Waiting

I haven't heard back from the study coordinator in Chicago. I hope this isn't a bad sign. On Monday when I followed up with her she said she was still trying to find a lab in my area that would perform (and pay!) for all of the lab work and testing necessary. It's Wednesday and I still haven't heard from her. Eeck. I'm trying to be patient.

I think this all works out though, because my evaluation for the local research study isn't until August 11th. I received the consent form for this study this week in the mail and have been trying to read it a little bit at a time. It's 14 pages!! So far it's been really informative and quite interesting actually.

I'm still wavering back and forth on which study I'd prefer to participate in. If I have the choice, I have a very hard decision to make. Here are a few thoughts that have been running through my head...

"If I choose the Chicago study, I'd potentially be able to lose a lot of weight. This can only benefit me when TTC after the study (which is 6 months). My PCOS symptoms may improve. Heck, maybe ovulation would occur on it's own. I dunno. Either way, I'd be a healthier happier PG women if I could drop another 30 pounds or so..."

"The local research study is quick easy $$$. $500 for 30 days vs. $725 for 180 days. I hate to think of the $$$, but honestly it's a crucial detail."

Two amazing opportunities

DH and I are at a really difficult place right now. Business has come to a crawl for me; therefore, based on previous fall and winter seasons, we will probably struggle for the remainder of the year. We didn’t utilize a student loan this semester, so all of DH’s coursework expenses will come out of our pockets. Meaning we won’t have much “extra” money to spend. Therefore, we decided early this week, we would cancel our RE appointment. My insurance wasn’t going to cover anything at all and my first visit would be $315 (not including the necessary bloodwork and tests required). Not to mention, treatment may cost us anywhere near $2K - $3K or MORE! There’s just no way we’d be able to afford this in 2009.

We knew this may happen. I, personally, have to put DH’s schooling first. In a perfect world, I’d prefer for him to be a college graduate before he becomes a father, but this isn’t a perfect world. We both chose not to go to college when we were supposed to. Now we’re ready to be parents, and now we face infertility issues... It sucks, but we’ll get through it. We always do.

With that said, DH and I were ready to put our dreams on hold until 2010 (unless it happened the old fashioned way for us!). Then I received a phone call from Chicago, and received an invitation to participate in a medical research study! I spoke with one of the Study Coordinators on Wednesday and she asked me a TON of questions! I think I was giving all the right answers because after all of the questions, she said “Well, you definitely pre-qualify to participate in a few of our studies!”

The study she recommends is a total of 6 months. Each month I would travel to Chicago for a 1-2 day visit – all expenses paid!! The drug being tested is called Flutamide. It’s used in Europe to treat PCOS. I did some reading on the drug specifically last night and found many studies that found ovulation to occur after taking this drug for only 2-3 months in annovulatory PCOS patients. The study would also evalute the effect of weight loss along and with the drug; therefore, I would be meeting a dietitian and would be put on a strict food plan. Wow! A drug that could make me ovulate that isn’t Clomid? Plus I would lose weight!? This could be good. ...plus I get the opportunity to visit Chicago once a month!? I’ve never been anywhere near Chicago! I know it sounds gravy, but there are cons... DH and I wouldn’t be able to TTC for 6 months. We would be required to use a double barrier contraceptive (ex: condoms and diaphram, or condoms and spermacide). Ugh. The study would pay $725. I haven’t been totally approved to participate. I need to go have some bloodwork done to ensure all of my hormone levels represent a true diagnosis of PCOS.

Then opportunity #2 lands in my lap... The next day I get a phone call from the RE office. I had not cancelled my appointment, at this point. Perhaps, I was hoping for a miracle and somehow we’d be able to afford to go. I was waiting till the last minute to call and cancel.

The RE office was calling to invite me to participate in one of their research studies!! This was perfect. If my test results do not come back with a true diagnosis of PCOS, I would have something to fall back on! This study was a little different. DH and I would be allowed to TTC! The objective of the study would be pregnancy! The drugs involved in this study would be GnRh or Clomid, and a combination of the two. The “value” of this study was truly unbelievable. Initially, DH and I would be required to have some testing done to ensure we don’t have any infectious diseases. I would also have to have an OB panel done (more bloodwork). None of this would be paid for by my insurance and it’s not covered as part of the study, so these tests would cost us $225. Then DH would be required to have his SA done, which he has not done yet! I would also have a sonogram and HSG performed! The SA and the HSG would be included in the study and wouldn’t cost us a penny!! Wow, what an opportunity! The cons here are: For me, Clomid = cysts... I could already have a cyst from my previous Clomid cycle, which would probably disqualify me, I’m sure... I must wait for 30 days to pass since my last Clomid pill to start with the evaluation process...and well, the $225 we must come up with by August 11th (my evaluation appointment). This study would pay $500. Less than the Chicago study, but it’s only 30 days long (one cycle) and we’d be able to actually TTC! If I do become PG, the study includes two sonograms and prenatal visits at 6 and 8 weeks, before I'm sent back to my OB for prenatal care!

These two oppurntunties are both amazing oppurntunities. Both with many pros and many cons! If I’m chosen to participate in both, I’m so torn on what to do. How will I make the decision to go with one over the other...

Lots of News

My birthday was amazing! My In-laws surprised me with $100! I didn't except anything, because they were spending the entire weekend with us and usually that means they don't let us pay for anything - and, they didn't! :) Do you ever feel like the words "Thank You" are never enough!? I couldn't say it enough! I love them so much! I was such a happy New 27 year old. Here are a few pictures from our dinner!






I have been given two potentially GREAT opportunities! I'll share more with you tomorrow!!

“If you had a kid you’d feel older!”

My nephew has done it again! Sometimes I can’t believe the words that come out of his mouth. Usually, the comments are hilarious, except this statement made me stop and really think...

I’m another year old. Twenty-seven years old. I’m at the age where I actually have to stop and think, “How old am I, again?” Really. Yup, 27. No longer 26. Wow.

If you had told me that I’d be childless at 27, I would have never ever believed you! It’s a little sad. I’m lying... it’s near the most horrible feeling in the world. But would I feel older, if I was actually “with-child”? I don’t know. Maybe I would.

Honestly, I’d rather “feel” old as a 27 year old mom than a 27 year old infertile.

I remember when I felt so young to be getting married at “only” 23.

My ILs are coming into town today! These will be our first guests in our new home! I’m so excited! We’ll go out to my favorite restaurant tonight and tomorrow we’re gonna hit the Casino! This will be my first casino experience! Maybe I’m not so old as I thought - I’m still experiencing firsts.... Hehe.

Thank you to all of you who already wished me Happy Birthday! ((HUGS))

Back on the Rollercoaster

AF arrived for the second time in 2 weeks - yup. Un-F'ing-believable. I'm positive I have another cyst. My last "cyst cycle" was 15 days... this one only 7 days! Wow - what an achievement!

Well, at this point, I probably won't go in for a CD21 check. There's no point when I won't have a CD21, I'm positive I have another cyst, and my first appt with the RE is July 31st, where they will perform a sonogram anyways. Then hopefully after the cyst is gone, they will move me onto something new - maybe injectables!?!?!?

I did find some good in all of this though...... my birthday is Friday and I was NOT going to have any alcoholic beverages! Hehe, not anymore! My ILs are coming up to visit us and I'm so excited! I hope they don't mind a belligerent inebriated A, because I'm soooooo gonna need a drink after this week!

CD5 and strange things happening

I've been having some really weird and odd pains near my ovaries. Sensations I've never felt before. At times they are a little painful and very noticeable and at other times, they are faint, but still unrecognizable. Usually I do not have sensations near my ovaries until about CD10, so this is really strange.

AND, my temps are super high. WTF? I took a PG test this morning just to be sure and of course, BFN. I have no idea what my body is trying to tell me. Could I have O'd last cycle? No!? I know Clomid can do some weird things to your temps, but geez, this has never happened before!?

Dh and I are trying to be VERY good, here on out. We're doing our absolute best to limit our nights eating out, which will limit all of the fatty foods and alcohol! We're eating Organic, when available and we're actually going to Whole Foods tomorrow to buy our fresh meat for the week! I'd like to stay away from as many processed foods as possible. I'm doing pretty good I think.

I was talking with the ladies on one of my fav forums and I was sharing how I'd like to get down to my wedding day weight, which is only 13-14 pounds away! I couldn't believe it's only 13-14 pounds! I had to pull my fingers out and start counting again, because that had to have been wrong!

I'm loving this feeling!

I got fed up and went into overdrive

I've been having a real hard time with deciding what to do as our TTC conceive journey progresses. I know I have an issue - some kind of ovary dysfunction. Could be the PCOS, could be something else - not sure. At this point, the Clomid isn't looking like it's gonna help all that much. If it does, it brings a little more than ovulation joy - cysts!

On Sunday, AF showed - about a week earlier than I expected! So we found ourselves having to make a decision fast! Dh was very hesitant to double the dose to 50 mg and try Clomid again. He really doesn't want me to get another cyst. I totally feel the same way; however, ironically, I'm hoping (in the back of my mind) that it does bring me another cyst, because at least, then, I'll have answers - CLOMID DOESN'T WORK for me! ... and we can move onto whatever is next!

So I'm CD3 today and will be taking my first Clomid tonight. Please cross your fingers, pray, and/or send very good thoughts my way! I'm afraid I will end up with a cyst, but I really really need to think positive.

If this cycle ends with a BFN and/or a cyst then we've made the decision to jump into an RE's office! I'm ready! I have already found a highly recommended RE in my area, filled out all of the new patient forms/paperwork, and scheduled an appointment for July 31st!!!

I've been reading up and talking with many ladies who have been in my situation before and it seems like injectables may be the treatment plan that is proposed to us. Insurance coverage and $$$ is going to be a huge hurdle for us. Dh starts school in the fall and he's planning on taking 4-5 classes, which means more $$$ needing to be spent.

We'll see what happens, but I'm hopeful this will all work out! I'm super excited for July 31st now!