Stress and a sort of New Year’s Resolution

I’ve handled the household finances for many years and it attributes greatly to my high stress lifestyle. I’m self-employed and my husband, J, is a full time student, so it’s very difficult to “plan” or “budget” when you’re income is never steady – well, that was my excuse in 2008. On January 1, 2008 I promised myself to do whatever it took to increase our income, decrease our expenses and pay off our credit card debt. Did I do whatever it took to increase our income? Yes, most definitely. Did I do whatever it took to decrease our expenses? Not one bit and it saddens me greatly to see how much money we spent this year on eating out alone. Let’s just say I could have bought a small Nissan Versa for Chevy Aveo!! No kidding.

2009 will be different and we’re starting on New Year’s Eve! We won’t be making the trip to Austin for New Year’s. I’m totally bummed, but I must not always be a brat and get everything I want. I must learn to do what is best for our finances. So we’ve decided, we’re staying here for New Years! Secretly, I’m actually very excited to stay home with my hubby on New Years! I’m hoping it will be just the two of us at home sipping on non-alcoholic champagne (do they even make that?) and enjoying our first “planned” BD (baby dance a.k.a baby making sex) sessions!

I’m also giving the Finances responsibility to my husband. I’m hoping that with this I’ll be more disciplined with spending money, because he won’t let me!! I won’t know the balance in the account, so it won’t be as easy for me to say “I don’t feel like cooking. Let’s go out!”.

In addition to not spending the money to travel for New Year’s, I’ve decided I’m not going to buy OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits) and HPT (Home Pregnancy Tests) this cycle. It’s only about a $20 - $30 expense, but still, everything adds up! If we get a BFN (big fat negative) this cycle, I’ll ASK my husband if I can buy some in January!

TTC front – AF is still visiting. No sign of her departure. Still ecstatic to have her visiting, but come on already....

CD 151 or CD 1??

I was going to blog this morning about how I was feeling – defeated, yet again. It’s been 5 days since my last Provera pill and no sign of my Christmas Wish List being fulfilled. No cramps, no spotting, just a little bit of bitchy-ness, but that’s an everyday occurrence for me. Hehehe

Right before I sat down to blog, I went to the bathroom and actually saw what I’ve been waiting for 150 days – AF has arrived!!!!!! I can’t believe I’m so elated over having my period. I was joking with my family that I didn’t want to plan anything for Christmas – partly because I’ve been mildly depressed over our TTC efforts and because I was hoping to be in bed dealing with deathly pains from AF.

I can finally put 150 days behind me and start anew. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders – it’s empowering, really. Merry Christmas!

Bloodwork results are in

According to the NP, everything looks good. She did notice a slightly elevated level of testosterone, but mentioned that's normal in PCOS patients. So I've been wondering, do I really have PCOS? The NP hasn't really come out and said "Yah" or "Nah" either way, so I asked her to share her opinion. She said I MAY have borderline PCOS. Due to the fact that I was able to produce a normal follicle, she's hesitant to diagnosis PCOS at this time. She said it will help to keep my weight down. Yahoo!

She mailed the results to me, so I look forward to comparing my numbers to the information I've found online.

Luckily, I haven't be experiencing any side effects to the Provera. Last night and this morning I've been feelings very mild AF like cramps; however, it could all be in my head.

My Sonogram

I went in yesterday to have my sonogram. I was a little nervous and worried about what she’d find. While I was waiting in the waiting room, I saw the NP leave the office, so I knew I wouldn’t get to speak with her today. I was a little bummed about that since I still had not heard back on my b/w results.

Sonogram showed a very thick lining, which is normal for me since I haven’t had a period in 140+ days. She found lots of little follicles on the outer edges of both of my ovaries. The sonographer said that was common in PCOS’ers. She also found a large follicle, about 1 cm in diameter, on my left side ovary (where I’ve been having all of the pain/feelings). She said that was good. It appeared like it was trying to release and for whatever reason it has not. She said anything 1 cm and less they consider a follicle. Anything larger than 1 cm, they consider an ovulatory cyst. According to some reading I've done today, I've found that a follice larger than 1 cm (10 mm) is actually good, if not better. Anyone know?

This is not my ovary, but it’s very similar to what I saw, except I had one follicle that was about twice as big as all of these follicles that you see (on my left side only).

I spoke with the NP today and she said she agreed with everything the sonographer communicated, but she wasn’t too worried about the possibility of the PCOS. To me it seemed like I was on the border. My b/w results still haven’t come back and the NP said that she ordered a lot of tests (interesting, I didn’t know that).

I’m on day 2 of 5 of the Provera to induce my period. From what I’ve read, AF should show 3 – 7 days after the last pill. If AF arrives, I’ll finally get what I asked for for Christmas!!

My doctors appointment

I went to a new office today and was able to see the NP (nurse practitioner). They were able to squeeze me in last minute.

Overall, I was very impressed with the office and the NP. The visit wasn't rushed at all and she actually asked me many questions about how I wanted to go about TTC. She was thoughtful of my feelings and preferences. My last doctor was not! She prescribed me 5 days of Provera which I'm so happy about since I've taken Prometrium twice with failed results. She also scheduled for me to come back and have a sonogram on Tuesday. She gave me SA (semen analysis) information to complete if and whenever we wanted to get a SA.

Hopefully, I will start a new cycle and can begin taking Clomid. She offered to assist our Clomid cycle(s) by monitoring by sonogram how many follicles I was producing. She would then give me a HCG trigger shot to induce ovulation. Then on CD20/21 she would check my progesterone levels. We still haven't decided if we'd like this much assistance, but at the very least we'll try the Clomid.

She also ordered b/w (blood work), which I was able to complete in the office! Now we wait for a confirmation of a negative pregnancy test and the results of the b/w.

I was so thrilled to finally find a good office in town (well, about 30 miles away!) where all b/w and ultrasounds are done in office! Now I hope I love the OB as much as the office and the NP!

Losing weight ROCKS!!

I’m not done losing weight by any means, but I have lost 25 pounds since January of this year!! I was 205 and now am 180. I’ve been stuck at 180 for a couple of weeks and it’s driving me insane! I went shopping today and bought a new pair of jeans (size 12!) and some new clothes for winter!! It felt so good to try on clothes and LOVE everything and the way it looked! I was ecstatic!

I’d like to lose another 30 or maybe 40 pounds, but for now, I’m so happy to be in a size 12 and getting rid of the 14, 16, and 18s I used to wear..... never again!

Going to doctor tomorrow morning, yippee! And, of course, my genius husband got an A on his math final today. Now we wait till sunday for his History grade.

And a BIG congratulations to Melissa, one of my blog followers and fellow frequent poster on one of my fav online forums, she’s PG!!! H&H (happy and healthy) 9 mths to her!

J is studying for finals AND fighting the enemies

After 3 years of marriage you’d think “firsts” are rare, but recently I got to know my husband a little better and discovered something “new” about him.

My dh (dear husband) has been home the past two days studying for finals. He also got a new Xbox 360 game, so he’s been fighting the enemies for occasional mind breaks.

I recently learned I’m married to a genius. Now granted, this is his first college semester, but still.... He’s not the schooling type or so I THOUGHT! Now I must brag.... In order to make an A in his Math class, he needs a 60 on his final. In Pysch, he doesn’t even have to show up for the final, because his other test grades where good enough to “test out” of the final. There’s a 95% chance he’ll get A’s in all of this classes on his first semester of college. I’m so incredibly proud of him!

Being a wife and supporter to a full time college student AND keeping our abode afloat is extremely stressful, but he makes it so easy. Here’s to my husband, the genius!!

On another note, I have been experiencing really really bad pains in my left abdomen, ovary area, today. I’m really freaking out that I may have a cyst. I called my new doctors office and asked if I could be seen before January 12th and they are going to let me see the Nurse Practioner on Thursday at 9:30 am!!! Wahoo! I love this office already! Wish me luck!

Feeling crappy lately. I suppose I’ve been hiding.

Dang, I haven’t blogged in a long time.....oops! I guess I haven’t been in the mood, really. Keeping to myself and not having to admit my body tricked me, yet again, is easier for me. Yup, it sucks. AF hasn’t arrived and I’m convinced she won’t. I didn’t O and I’ll say it again, IT SUCKS. I’m probably the only woman on earth with “Getting my period.” on my Christmas list!

I think it’s hilarious that the s/w says I’m PG. I haven’t felt the urge to figure out how to override the little chick on my chart. My left side "feelings" have returned and I'm convinced I have a cyst, because it's been tender to the touch lately.

J and I will be making a trip home this weekend. I think it’s really what I need - to get away and keep my mind off everything for a few days. I’m really excited to see some of my old friends, especially T. I probably won’t be able to see her girls, as they’ll be with their dad. I’m really bummed about that, but I’m sure we’ll see them soon.

::: A crawls back into hiding :::

Women Intuition Sucks

I have it and I hate it. I just knew that something wasn’t right. I just knew that I couldn’t have O’d. Just all of a sudden after 100+ days? No way. Well I’m 98% sure my woman intuition was right. AF hasn’t arrived. I’m 16 or 17 dp my possible o and positive I’m not PG. My temp has been low and we didn’t BD anywhere near my possible O. If my temp was high I would test.

So here I am, stuck again. I discontinued taking the Vitex, because I thought I O’d and was open to taking Clomid or the herbal equivalent with my next cycle. I just want to scream.

If I had the world’s longest LP and AF arrives in the next few days then I’ll be ecstatic, but I’m not counting on it.