’t taken any Clomid in 2 months. On CD40, I was thinking “Here we go again!”. Another LONG cycle is in my near future. I was discouraged on the chance of O’ing due to the cyst, but AF arrived on her own this time!! I’m so proud!

I’m about 95% I didn’t O this cycle, so this is annovulatory bleeding, but I’m grateful. I think this is a good sign, right? My hormones actually did something right to bring on AF on its own?

My next appointment to check on the cyst is May 5th and coincidently that is CD14, the exact day they would do a normal scan to check on follicles! It would be a miracle if my cyst was gone (or I’d be ok with a tiny cyst too) and I had a good follicle! I’m wondering if they’d give me the trigger to release the egg! I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m trying to have a positive outlook!

APPROVED!!

We found out Friday night that we were approved for the house! This weekend has been so busy that I haven’t even had time to get excited about! My In-Laws have already asked when they can come up and stay the weekend! YAY!!

So let me introduce you to the place we will call home very soon!

- 1920 square feet
- 3 bedrooms, 2 bath
- Office w/ French Doors
- Formal Dining Room

The master bath has a separate shower and garden tub with a HUGE walk-in closet! A Black side by side Frigidaire Refrigerator is included. The home has an 8-ft privacy fence, large backyard patio and most importantly a backyard for our dogs!!

The house is everything we wanted and are truly blessed to have found such a great place. We would have paid at least $1300/month for this kind of house, but got a great deal at only $1200/month! And we’re paying $500 less than we anticipated in pet and security deposits, so we’ll have extra cash to find a washer and dryer! Wahoo!!

It looks like the owner is going to allow us to paint some of the walls, so we’ll sign the lease a little earlier than originally planned. We have our apartment will June 15th, but will sign the lease for the rental home as of June 1st. That will give us some time to paint, move in and get our apartment all cleaned and ready to turn over.

Finally something actually goes our way!!

In TTC news – Not much. It’s CD 40 (I think). I’m not charting, but need to. I have been pretty sore around my cyst, but I have been pretty active lately. I’ve stayed away from working out since they’ve found the cyst and partnered with not eating right has brought 10 extra pounds onto my backside. I’m returning to the gym this week. I’ve got to. I’ll just take it easy and see how my body responds.

New Home

I’ve been known to act on things way before necessary. What can I say, I’m a planner. I plan way ahead than I’m supposed to. Oh well. Just call me organized and overly prepared!

Our lease is up in 2 months and we are 110% positive we’ll be moving from our very cozy 1 bedroom apartment into a rental home. We’ve rented a home before and we miss it very much.

Unfortunately, I have some restrictions with our next home. It must have a Formal Dining Room AND room for a dedicated office space. One is a need (the office) and one is a want (the dining). Our families are large and very close, so I’m hoping to utilize the formal dining for Thanksgiving AND Christmas this year. We will also need a Guest Room. So all in all, we are looking for a 3 bedroom home, with a separate study (or formal living to use as an office), and a formal dining. We’re hoping to find a home with at least 1700 sq ft and a 2 car garage.

Last week, I was snooping on craigslist and found the perfect home! Everything we were looking for, but it was over our budget at $1300/month. It was P-E-R-F-E-C-T, but I had to pass it up, because of the high rent. I pouted and never looked back. Today, again I’m snooping, just looking to see what’s available......and I see the listing again, except this time it’s $1200 a month!! Now we’re talking.....I can afford a $100 monthly savings!

Long story short, we ended up talking to the owner today and visiting the property for a viewing! It was beautiful! We’re beginning the application process tomorrow. I don’t want to jinx myself, so I’m saving the details till after we find out if we’re approved. Crossing my fingers....

Best Friends Forever

Yes, they are still attached - my right ovary and it's new friend - a 5 cm cyst. Yes, it's decreased in size, which I thank God! The doctor is optimistic it will go away on it's own. It's no longer a questionable Tumor. It's benign and an Ovulatory Cyst. The fact that it's decreasing in size is a very good sign and frankly, I'm very thankful. I am a little upset that it hasn’t disappeared, but I'm grateful for what I've been given and that's a smaller cyst. I go back in another 4 weeks to see what it has done. Please keep praying!

I came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I asked my husband "Why?" and he says "Just Because!" Of course, I wonder if he's been thinking we may receive bad news today and he was trying to cushion the fall. The flowers are beautiful and quite fragrant! I sat down in my office and smelt the fragrance immediately. I thought to myself "Dang, it smells good in here!" - ignoring the fact that it actually smelt good and not the usual bad. It wasn't until I placed a business receipt on one of my shelves and realized someone had moved a stack of books and piled them on my 2008 receipts (waiting to be dealt with). Then I noticed a big bouquet of lilies on the shelf above! It was a beautiful and quite uplifting surprise! :)

5 more days

Conceiving our first child has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s not “Baby Fever”. It’s been more of a yearning. I don’t know what triggered it. Maybe it’s that the one week mark past. As of today, I have 5 more days to go until my next ultrasound to check my new cyst.

I have a “feeling” that it’s decreased in size, but honestly, considering I had no pain prior to finding this cyst and I still have no pain, I can say it’s all in my head. I’m hoping so much it’s decreased or gone and I’m convinced in my mind, it has.

Since the news of the cyst emerged, I’ve told our immediate families about TTC. I’ve been extremely grateful with the amount of encouraging words and prayer they all have provided. DH’s Grandmother and Aunt attend the same church and they asked if they could add me to their “prayer list” at their church. I graciously accepted. I appreciate any and all of the prayers from friends, family, and everyone.

After the discovering of the cyst, AF arrived very early on CD12. This cycle I haven’t been charting religiously. I suppose I’ve been discouraged with this cyst. I’m currently on CD23 and unsure if I even ovulated this cycle. My gut says no. If AF hasn’t arrived, I may request blood work at my ultrasound appointment, which will be CD28. I suppose I could test before I go too…